‘You gave everything I could have dreamed of.’
If they were talking about material things. But from the moment that she had known how much she needed his love, then marriage, his beautiful homes, all the riches he had were as nothing compared with what she wanted most in all the world. And she had more pride than to beg for something he couldn’t give her.
‘And yet you didn’t want to stay—you didn’t want a child.’
Just as she couldn’t read his face, she couldn’t interpret his tone.
‘We didn’t have a marriage to bring a child into. A child has the right to have two parents who are happy to be together, and not just because of the life they had created between them.’
Two parents who loved each other.
She’d finished drying her hands on a towel and now she tossed it down onto the marble surface beside the sink. She’d prevaricated for as long as she could, avoided meeting his eyes until she could do so no longer. If she didn’t turn now and look him in the face it would be so obvious that she was avoiding him that she would not be able to dodge it any more.
‘I was wrong to marry you. My parents married just because I was on the way and it was a terrible mistake. They tore each other apart—and I was always caught in the crossfire.’
‘We didn’t even get that far,’ Zarek murmured dryly.
‘No—because I realised I should never have said yes in the first place.’
‘So why did you stay when I was declared missing?’
‘Someone had to hold things together. I discovered that you had left everything to me in your will. And there was always just the possibility that you might come back.’
‘And now that I am back?’
‘I really don’t know.’
Simple honesty was all that she was capable of. In spite of the sleep she had had earlier that day she was suddenly desperately tired. It was as if the tension that had been holding her upright and keeping her going in all the time that Zarek had been away had now totally evaporated, taking with it her spirit and the strength of her spine. Her mind seemed hazed, her thoughts muddied.
‘You don’t know why you married me?’ Zarek questioned sharply, throwing her even further off balance.
How was she expected to answer that without bringing the L word into things? Right now, attack seemed the better form of defence.
‘Don’t you think it’s a little late to be asking that now? It never occurred to you to ask it when you were about to put a ring on my finger? Well, no, I don’t suppose you did. Because for you it was all cut and dried, wasn’t it? A cold-blooded business deal. You wanted me and you wanted a child. Marry me and you’d get both.’
Zarek shifted his weight from one hip to the other, but apart from that his expression remained unchanging.
‘Not all such deals are cold-blooded.’
‘No, of course not—we were pretty hot-blooded most of the time. And that gives you the reason why I married you. Great sex.’
When he dared to frown as if he needed more explanation she lost her grip on her tongue and really let him have it.
‘I was twenty-two. You’re pretty gorgeous—and rich. What’s not to like?’
‘Yes, there was that.’
‘There definitely was.’
Somehow the defiance she dredged up from deep inside her made it easier than she thought to face that dark-eyed gaze.
‘But while you’ve been away I’ve had time to grow up. And…and…’
Watching him wipe the back of his hand across his face, she found she was stumbling over her words. If she was tired then he looked drained, and she recognised the way that he pressed his fingers to the scar at his temple as a warning sign.
Looking at him more closely, Penny saw the shadows under his eyes, the faint cloudiness in the polished jet gaze. She thought that she knew how he felt. It was now well past midnight and she felt as if she had lived through several lifetimes in less than twenty-four hours. Right now she felt as if she was losing her grip on being able to control where the conversation went and what, underneath it all, it might mean.
‘But I don’t think now is the time to discuss it. It’s been a long day. And we’ve both had so much adjusting to do since you came back.’
Dear heaven, was it only this morning? Just a few short hours before and yet she felt as if he had been back for ever. As if he had never been away. But he had been missing and that had had such an effect on her life that she had no idea quite when she would feel as if her existence was back under her control once more.
‘We do need to talk more. But not tonight. It’s late—and I’m—I’m tired.’
She accompanied the words with a stretch and a yawn to emphasise them but the truth was that she didn’t have to put on any sort of a show. Now that she thought about it she was worn out, aching with tiredness right through to the bone, her head spinning nauseously.
Or perhaps it was the result of the stress of the day. A long day of trying to adjust to all that had happened, a day of shocks and bewilderment that had kept her feeling raw and on edge with every hour that passed.
Chapter Ten
SHE didn’t expect that Zarek would allow himself to be diverted but to her surprise he nodded his head and stepped backwards towards the door.
‘You’re right. It is late, and I’ll admit that I’m looking forward to sleeping in my own bed after all this time.’
Perhaps it was her own fatigue, or perhaps it was the way that they went up the stairs, Argus trotting beside her and Zarek switching off the lights behind them as he mounted the stairs, that blurred Penny’s mind. They had done this so many other times in the past, when they had been married. Wandering upstairs in companionable silence at the end of the day, having shared a meal, a glass of wine and now heading for bed. But it was not until she reached the wide landing and turned towards the bedroom that reality hit home again reminding her of the truth of how things really were and making her stumble slightly, banging into the wall as she fought to keep her balance.
‘Careful.’
Zarek put a hand out to support her, taking hold of her elbow and helping her to straighten up.
‘Thank you.’
It was stiff and tight, the muscles in her throat clenching in response to the feel of the heat of his palm against her skin, the burn of his touch along every nerve. In flashes of memory the scene in the bedroom earlier that night came back to haunt her, overlaid by older but no less vivid memories of the nights that Zarek had taken her to bed in the past. During their marriage. Starting with the heated passion of their wedding night that had left her weeping with joy and disbelief that such stunning passion could ever exist.
And
