NOTE: Emotions are related to chemicals in your brain and a few paragraphs from a rhyming Beardo may not suffice. Don’t ever be afraid to seek help if you start to feel helpless and overwhelmed. I have, and it has helped a lot.
Fear is a gift.
I’m talking about the fear we have that gives us a jolt when in danger. The jolt gives us either what’s necessary to deal with that danger, or what’s necessary to get the fuck out of the way. That type of fear is something we only feel in the present, and it generally lasts for a short time.
Humans are funny creatures because we can carry fears even when out of danger. If you’ve ever been a victim of a crime you know how it lingers and disrupts the normalcy of your life for quite some time. It messes with your sleep, keeps you on edge in seemingly safe situations, and can serve to paralyze you when you try to move forward.
On top of that, we have this awesome (remembering that the word awesome doesn’t always mean a good thing) ability to create fear, not only in ourselves, but also in others. These fears include (but aren’t limited to) fear of failure, fear of disappointment, fear of embarrassment, fear of loss, fear of change, and fear of truth. These fears are technically considered phobias because they’re irrational and don’t actually involve danger.
Asking that girl for her number and having her reply with an “eww no” isn’t going to be the end of your existence. It may feel shitty, and the desire to not feel shitty may keep you from asking her. The same way the fear of disappointing others keeps you from switching out of biology class into a modern dance class, dating outside your bubble, or leaving your job as a teacher to be a rap singer.
These phobia-type fears aren’t gifts like the adrenaline rush you get when the car in front of you stops suddenly and you need to react tout de suite. That adrenaline goes away after a few minutes since it has served its purpose. Phobias only seem to grow in magnitude and multiply.
We all have these phobias, and the ones we carry are as unique as we are. As a mass of people, we can have collective phobias, and these phobias have been exploited and used to control us like lab rats for decades (word to Edward Bernays).
We avoid those feelings by playing it safe, or playing along. Our fear of exclusion motivates our assimilation. Our fear of not being noticed motivates our loud behavior. Our fear of loneliness motivates the personal sacrifices and compromises we think are necessary to be accepted by others. We’re all doing the same dance but think we’re in it alone because we’re moving to different music.
The courage we need to develop is not the knight-in-shining-armor, super-duper-confidence-unfazed courage. It’s the recognition of what we fear, and deciding that even with the tiniest baby steps, we move forward despite it. What you fear isn’t the roadblock; allowing the fear to keep you from moving is the real obstacle. FDR said it during one of America’s lowest times: “The only thing to fear is fear itself.”
Whenever I have issues or find myself feeling uneasy or hesitant, I ask myself, “What are you afraid of?” Answering that question clarifies who I am, and it’s the first step to overcoming that fear. In most cases, what I fear is dramatically worse than the reality of the situation.
As I go through these adventures being a public figure and hear every opinion across the spectrum, everything I ever feared people would think of me, they already have. Yet here I am, still breathing, beard still soft, rhymes only getting better, learning lessons even quicker. I’ve seen people dig themselves out of holes a million times worse than some of my created phobias.
No one is fearless, but the bravest people I know are those who are most in tune with their fears and phobias and have decided not to let them get in the way of their happiness.
As always, this is going to require you to have a conversation with yourself to discover these fears. Identifying them will be the first step to conquering them.
In the thickest New York accent you can imagine, one old lady says to another, “Let’s have strawberry shortcake to celebrate another day on Earth.” When the cake arrives the lady asks the waitress, “Did you remember to take out the calories?”
It was a Golden Girls moment (word to Sikh Knowledge), and it also reminded me of the never-ending power we have to paint the world we want to see.
There’s a lot of bullshit in the world. I’ve spent the majority of my artistic existence trying to shine a light on that bullshit. A result of doing so required me to dig deeper into issues, and myself, if I ever wanted to have anything new to say, without sounding like a (complete) hypocrite, with opinions on issues we all contribute to.
I learned a lot about how truth has no place in a world where people only want to see two sides: their side and the other side. The world is ten shades of grey, but that’s not very convenient for those who want to see in black and white, since that’s how they choose to paint the picture.
As humans, we seek affirmation over information. In simpler terms, we look for evidence to support what we already believe, and subconsciously ignore the things that contradict that. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. If we didn’t have a device in our brains to ignore what we thought irrelevant, we’d be overloaded with redonkulous amounts of information that come at us every second of the day.
This can be a bit damaging if you’re married to an idea, and the repetition of information and people that validate that idea are all things you choose to expose yourself to (those are the key ingredients to your comfort zone). On top of that, it can be dramatically worse if the view you have of the world is that it is nothing but shit. Simply put, if you think life sucks, life will suck, and you’ll ignore your full fridge, running water, access to the internet, and ability to have leisure time to even contemplate how much life sucks.
Do you focus on the people who love you, or the ones who won’t return your calls? Do you share your problems or your joys with people? Realize, every thought you have is a brushstroke on the world you see. None of this negates the extreme issues the world is facing, but let’s not lose sight that many, if not most, of these issues were always in existence. Even viewing these issues is an opportunity for you to find some additional gratitude in the life you have, and motivation to spread some beauty, even if it’s on a local level.
The only reason you’re not good enough is because you’re thinking it. When I went to the Tim Burton exhibition, the first thing they showed was a rejection letter he received early in his career. He didn’t let that circumstance change the picture he was painting.
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