see what she saw? Did they see the scars the accident had left on his soul?
Maybe she recognized it in him because she’d been there, too. She knew what it was like to feel like a failure. To feel that God had deserted you.
Images rocketed through her mind, and she forced them away. She couldn’t control the pictures when they came to her in her dreams at night, but she could when she was awake. She wouldn’t let them in.
That made it all the more impossible for her to help Ken, even if he’d been willing. She’d just begun trying to stumble her way back to spiritual wholeness. She couldn’t help Ken, because she wasn’t even sure she could help herself.
The stained-glass windows of the church parlor were dark images at night, but the room was warm with lamplight and the buzz of soft conversation. Julianna had been attending the evening Bible study for only about a month, but already she felt at home here. Pastor Gabriel Dawson had the gift of making everyone who walked through the door feel welcome.
The grandfather clock in the corner of the parlor struck the hour, and at the signal people began finding seats. The older folks settled into the conversational grouping of couches and love seats. Julianna slid into the back row of folding chairs.
She glanced toward the door. Holly Vance, now Holly Montgomery since her marriage, was usually here by this time. Of course, with the excitement of having her brother home, to say nothing of her pregnancy and taking care of her husband and home, she could have decided to skip tonight’s session.
The door opened. Holly came in, the aqua sweater she wore laying smoothly over the rounded bulge of her pregnancy.
Julianna smiled, meeting her eyes, and waved. Holly waved back, a little wiggle of her fingers indicating they’d sit together.
And then Julianna saw who came in the door behind her. Ken.
Several other people saw Ken at the same time, and they began getting up, surrounding him to shake his hand or hug him. Their welcomes gave her the minutes she needed to compose herself.
She should have guessed Holly might bring him. She was Ken’s twin, after all, and she was probably the closest to him of all his numerous relatives. Right now Holly was beaming, obviously considering it a coup that she’d succeeded in getting him here. She looked up at her tall brother with such pride and pleasure that it made Julianna blink back tears.
By the time they sat down beside her, she was able to smile, appear composed and act as if it didn’t matter in the least that the object of her high school dreams was sitting next to her. But she was thankful when Pastor Gabriel began the study and she could focus her attention on him.
It wasn’t the fault of Pastor Gabriel’s excellent presentation on Psalms that her gaze strayed to Ken’s strong hand, clasped tightly on his knee. Judging by the set to his jaw and the tension in his hand, Holly’s plan to bring him tonight wasn’t as successful as she might have hoped.
It also wasn’t Pastor Gabriel’s fault that it was taking all her strength to keep the dark images at bay. Maybe she should blame that on Ken. It was his stress that was fueling hers.
She tried to focus on the psalm they were discussing. “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom should I fear?” Was that what kept coming between her and God—fear? Fear that she couldn’t cut it any longer, that her courage was gone for good, that she’d let someone else die—
Now it was her hands that clasped tightly enough to hurt. And she felt Ken’s gaze on her, noticing, probing. Deliberately she relaxed her hands, not looking at him.
Pastor Gabriel asked for prayer requests as he ended the session. Several people mentioned concerns. She pulled out her notebook to jot them down so that she could continue to pray during the week.
Holly, voice lilting, asked for prayers of thanksgiving for Ken’s safe return. Then she turned toward Ken, as if inviting him to share a request as well.
He wasn’t going to. Julianna knew it and thought it strange that Holly didn’t. His bitterness washed over her in a wave, so strong that it almost obliterated Pastor Gabriel’s voice, raised in prayer.
When the prayers were over, people pressed around them again—to see Ken and Holly, not her. She picked up her coat and began to edge her way along the row of chairs. But before she could gain freedom, Holly linked her arm with Julianna’s, immobilizing her there at her side.
“It’s just been so nice to see all of you, but we really have to get going.” Holly beamed impartially at everyone. “See you Sunday.”
She hooked her other arm with Ken’s, leading them toward the door. The three of them stepped out into the cool, misty darkness.
“Rain coming,” Ken said, with the authority of one to whom the weather was an important consideration. “I think the little mother should get home.”
“Not yet,” Holly said. “Let’s go out for coffee. Jake’s working late tonight, and I don’t want to go home to an empty house.”
Somehow Julianna didn’t think that was Holly’s only reason, but she couldn’t find the words to refuse. Holly, chattering enough for all of them, didn’t give either of them time to object as she piloted them out the walk to the street.
A few minutes later, the three of them were ensconced in a cozy booth at the coffee shop on the corner. The rain Ken predicted had begun to streak the plate-glass window, and the place was empty except for them and an absorbed-in-each-other couple in the back booth.
Holly beamed at them once they’d ordered their coffee. “This is so nice—going out with two of my favorite people.”
Ken eyed her warily. “I’m glad you’re happy, Hol. But you didn’t need to finagle me into going to Bible study in order to spend some time with me.”
“I didn’t. I’m just so thankful you’re still with us that I have to praise God for it about every minute-and-a-half.” Tears made her eyes brilliant. “You can’t blame me for that, can you?”
“I guess not.” Ken frowned. “But you know, Holly—”
Holly glanced at her watch. “Oh my goodness, I didn’t realize how late it was. I’ve got to get home.” She slid out of the booth before they could react. She divided her smile between them. “You stay, have coffee, talk. We’ll get together again soon.”
She whirled, her jacket flaring, and hurried out.
For a moment Julianna couldn’t speak. What was Holly thinking? Ken stared after his sister, a bemused expression on his face. Finally he shrugged, smiling a little.
“I’m sorry.”
She blinked. “For what?”
“My sister, the matchmaker.” He shook his head. “She can’t seem to help it. She’s happily married, she’s having a baby and she’s busy trying to match everyone else up in pairs, too.”
“The Noah’s Ark syndrome,” Julianna suggested.
“Something like that.” He sobered. “She doesn’t realize—” He stopped, and she couldn’t guess what he was thinking. “Well, that everyone isn’t ready for
