AFTER the waiter had brought their meals to the table, Emma concentrated on the delicious seafood risotto set before her, in an attempt to get her emotions in check. What sort of romantic fool would she be to fancy herself in love with Rafaele? She barely knew him and, besides, anyone could see he wasn’t a for ever type of guy. She could sense the restlessness in him, the way he worked so hard and played harder, to escape whatever demons drove him.
Emma put her fork down and reached for her wineglass to find his dark, contemplative gaze resting on her. Her heart suddenly felt as if a silk ribbon were being pulled right through the middle of it, making her breath catch in her throat.
‘You mentioned the other day you have a sister,’ he said. ‘What happened to your parents?’
Emma put her glass back down with a little clatter against her dinner plate. ‘I would have thought your private investigator contact would have told you when you had him dig up the dirt on my background.’
Rafaele let out a rusty breath. ‘I am sorry, Emma, but if you had been in my position you would have done the same.’
She held his gaze for a beat or two, but dropped it to say, ‘I haven’t seen either of my parents since I was twelve years old when my sister and I were taken into foster care. Our parents were both heroin addicts. The prolonged drug use fried their brains. They died within months of each other, my father from a stab wound from a drug deal gone wrong, my mother from an overdose.’
Rafaele frowned as her quietly spoken words sank in. No wonder she had been so upset about him looking into her background. It also explained why she was so keen to have financial security to make up for what she had missed out on as a child. His own childhood had been painful enough, but to have such incompetent and potentially dangerous parents would have been soul-destroying. He could see now why she had hooked up with his father, to find an older father-figure who would indulge her every whim. Rafaele wouldn’t go as far as excusing her for prostituting herself in such a way, but at least he understood her motive for doing so.
‘I am sorry you had such a rough time of it,’ he said. ‘I have always thought it is a pity one cannot choose one’s own parents. It would certainly make life easier for many children growing up.’
Her eyes came back to his. ‘I guess so…but it’s a parent’s responsibility to be the adult in the relationship once children come along. Children don’t ask to be born. They deserve to be loved no matter what.’
‘That is one of the reasons I do not want to have children,’ he said. ‘It is too risky. How can I guarantee I will even like the child, let alone love it?’
Emma felt an inexplicable pang deep inside at his words. ‘I’m sure you would love your own flesh and blood,’ she said. ‘One of the few benefits of coming from a difficult background is recognising the pitfalls to avoid when you become a parent yourself. You wouldn’t make the same mistakes your father made, I’m sure of it.’
His smile was a little crooked. ‘No, but I would probably make new ones,’ he said. ‘Then in thirty-odd years I would have a son or daughter who hated my guts. No way am I going to put my head in that particular noose. I am staying out of the parent trap.’
‘But what if it were to happen?’ Emma asked, still frowning slightly. ‘What if one of your mistresses got pregnant by accident?’
The line of his mouth tightened a fraction. ‘Firstly I would find it a little hard to believe it was an accident,’ he said. ‘I always take precautions and so do my sexual partners. In fact I insist on it.’
‘Precautions can fail,’ she pointed out. ‘My sister Simone fell pregnant while on the pill. She was only nineteen at the time. If that happened to one of your partners would you expect her to have a termination?’
‘I realise that is a decision best left to the woman concerned,’ he said. ‘An unwanted pregnancy is devastating to many women. I would not insist on her going through with it unless she was convinced it was the only option for her.’
‘Wouldn’t you want to be involved in its upbringing?’ Emma asked.
He drew in a breath and reached for his glass once more. ‘I am not sure a child should be in regular contact with a reluctant father. Children are not stupid. They work out pretty quickly who is genuine and who is not.’
Emma frowned at him. ‘But don’t all children deserve to have contact with both of their parents if at all possible?’ she asked.
‘In an ideal world, yes,’ he said. ‘But it is hard for men these days. It seems to me we are damned if we do and damned if we do not. We are called selfish for not wanting to procreate, and then if we do agree to father a child we are the worst in the world for not contributing enough in terms of housework or child care, even though we might be working every hour God sends to keep food on the table.’
‘I hadn’t really thought about it from that angle,’ she confessed. ‘But I still want to have a family. I just have to find a man who wants the same thing.’
‘You have got plenty of time yet,’ Rafaele said. ‘Why not have a bit of fun while you still can?’
She gave him a guarded glance. ‘I hope you’re not suggesting what I think you’re suggesting.’
He reached across the table and picked up her left hand, the pad of his thumb stroking over the backs of her fingers. ‘What about it, Emma?’ he asked. ‘Want to have some fun with me before we call it quits?’
‘I’m not sure it would be all that much fun for me,’ she said with a haughty little glare.
He brought her hand to his mouth, the slight rasp of his skin against her fingers making her stomach fold over. ‘I would make sure it was fun for you, poco moglie di miniera,’ he said, and translated in a low sexy drawl, ‘little wife of mine.’
She tried to pull out of his hold, but his fingers around hers subtly tightened. ‘You’re only doing this because you see me as a novelty. It’s because I won’t fall at your feet just like every other poor deluded woman out there, isn’t it?’
The movement of his lips as he gave her a wry smile grazed her bent knuckles, sending another ripple of awareness through her body from her breasts to her thighs. ‘I admit you are becoming a bit of a challenge to me,’ he said. ‘I have not had to work so hard at getting a woman to agree to have an affair with me before.’
Emma gave him another glare as she pulled her hand out of his, this time with success. ‘I thought you said you weren’t interested in sleeping with someone your father had slaked his lust on first? Those were your exact words, weren’t they?’
His eyes held hers fast. ‘Did you sleep with him, Emma?’
She returned his level stare. ‘No, I did not.’
Rafaele sat back in his chair and surveyed her heightened colour, wondering if she was lying to him or not. He wanted to believe her, but knowing his father as he did he couldn’t imagine him handing over half of his estate without some sort of inducement from her. His father had always been so mean with money; it didn’t seem possible he would have given something away for free.
Admittedly
