vanished in the time it took Joanna to replace the pile of reports in the ‘in’ basket.
‘I was hoping for somewhere more private.’ Richard loosened his tie and then cleared his throat, the only indication he wasn’t as calm as he made out. ‘You must realise we need to talk, and the sooner the better. If we’re to work together…’
‘Yes, of course.’
The space between them hung heavy with apprehension and she knew they had to reaffirm that the remnants of their marriage were unsalvageable. The debris of their broken relationship had to be tidily packaged and disposed of before they could comfortably move on and work together as part of the smooth-running oncology machine.
‘The sooner the better,’ she said quietly, and was glad Richard appeared not to hear.
He began to stride towards the doorway leading out of the ward and Joanna found herself battling to keep up with his pace. When he reached the door, he waited for her to go through first. It was a gentlemanly gesture that reminded her again of the man she used to know.
‘Well? Have you any suggestions of where we could go without the company of half the hospital?’ He kept walking towards the lifts and stopped when he arrived, pressing the button to go down. ‘We could buy something to take away.’
Joanna suddenly had no appetite as thoughts scuttled through her mind.
Was it wise? To spend time alone with him?
She’d thought she’d never see him again. Her life had been uncomplicated, her future predictable. But now…
She didn’t have time to think of an excuse to back down, though.
‘What about the courtyard behind the clinics? It used to be so neglected…in fact, very few people knew it was there,’ Richard suggested, and smiled for the first time since they’d left the ward. ‘When I was an intern, about a hundred years ago, we used to call it lovers’ lair.’
‘Yes, it’s still there.’ Joanna looked away and somehow managed to suppress the bitterness that rose like burning acid in her throat. She’d been so young when she’d fallen in love with Richard. In her third and final year of nursing training, she’d naively thought she was a woman of the world.
He’d been her first and only lover, though, and she’d never wanted to know about his past. Of course he would have had girlfriends before he’d met her and probably had spent more time than she wanted to think about in lovers’ lair. The fact that he was eight years older than her and had the kind of eye-catching good looks that stood the test of time…He’d probably also had lots of girlfriends since they’d split up.
The secret garden was what she preferred to call the hidden patch of jungle tucked behind the outpatient block.
Yes it was still there but she used it as a place of peaceful solace. She would often take advantage of the solitude the secluded area provided when she needed to compose herself, usually after one of her charges had died. Fortunately life, and remission from the terrible disease, was the more common outcome for children with cancer these days, though the word ‘cure’ was still used cautiously.
‘What’s the matter?’
Richard’s words broke her reverie at the same time as the lift arrived.
‘Nothing,’ she lied. She wasn’t about to reveal to Richard that everything about being alone with him was the matter.
A slight upward tilt of his eyebrows was the only indication he didn’t believe her.
‘Okay, let’s get some food and then we can talk.’
The stilted conversation came to a standstill as they travelled to the ground floor but it didn’t seem to bother her companion. When they arrived at the canteen, it was full to overflowing with orderlies and domestics, fortifying themselves for the working day ahead. There was also a scattering of nurses and every table was taken so Richard’s suggestion to find somewhere else made good sense.
They bought cartons of iced coffee and, despite Joanna’s insistence she wasn’t hungry, Richard loaded up with snacks.
‘I haven’t had any breakfast,’ Richard said as the woman behind the counter packed a large paper bag with his purchases.
‘Your appetite’s still as hearty as ever.’ Joanna regretted the words as soon as she’d uttered them. Already she’d noticed so many things about Richard that hadn’t changed—the slight swagger of his hips when he slowed his usual brisk stride to a walking pace; the way his brow furrowed and the tip of his tongue protruded when he concentrated; the endearing dimple that appeared in his right cheek when he smiled, giving him the cutest lopsided expression.
But at least he didn’t know how often he was in her mind.
He apparently read nothing more into her comment than a simple statement of fact.
‘A bit too hearty at times. I’ve put on a couple of unwanted kilos during my stay overseas.’ His tone was casual, as if he was discussing football scores with a mate. He didn’t seem to expect a reply and continued, ‘I need to get back into regular exercise.’
He paused as they arrived at the entrance to the canteen and waited for a group of chattering student nurses to come in then guided her out of the eating hall with a gentle hand on the small of her back. The simple gesture probably meant nothing to him. He’d always been free with those easy, tactile gestures that could set her heart racing.
He dropped his hand when they were through the doorway and set off at a slower pace she could keep up with.
‘What was I talking about?’ he said with a grin, and Joanna wondered if he’d been distracted by the group of giggling, nubile students who had cast blatantly flirty glances in his direction. A jolt of jealousy took her by surprise.
She had no hold on him, no right to be jealous, she reminded herself. They were about to discuss the best way to end a marriage that had floundered and failed dismally long ago, not have a friendly discussion about old times.
‘Exercise,’ she said in a voice barely above a whisper as they approached the clinic block.
‘Exercise…that’s right. I need to start swimming again, maybe join a gym. Do you know any decent ones around here that have a lap pool?’
She blushed, suddenly remembering all the weight she’d put on over the years since their separation. These days she never seemed to have any spare time for a disciplined fitness programme and her attempts at dieting had always been halfhearted; she liked food too much.
‘Sorry, gym workouts aren’t my thing.’
He hesitated. They’d arrived at their destination and it only lasted a few short moments but Joanna was acutely aware of her companion’s head-totoe appraisal. It was as though he’d stripped her completely bare.
‘No, of course not,’ he finally said with a smile. ‘I imagine you get a decent workout with all the running around you do on the wards. Shall we go in?’ He glanced at the entry to the garden.
Joanna’s heart began to pound and her naked scalp prickled as if each hair follicle had a direct connection with the emotions centre in her
