to it. All he remembered were the rumors she hadn’t been able to disprove. The sympathetic glances from his friends. The gossip that insisted on a completely different story than the one she’d told him. And his doubts had chewed on him until, ragged with temper and tension, he’d faced her down and in one night, they had lost everything.
“What was I supposed to think?” he demanded. “My best friends told me that story. Why wouldn’t I believe them?”
Shaking her head, she looked at him now with more hurt than fury and that tore at him.
“Because you were supposed to love me. You should have taken my word for it.”
Shame rippled through him and was gone an instant later. He’d done what he thought was right. Hell, he’d been half-crazed back then anyway. When he heard she had lost the baby, he was enrolled in the police academy in Dallas and hadn’t been able to get to her. Hadn’t even been able to call her. To figure out truth from lies.
“It was a long time ago, Amanda.”
“Was it?” she asked quietly. “Doesn’t feel like it right now.”
No, it didn’t. The past was there, in the park with them. Shadows of memories crowded together, dimming the sunlight, making the other people in the park fade away until it was just he and Amanda. He looked into her eyes and said, “All right then. Tell me now. The truth.”
She sighed. “I shouldn’t have to tell you again, Nathan. You know me. You knew me then. You should have believed me. I lost our baby.”
Pain slapped at him but he pushed it away. Now that the past was here, it was time to finally settle it. If he wanted to get her out of his mind, then he was going to have to make a start right here.
“Then who the hell was it who made sure I thought you had ended the pregnancy on purpose?”
“I don’t know,” Amanda said, shaking her head. She still couldn’t believe anyone had spread that rumor. Couldn’t believe that Nathan had thought for even a minute that she would ever do such a thing.
In a flash, Amanda was back there, on the night when everything crashed down around her. They’d been engaged for two weeks—because Nathan had insisted on a wedding the moment he found out she was pregnant. But that night, she had been the one doing the insisting.
“The wedding’s off, Nathan.”
“Just like that?”
“The only reason you were marrying me was because of the baby, right?” Those words cost her. She so wanted him to say that wasn’t true. That he loved her. Always had. That they would be okay, they would get past this.
But he didn’t.
And she couldn’t marry a man who didn’t love her—no matter how much she loved him.
“So that’s it?” he demanded. “Now that you’re not pregnant, you don’t need me anymore, that it? Find someone richer?”
Stunned, she could only look at him. She had never cared a damn about his money. She’d loved him for as long as she could remember. And she’d convinced herself that he cared for her, too. Even though he’d never actually said the words. Now she could see she’d been living in a dream world. “How can you say that?”
“Oh, I’m not done,” he told her flatly. “You said you lost the baby, but that’s not the whole story, is it?”
Amanda stared up at him. She had expected him to be supportive. To share the pain that was still tearing through her. The loss of the baby, her hopes, her dreams for the future. They were all gone now.
She’d needed Nathan so badly. Now that he was here, she only wanted him gone.
“I don’t know what you mean,” she said finally.
“Yeah, I think you do.” He stalked around the perimeter of her tiny Midland apartment. “Hell, you hated the thought of marrying me so much you got rid of my baby?”
“What?” Shock held her in place. Outrage made her want to scream. Pain held her in such a tight grip she could hardly breathe. “You think—”
“Thought I wouldn’t find out, didn’t you?” he asked, his voice dripping with ice.
“There was nothing to find out, Nathan.” Through her pain, anger began to blossom like a black rose. She gave it free rein. “I lost the baby. I had a miscarriage. I told you.”
He scrubbed one hand across the top of his head. “Yeah, that’s what you told me. Others told me something different.”
“And you’d believe them? Believe that I could do something like that to our child?”
His eyes were hard, his expression distant, remote. “Why would anyone say that if it wasn’t true?”
Good question, but that was for later. Right now, the most important question on her mind was how could he think for even a second that it was true?
“How do I know?”
“Exactly,” he said. “How do I know what to believe, either?”
“I guess you have to trust me,” she said, knowing he didn’t. Knowing he wouldn’t.
“Yeah.” His eyes were as cold as the moon. Suddenly he looked like a stranger to her and Amanda knew she wouldn’t be able to reach him because he didn’t want to be reached.
So much lost, all in a blink of time. She swayed with the impact of what was happening.
He turned and walked to the door. There, he stopped and looked back at her. “You’re right about one thing, though. The wedding’s off. I was only marrying you because of the baby. With the reason gone, there’s no point, is there?”
The fact that his words echoed what she had thought herself only moments before just made the pain that much deeper. Sharper. When Nathan left, the quiet click of the door shutting behind him sounded like a gunshot. It seemed to echo in the empty room long after he’d left her. Long after Amanda had curled up on the couch to cry herself to sleep.
Shaking her head as if she could somehow dislodge the painful memories, Amanda looked up at him through eyes that were no longer starry with love for a man who refused to love her back. She wasn’t young and foolish anymore. If she still loved Nathan, that was her problem and she’d find a way to get over it. But he would never know that he still had so much power over her heart.
“You walked out, Nathan,” she reminded him in a voice that was low and throbbing with remembered hurt.
“Yeah,”
