“If anybody needs me,” he said to the room at large, “I’ll be out working that new cutter I bought.”
Then he got his butt out of there before those wayward thoughts derailed what little common sense he had left.
Apparently, pregnancy made her nostalgic. At least, that’s what Deanna was going with as she waddled outside after breakfast, bundled up against a morning chill laced with the scents of her childhood—fireplace smoke and horseflesh, the sweet breath of piñon overlaying the slightly musty tang of hoof-churned earth. It was always a shock, how clear the air was at this altitude, how the cloudless sky seemed to caress you, make you feel almost weightless. Even when you were hauling around thirty extra pounds that could never quite decide how to distribute itself.
A dog she didn’t recognize trotted toward her, something with a lot of Aussie shepherd in him. “And aren’t you a handsome boy?” she said softly, and the pooch dissolved into a wriggling mass of speckled love, dancing over to give her hand a cursory lick before trotting off again—Sorry, can’t dawdle, work to do, beasts to herd.
Other than the dog, little had changed that she could tell. The old, original barn still stood in all its dignified, if slightly battered, glory not far from the house, even though it’d been decades since any actual livestock had been sheltered there. She smiled, remembering the July Fourth barn dances her father had sponsored every year for the entire community, the cookout and potluck that had always preceded them. The fireworks, down by the pond. How much she’d loved all the hoopla as a child, even if she’d grown to dread it after her mother died of a particularly aggressive brain tumor when she was fourteen, when she’d never felt up to being the gracious hostess Mom had been. A role far more suited to someone...else.
Although most of the fencing around the property had been long since converted to wire, the pasture nearest the house was still bordered in good old-fashioned white post and rail...another bane of her existence when she was a kid and Dad had insisted she help repaint it whenever the need arose. Which had seemed like every five minutes at the time. She let her cold fingers skim the top rail, smiling when a nearby pregnant mare softly nickered, then separated herself from a half-dozen or so compadres and plodded over, almost as though she recognized Deanna. And damned if the jagged white blaze on her mahogany face wasn’t startlingly familiar.
“You’re Starlight’s, aren’t you?” she said gently, and the horse came close enough for her to sweep her fingers across her sleek muzzle, for the mare to “kiss” her hair. Same sweet nature as her mama, too, Deanna thought, chuckling for a moment before releasing another sigh.
It hadn’t been all bad, living out here. Boring, yes. Stifling, definitely. But as quickly as she’d acclimated to—and embraced—living back east, there’d been more than the occasional bout of feeling displaced, too. Even if she’d never admitted it. She’d missed riding, and the sky, and the deep, precious silence of a snowy night. Greasy nachos at the rodeo every fall. The way the mountains seemed to watch over the plains and everything that lived on them. The way everyone kept an eye out for everyone else.
Josh.
She spotted him, working a sleek chestnut gelding in the distance, as homesickness spiked through her, so sharp she lost her breath.
Homesickness, and regret. Choking, humiliating, taunting regret.
Shivering, Deanna wrapped up more tightly in the giant shawl she’d scored for ten bucks at that thrift store near her apartment—
Crap. She had no idea where she belonged anymore, although here certainly wasn’t it. Here was her past, which she’d long since outgrown. But her life there, in DC, had collapsed like a house of cards, hadn’t it? All she knew was that she’d better figure something out, and soon, before this little person made her appearance. Kinda hard to bring a baby home if you weren’t sure where home was.
Still caressing the mare’s sun-warmed coat, Deanna looked out toward the other horses grazing the frosted grass, their coats gleaming in the strengthening morning sun as bursts of filmy white puffed from their nostrils. Then she started as she realized Josh was headed her way. His own breath clouding his face, he came up beside her, digging into his pocket for a piece of carrot for the mare.
“I see you two have already met.”
Deanna drew back her hand, wrapping up more tightly in the shawl. “She’s Starlight’s, isn’t she?”
“Yep.”
“What’s her name?”
“Starfire. One of the best cutters I’ve ever ridden. Her babies should fetch a pretty penny. This one’s already spoken for, in fact.”
“When’s she due?”
“Late January or thereabouts.”
After a moment, Deanna said, “So she actually gets to carry her foal to term?” and Josh softly chuckled. She knew many “serious” breeders only used their prize mares to jumpstart an embryo, then transplanted them into surrogates. She supposed in some ways it was less stressful on the mare that way, but it’d always seemed to her so...callous. Like the horses were only things to be used.
“Not to worry. Your daddy would’ve killed me, for one thing. Not to mention my daddy. No, we do things the old-fashioned way around here,” he said, stroking the mare’s shiny neck. “Don’t we, sweetheart?”
The horse nodded, the movement knocking off Josh’s hat.
“Hey!” The horse actually snickered, making Josh shake his head before scooping the hat off the ground.
Deanna smiled as Josh smacked the old Stetson against his thighs to knock off the dust, then rammed it back on his head. “She looks so much like her mama it’s uncanny.”
“You seen her yet?”
“Ohmigosh—she’s still here?”
Something like aggravation shunted across Josh’s features. “Until the day she crosses over. Why would you think she wouldn’t be?”
“Because I’d told Dad to sell her, since I wouldn’t be riding her anymore. At least, not enough to warrant keeping her. But he kept her anyway?”
Leaning back against the fence, Josh folded his arms over his chest, releasing another little puff of dust from his well-worn barn coat. “He came to talk to her every day. Sometimes twice a day, until...well.” A small smile curved his lips. “To tell her all about what you were doing. I even caught him showing the horse your picture on his phone once.”
“Get out.”
“Of course, then he got all embarrassed when he realized I’d seen him.” The smile grew, even if it didn’t quite catch in his eyes. “Your father was crazy, I hope you know.”
This said so gently, and with so much love, Deanna’s eyes burned. But before she could recover, Josh said, “I know why he sent you away, Dee. Or at least, I can guess. And no, he never talked about you all that much afterward. But when he did...” Looking away, he shook his head. “It was obvious how much he loved you.” His gaze met hers again. “How much missed you—”
