“The good news is, he still loves me and still wants our marriage.” I snorted in derision. “Lucky me.”
Marnie rolled her eyes. “What is it with men? They can have affairs and we’re supposed to be grateful when they decide they still want us?”
I blew my nose again.
“Can I get you anything?” Marnie asked. “And no, not more wine. How about coffee?”
“Okay.” I nodded. “That’ll sober me up until we go out later.”
“You still want to go out?”
“Absolutely. I need to listen to music, dance. Drink some more.” At the mention of alcohol, my stomach turned. “And eat something,” I quickly said. “Something starchy, like bread or crackers. Popcorn! Do you mind making some?”
“Popcorn?” Marnie sounded surprised.
“It’s in the second cupboard from the right.”
“Okeydoke.”
First, Marnie set about making a fresh pot of coffee. Then she put a bag of popcorn in the microwave and, three minutes later, she was pouring it into two bowls. She passed one to me and put the other one at her place on the table. The popcorn taken care of, she poured two cups of coffee.
“You want cream and sugar?” she asked.
I shook my head. “Right now, I need it black.”
Carrying both mugs of steaming black coffee, Marnie rejoined me at the table.
“Thank you,” I told her. “What would I do without you?”
“Lucky for you, you don’t have to find out.”
I sipped the coffee. It was strong. Perfect. “Take my mind off my problems—tell me about your date.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure. Do you like TRULYACUTIE?”
“I do. I wasn’t expecting anything, but there was a little spark. I think. At least on my part.”
“Have you talked today?”
“No. But he said he’d call. Or e-mail. However—” She grinned, then reached across the table to give my hand a comforting squeeze. “I already turned off my cell phone, because tonight, you and I are hanging out.”
I smiled softly as I squeezed her hand in return. I could always count on Marnie. I’d learned that in eighth grade when she’d let me copy her answers on a math quiz after I’d forgotten to study. The teacher had caught her angling her paper towards me and, as a result, flunked us both. Instead of being unhappy, Marnie had shrugged off the incident, saying, “If you can’t help your friends, what good are you?”
That sealed the deal for me, and we’d been best friends ever since.
Marnie’s expression suddenly grew wistful. “I know you still love Andrew. How can you not? Unfortunately, our hearts don’t come with an on/off switch. But sweetie, you deserve better, and with what he’s putting you through…I’d be seeing a divorce lawyer. Like yesterday.”
I nodded, but I only half agreed. What Marnie said about me deserving better was true, I knew that. But she was also right about our hearts not having an on/off switch.
Life wasn’t black and white. Love wasn’t black and white. I didn’t know if I’d ever stop loving Andrew. But just because I might always love him didn’t mean we had to be together.
“You want to know what the icing on the cake is?” I asked after a moment. “Andrew told me that if I wanted to, I could have an affair to even the score.”
Marnie stopped chewing her popcorn. “What?”
“How thoughtful of him, huh?”
“Right,” Marnie said sarcastically.
“I don’t know if he meant it,” I went on. “He was likely just rambling. He seemed to be saying anything that might get me to tell him I’d forgive him.”
We ate in silence for a while longer, and Marnie’s eyes wandered. After a moment, her eyebrows rose. “I see you have a new wedding picture.”
I followed her gaze and saw the painting I’d put up over my wedding portrait. “It was quicker than taking it down,” I explained.
“And helpful if you bring a man home home.” A beat passed. “Would you?”
“Would I screw some other guy to even the score?” I asked, my tone saying it was definitely something I would not consider.
Marnie dropped popcorn into her mouth and chewed. “Maybe you should.”
“What?”
“Hear me out. And I’m not saying you should go fuck some other guy to even the score. But maybe it’s a good idea to see what else is out there,” she said tentatively. “You’ve been with Andrew for ten years. Twenty when you started dating, twenty-two when you married. Maybe, just maybe, he isn’t the man you’re supposed to be with for the rest of your life.”
I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t sure I could contemplate moving on—at least not yet.
“Do you want him to move back in right now?”
“No.”
“Do you think your marriage is going to be the same even if you do work things out?”
I shook my head. I couldn’t imagine our marriage ever being the same. Not after this.
“I stayed in my marriage much longer than I should have, hoping Keith would stop cheating and realize that he loved me. At the time, I didn’t think I could be happy without him. I was so stupid. The truth is, the day I let him go was the best day of my life. Have I found my knight in shining armor yet? Maybe not, but fuck, it’s far better to be alone than to be with someone who doesn’t respect you.”
“With all due respect,” I began slowly, “this is the first time Andrew has cheated.”
Marnie gave me a look. I wasn’t sure if it was pity or something else.
“That’s what he said. And I…I believe him.”
Marnie shrugged.
“You knew Keith was cheating on you. You always told me you felt it. You’d find phone numbers stuffed in his pockets, lipstick on his collar…”
“And some guys are smarter than Keith ever was.”
“Marnie, that’s not what I need to hear right now.”
She held up both hands. “All right. Forget about Andrew and whether or not this was the first time he cheated. My whole point is that you need to start concentrating on you. On what
