people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.
(Letter to her sister Cassandra, 24 December 1798)
What friends are for:
Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.
NORTHANGER ABBEY
Qualified euphoria, as the heroine of ‘Jack and Alice’, written when Jane Austen was twelve, makes a new friend:
The perfect form, the beautifull face, and elegant manners of Lucy so won on the affections of Alice that when they parted, which was not till after Supper, she assured her that except her Father, Brother, Uncles, Aunts, Cousins and other relations, Lady Williams, Charles Adams and a few dozen more of particular freinds, she loved her better than almost any other person in the world.
Faint friendship:
I respect Mrs Chamberlayne for doing her hair well, but cannot feel a more tender sentiment.
(Letter to her sister Cassandra, 12 May 1801)
Nothing pleases us like the success of our friends … unless of course it’s their failure:
Mrs Allen was now quite happy – quite satisfied with Bath. She had found some acquaintance, had been so lucky too as to find in them the family of a most worthy old friend; and, as the completion of good fortune, had found these friends by no means so expensively dressed as herself.
NORTHANGER ABBEY
On the dangers of an unequal friendship:
I think her the very worst sort of companion that Emma could possibly have. She knows nothing herself, and looks upon Emma as knowing every thing. She is a flatterer in all her ways; and so much the worse, because undesigned. Her ignorance is hourly flattery.
EMMA
Sheer inertia shores up some friendships, suggests the fifteen-year-old author in ‘Lesley Castle’:
To tell you the truth, our freindship arose rather from Caprice on her side than Esteem on mine. We spent two or three days together with a Lady in Berkshire with whom we both happened to be connected. During our visit, the Weather being remarkably bad, and our party particularly stupid, she was so good as to conceive a violent partiality for me, which very soon settled into a downright Freindship, and ended in an established correspondence. She is probably by this time as tired of me, as I am of her; but as she is too polite and I am too civil to say so, our letters are still as frequent and affectionate as ever, and our Attachment as firm and sincere as when it first commenced.
I am no match-maker – being much too well aware of the uncertainty of all human events and calculations. (PERSUASION)
On the correct response to a proposal of marriage:
What did she say? – Just what she ought, of course. A lady always does. – She said enough to show there need not be despair – and to invite him to say more himself.
EMMA
On a woman’s right to choose, and refuse:
A woman is not to marry a man merely because she is asked, or because he is attached to her, and can write a tolerable letter.
EMMA
And man’s inability to understand this …
It is always incomprehensible to a man that a woman should ever refuse an offer of marriage. A man always imagines a woman to be ready for anybody who asks her.
EMMA
The economic motive:
Single women have a dreadful propensity for being poor – which is one very strong argument in favour of Matrimony.
(Letter to her niece Fanny Knight, 13 March 1817)
Murphy’s law of marriage:
There certainly are not so many men of large fortune in the world, as there are pretty women to deserve them.
MANSFIELD PARK
A gold-digger’s advice:
I would have everybody marry if they can do it properly; I do not like to have people throw themselves away; but everybody should marry as soon as they can do it to advantage.
MANSFIELD PARK
And an author’s warning …
Nothing can be compared to the misery of being bound without Love, bound to one, & preferring another.
(Letter to her niece Fanny Knight, 30 November 1814)
A perfect bride:
The charming Augusta Hawkins, in addition to all the usual advantages of perfect beauty and merit, was in possession of an independent fortune, of so many thousands as would always be called ten; a point of some dignity, as well as some convenience …
EMMA
And a possible groom?:
Her brother was not handsome; no, when they first saw him, he was absolutely plain … but still he was the gentleman, with a pleasing address. The second meeting proved him not so very plain; he was plain, to be sure, but then he had so much countenance, and his teeth were so good, and he was so well made, that one soon forgot he was plain; and after a third interview, after dining in company with him at the parsonage, he was no longer allowed to be called so by any body. He was, in fact, the most agreeable young man the sisters had ever known, and they were equally delighted with him. Miss Bertram’s engagement made him in equity the property of Julia, of which Julia was fully aware, and before he had been at Mansfield a week, she was quite ready to be fallen in love with.
MANSFIELD PARK
High-minded idealism versus cheerful practicality – two sisters dispute:
To be so bent on marriage – to pursue a man merely for the sake of situation – is a sort of thing that shocks me; I cannot understand it. Poverty is a great evil, but to a woman of education and feeling it ought not, it cannot be the greatest. – I would rather be a teacher at a school (and I can think of nothing worse) than marry a man I did not like.’
‘I would rather do anything than be a teacher at a school –’ said her sister. ‘I have been at school, Emma, and know what a life they lead you: you never have. – I should not like marrying a disagreeable man any more than yourself, – but I do not think there are very many disagreeable men; – I think I could like any good humoured man with a comfortable income.’
THE WATSONS
