Bonnie waited to speak until her mouth was empty.
“I know, Seth. We’ve been over that. We’ve been over that again and again and again. I get it. You are special to me, too.” She put the plate on the table next to her chair and stood abruptly. “I really appreciate you sharing that song with me. It was wonderful. And I’m going to go now because I’m exhausted and it’s been a long—”
“Bonnie.” As he got to his feet she caught an all too rare glimpse of the bewildered boy who lived inside him, the one who was stomped down 24/7 by his father whenever he showed any sign of spirit or sensitivity. Whatever Seth had to say now, she didn’t want to hear it unless he was finally admitting that he loved her and how about getting married? Since that wasn’t going to happen …
“I’ve gotta go. Thanks for the dumplings. They were fantastic.”
“Yeah. Sure.” He nodded, stuffed his hands into his back pockets. “No problem.”
Bonnie moved toward the door, sick to death of conversations over, under and around any solution to their stalemate. The past several months had brought back too many feelings and with them the problems she’d hoped were finally dead, or at least in permanent hibernation.
What a joke to have thought she could bear living so close to him, seeing him so often, being in these intimate situations time and time again.
If only the rest of her life were going well, and she didn’t feel this undercurrent of neediness and fear that being with Seth did so much to dispel. She had to stop looking to him for answers to problems only she could solve.
“Take care.” She managed a bright smile at his door and gave him a brief hug, pulling away when his arms tried to hold her longer. She was proud of herself for leaving, keeping her feelings hidden, not showing him how close she’d been to teetering over the edge once more.
If only she hadn’t said that same thing to herself so many, many times before….
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