but sometimes not the same is even better.”
Curious, Freddie watched the light glint off the gold hoop in Natasha’s ear. “How?”
“It gives you more time to think about how much fun you’ll have. Would you like to rock?”
“I’m too big to rock.”
“I’m not.” Wrapping Freddie in a blanket, Natasha carried her to the white wicker rocker. She cleared it of stuffed animals, then tucked one particularly worn rabbit in Freddie’s arms. “When I was a little girl and I was sick, my mother would always rock me in this big, squeaky chair we had by the window. She would sing me songs. No matter how bad I felt, when she rocked me I felt better.”
“My mother didn’t rock me.” Freddie’s head was aching, and she wanted badly to pop a comforting thumb into her mouth. She knew she was too old for that. “She didn’t like me.”
“That’s not true.” Natasha instinctively tightened her arms around the child. “I’m sure she loved you very much.”
“She wanted my daddy to send me away.”
At a loss, Natasha lowered her cheek to the top of Freddie’s head. What could she say now? Freddie’s words had been too matter-of-fact to dismiss as a fantasy. “People sometimes say things they don’t mean, and that they regret very much. Did your daddy send you away?”
“No.”
“There, you see?”
“Do you like me?”
“Of course I do.” She rocked gently, to and fro. “I like you very much.”
The movement, the soft female scent and voice lulled Freddie. “Why don’t you have a little girl?”
The pain was there, deep and dull. Natasha closed her eyes against it. “Perhaps one day I will.”
Freddie tangled her fingers in Natasha’s hair, comforted. “Will you sing, like your mother did?”
“Yes. And you try to sleep.”
“Don’t go.”
“No, I’ll stay awhile.”
Spence watched them from the doorway. In the shadowed light they looked achingly beautiful, the tiny, flaxen-haired child in the arms of the dark, golden-skinned woman. The rocker whispered as it moved back and forth while Natasha sang some old Ukrainian folk song from her own childhood.
It moved him as completely, as uniquely as holding the woman in his own arms had moved him. And yet so differently, so quietly that he wanted to stand just as he was, watching through the night.
Natasha looked up and saw him. He looked so frazzled that she had to smile.
“She’s sleeping now.”
If his legs were weak, he hoped it was because he’d climbed up and down the stairs countless times in the last twenty-four hours. Giving in to them, he sat down on the edge of the bed.
He studied his daughter’s flushed face, nestled peacefully in the crook of Natasha’s arm. “It’s supposed to get worse before it gets better.”
“Yes, it does.” She stroked a hand down Freddie’s hair. “We all had it when we were children. Amazingly, we all survived.”
He blew out a long breath. “I guess I’m being an idiot.”
“No, you’re very sweet.” She watched him as she continued to rock, wondering how difficult it had been for him to raise a baby without a mother’s love. Difficult enough, she decided, that he deserved credit for seeing that his daughter was happy, secure and unafraid to love. She smiled again.
“Whenever one of us was sick as children, and still today, my father would badger the doctor, then he would go to church to light candles. After that he would say this old gypsy chant he’d learned from his grandmother. It’s covering all the bases.”
“So far I’ve badgered the doctor.” Spence managed a smile of his own. “You wouldn’t happen to remember that chant?”
“I’ll say it for you.” Carefully she rose, lifting Freddie in her arms. “Should I lay her down?”
“Thanks.” Together they tucked in the blankets. “I mean it.”
“You’re welcome.” She looked over the sleeping child, and though her smile was easy, she was beginning to feel awkward. “I should go. Parents of sick children need their rest.”
“At least I can offer you a drink.” He held up the glass. “How about some Kool Aid? It’s the blue kind.”
“I think I’ll pass.” She moved around the bed toward the door. “When the fever breaks, she’ll be bored. Then you’ll really have your work cut out for you.”
“How about some pointers?” He took Natasha’s hand as they started down the steps.
“Crayons. New ones. The best is usually the simplest.”
“How is it someone like you doesn’t have a horde of children of her own?” He didn’t have to feel her stiffen to know he’d said the wrong thing. He could see the sorrow come and go in her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“No need.” Recovered, she picked up her coat from where she’d laid it on the newel post. “I’d like to come and see Freddie again, if it’s all right.”
He took her coat and set it down again. “If you won’t take the blue stuff, how about some tea? I could use the company.”
“All right.”
“I’ll just—” He turned and nearly collided with Vera.
“I will fix the tea,” she said after a last look at Natasha.
“Your housekeeper thinks I have designs on you.”
“I hope you won’t disappoint her,” Spence said as he led Natasha into the music room.
“I’m afraid I must disappoint both of you.” Then she laughed and wandered to the piano. “But you should be very busy. All the young women in college talk about Dr. Kimball.” She tucked her tongue into her cheek. “You’re a hunk, Spence. Popular opinion is equally divided between you and the captain of the football team.”
“Very funny.”
“I’m not joking. But it’s fun to embarrass you.” She sat and ran her fingers over the keys. “Do you compose here?”
“I did once.”
“It’s wrong of you not to write.” She played a series of chords. “Art’s more than a privilege. It’s a responsibility.” She searched for the melody, then with a sound of impatience shook her head. “I can’t play. I was too old when I tried to learn.”
He
