Sam’s knock at the door. He’d changed out of his uniform and was now wearing jeans and a pale green polo shirt. Juliet didn’t recognise the shirt and she wondered when he’d bought it. Sam never shopped, he spent so much time in a uniform he said he didn’t need many civvies so Juliet had always bought his clothes for him. Who was choosing them for him now? The shade of green was a perfect foil for Sam’s tanned skin and highlighted his green eyes. Juliet couldn’t imagine Sam choosing the shirt deliberately so he either got lucky with the colour or someone else bought it for him. It wasn’t her business any more but she couldn’t stop the flash of jealousy that raced through her.
She stepped back to invite Sam in just as Edward hurtled past her, launching himself at Sam like a little blond rocket. Sam caught him easily, scooping him up against his broad chest and carrying him inside. Juliet had been wondering whether or not to greet Sam with a kiss on the cheek but Edward’s body formed a wall between them, taking that option out of the equation. Had they just set a precedent for all future greetings?
‘Where’s your sister?’ Sam asked Edward.
‘Dunno.’
‘She’s in her room,’ Juliet replied, and Sam veered right, carrying Ed into Kate’s room.
‘Here’s my gorgeous girl?are you ready for dinner?’
Juliet followed behind them, stopping in the doorway. Kate was still getting ready?aged eight, she already spent more time in front of the mirror than Juliet did. She was sliding a clip into her brown hair and Juliet smiled, Kate had been doing her hair for the last ten minutes, trying out different styles with varying accessories?clips, headbands and bows—but Sam’s arrival seemed to have sped up the process. Kate finished her hair and grabbed her swing coat before crossing the room to greet her father with a hug and a kiss.
‘Where are we going?’ Edward asked.
‘Sofia’s.’
Juliet’s throat was tight and hot tears stung her eyes. Eating at Sofia’s Italian restaurant was a family tradition and it hurt to find that the tradition was going to continue without her. She blinked back tears, desperate to stop them from spilling over onto her cheeks. She couldn’t believe she was still so wound up, she would have thought she’d cried enough earlier in the day to last her a while.
‘Yay! Can I have gelati?
Sam laughed and punched Edward lightly on the arm, immediately starting a play fight. ‘Spaghetti first and then gelati.’
Juliet let Edward wrestle his father for a minute before calling a stop to the physical stuff. ‘Okay, enough, guys,’ she said. ‘Time for dinner.’
‘Your mum’s right, champ,’ Sam said as Edward started to complain that their game had been halted prematurely. ‘The taxi’s waiting.’
Juliet hadn’t considered how Sam had got to their house but as she herded them through the front door and into the driveway she saw a cab parked behind her car. ‘You can take my car if that’s easier. I don’t need it.’
‘Aren’t you coming with us?’ Kate picked up on Juliet’s wording.
‘No, darling, this is Dad’s treat.’
Sam stopped, extending her an invitation. ‘You’re welcome to join us, Jules.’
‘Thanks, but there’s some stuff I want to do here. Let me get the car keys.’ She turned away from Sam, not wanting him to see the lie on her face. She grabbed her keys from the hall table and returned to find Sam had sent the taxi off. She handed him the keys and kissed her children goodbye. She watched them climb into her car and waited as they waved to her before they disappeared down the street.
She turned, picking up a stray football that was lying in the front garden, and took it inside with her, the vision of Edward’s fair head stuck in her mind. He was the spitting image of Sam to look at, a little ball of muscle. They were both bundles of energy and Ed was already mad about ball sports, although, living in Melbourne, he preferred Aussie rules football over Sam’s choice of rugby union.
Juliet had grown up in Sydney where rugby was the main winter sport, and although she hadn’t been a huge fan she now had a soft spot for rugby as that was how she’d first met Sam. She moved through the house, tidying up bits and pieces as she let her mind wander.
She was still finding it difficult to reconcile herself with the idea that Sam was no longer her husband. He would always be part of her life, connected to her through their children, and she needed to work out how they were going to deal with that. After twelve years of marriage she couldn’t expect to accept that it was over without some regrets but she knew she had to get past that.
The house was quiet, too quiet, but she had to be prepared to be alone. She wasn’t exactly looking forward to having the house to herself but she thought the solitude might at least give her a chance to make some sense of the day.
In some respects twelve years seemed to have passed in the blink of an eye. Mostly, if it weren’t for the changes she saw in her children and for the strands of grey appearing in her dark hair, changes that made it hard to ignore the passage of time, she wouldn’t believe she was nearer forty than thirty.
Other days she felt all of her thirty-six years. Today was one of those days. She felt tired, physically and mentally. She wasn’t surprised to be emotionally exhausted. It wasn’t every day one had to appear in court to get divorced but if she was honest with herself she’d have to admit that she was often physically tired by early evening. Realistically she knew it had nothing to do with being a single mother, she’d been a single mother for long stretches of time when Sam had been away on naval exercises, but she hadn’t been able to pinpoint any other change, except perhaps stress. She should probably go and get a check-up, she thought, she couldn’t afford to get sick.
She took some clean laundry into her room. Her bed was freshly made, the pillows plumped and inviting. The house was still. It couldn’t hurt to lie down for a few minutes, could it? Maybe a catnap would lift her spirits.
She lay down, trying to remember what she’d looked like thirteen years ago when she’d first met Sam. It was easier to recall exactly what he’d looked like. A gorgeous, blond Adonis, and it had been lust at first sight. She’d been twenty-four and had moved from Sydney to Canberra, the nation’s capital, to do her Master’s in international law at the Australian National University. Her flatmate, Stella, had dragged her to a rugby game between the engineering faculty of the ANU and a team from the defence force academy. It had been an annual event, a huge social day with the rugby match followed by a party, and Stella had been chasing one of the university players, so Juliet had been her moral support. Juliet had expected to help Stella meet her man, she hadn’t expected to find one for herself.
Canberra, 1995
Juliet was standing with Stella and a group of friends on the boundary of the rugby pitch when a man, a glorious, blond man, raced towards them, flying down the wing. He had the ball tucked under his right arm and his rugby jumper was moulded to his body. Juliet could see the outline of his biceps and deltoid clearly defined by the contours of his top. She was a sucker for good arms and there was no doubt that this guy had them. She watched as he fended off an opposing player with his left hand, a quick shove to the chest upsetting his opponent’s balance, and he was away, strong legs pumping as he headed for the try-line. He goose-stepped over a diving defender, his quick movements belying his size. He had to be at least six feet of solid muscle but he moved with the agility of someone
