Luke’s attention was suddenly focused directly on her, eyes as sharp as a hawk’s.
“My boss. Ricardo Bolton.” She paused and leaned back on the counter. “He’s an attorney. I clean his place, have dinner in the fridge for him, all the general housekeeping type stuff so he can focus on work, and he doesn’t mind if Charlie tags along with me.”
“Right.”
It seemed so weird, having this type of conversation with her husband. Ricardo had become a close friend, but the way Luke was looking at her made her wonder if he thought their relationship was something else.
“And does this Ricardo man know you’re still married?”
Ollie laughed. She hardly remembered she was married sometimes, given her lack of husband.
“He likes Mom,” chirped Charlie, dragging his dad by the hand to reinspect his train set.
Luke picked the boy up, but his attention was still focused on her.
“It’s nothing like that,” she said, but her cheeks heated, giving her away. She’d always been a terrible liar. Her son had meant nothing by it, couldn’t have meant anything by it, but the implication was obvious. And for some stupid reason she felt guilty about it.
“What about your drawing? You were still doing some illustrating before I left.”
“Ricardo’s a great employer and we needed the extra money. No time to waste on dreams anymore,” she told him.
Ollie smiled at Luke before turning to the dishes. She felt no attraction whatsoever to Ricardo, but he was always making it clear that he’d like her to be more than just the housekeeper. Something she had no intention of ever agreeing to, but at least he made her feel wanted.
“Maybe I’ll take Charlie to the park while you go to work,” Luke suggested.
She nodded, but Luke had already turned away, his attention back on the toy box that Charlie was enthusiastically tipping upside down, to better show his dad what was inside.
Part of her, just a tiny part, wished that her husband had walked in their door and made the same sort of fuss over her as he was over his son. That they could start over, have fun again. But in her heart, she knew it was over. For good.
CHAPTER THREE
LUKE LOOKED ACROSS the dinner table, trying to figure out how to say what had to be said. He’d already been here a day, and the longer he took to talk to his wife, the harder it was going to get. Charlie was in bed, so it was now or never. He might not have come home with the intention of righting his marriage, but now that he was here it was all he could think about.
“Ollie, I need to get a few things off my chest.”
She placed her knife and fork neatly on the plate before looking up, her gaze fixed on him.
“What you said yesterday was right. I should have called more, made more of an effort. All I can say is that I’m sorry.” He paused. “I’m just not good at this sort of thing.”
The silence between them was painful.
“What makes you think I am?” Ollie asked, looking down then back up at him. “It wasn’t like I was great at talking or listening before you left.”
Luke didn’t know what to say. He watched her, his wife, and wondered how things had gotten to this point. How he’d let her slip away. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and instead of admitting that he’d run like a scared rabbit, because it had been easier than dealing with whatever had been going on with them. “Is there any way we can make this work, for Charlie’s sake?”
Ollie just stared at him, her mouth pursed, eyebrows forming an angry frown. He’d expected to take her by surprise, but he hadn’t expected that look.
Besides, he’d said the wrong thing. It wasn’t just for Charlie’s sake, it was because he still loved her, and instead of telling her that he’d managed to insult her.
Luke wanted to hold her, talk to her, listen to what she had to say, as he used to do. But it was as if there was nothing left between them, and asking for a second chance wasn’t something he knew how to do.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“Sorry’s not good enough, Luke.”
Ollie wanted to hit him, curse at him, yell—but she couldn’t. Fight, that’s what she wanted. To fight him, argue, get it all out, but she didn’t want to go down that path again, because if she thought of the months before Luke had gone, the weeks right before he’d left, that’s all she could remember. Picking fights, wanting to punish him somehow for telling her he didn’t want to be a dad, instead of making him open up to her and explain why.
Their marriage was over; she knew that. But it was time they discussed their problems like the adults they were, instead of the young kids they’d been when they’d married.
“Charlie needs both his parents, Luke, but us being together isn’t a reality.”
Luke watched her, giving nothing away. Then he sighed. “I know.”
Give him a star for trying, but even he knew there was no hope. She knew if he was serious about them he would have acted on it sooner. Would have made more of an effort and not let it get to this point. Wouldn’t have walked away in the first place, or would have at least come back before now.
“You walked out on our marriage, Luke. I know I was partly to blame, but I would never, ever have walked away from you.”
He nodded, palms flat on the table, his foot tapping insistently on the floor as if he wanted to get up and walk away right now.
“Luke …” She paused, not sure how to say what she needed to tell him. “Luke, I just don’t know if I could love you anymore.” There, she’d said it. Said the words that had been choking her for weeks, months, years even. A weight lifted like a veil that had been suffocating her. Because what had happened between them had changed everything.
“I understand.” His voice was deep. Full of emotion. “Of course I understand.”
She paused again, pushing her fears back down her throat, sucking back the tears. “Then what are we doing here? Why are we pretending that it’s okay you’re back here staying with us?” Ollie stood up and paused at the window. Touched her head to the cool of the glass.
She felt rather than heard him rise. He was standing behind her. Every hair on her body stood at attention, aware of him being so close. Too close.
“We’re married, Ollie. We have a son. That does still mean something.”
Ollie turned, her eyes locking hard on to his. She knew it meant something, but he couldn’t just walk back into their lives and expect her to fall in a heap at his feet. She had to protect her own heart, and her son’s. It wasn’t just about her and Luke anymore. It hadn’t been since Charlie had been born.
“Those things aren’t enough to make us work. To make this work. We need to be good parents, nothing more.
