here,’ he said croakily, ‘it doesn’t mean you’re not still part of my life, because you are. You know I think of you as my second set of parents. I always will.’
Tears glittered in Brenda’s eyes. She patted his shoulder, clearly too moved to talk, and then hugged Ruby.
‘I’ll text you when we get back to London,’ Ruby promised.
But she looked quizzically at Ellis when he drove straight out of the town and back towards London. ‘I thought you were going to see your parents?’
‘Not today.’
‘Look, don’t feel you have to get me back to London if you want to see them. I can always go back to Brenda and Mike’s and wait until you’re ready, or get the train back.’
That was the point. He didn’t actually want to see his parents. Especially not today. Part of him lambasted himself for being selfish, but the realistic part of him knew it was necessary self-preservation. ‘Another time,’ he said.
‘If you’re sure.’
‘Oh, I’m sure,’ he said softly. ‘My parents are…complicated.’
She reached over and squeezed his hand briefly. ‘I know,’ she said, equally softly.
In the months since Tom’s death, Ellis had opened up a little to Ruby and told her about the tragedy that had taken the sunshine out of his world. How his older sister had taken a gap year before university, teaching in a remote school. Sally had fallen pregnant by accident and hadn’t realised it at first; when she’d been so sick, everyone had assumed it was a virus. But by the time they’d realised she was suffering from hyperemesis gravidarum, a severe form of morning sickness, it was too late. She’d grown too weak, developed complications, gone into organ failure and never regained consciousness.
And Ellis’s parents had never recovered from losing their only daughter. Their remaining three sons simply hadn’t been enough to bring them back from the cold, emotionless life they’d led from that moment on.
Ellis and Ruby drove back in companionable silence, listening to Nick Drake. The kind of mellow, faintly melancholy stuff Ellis had enjoyed listening to with Tom. It went well with the rain and his mood.
Back in London, he parked in the street outside Ruby’s house and saw her to the door.
‘Thank you, for today, Ellis. I don’t know what I would have done this last year without you,’ she said.
‘Hey, no problem—and you’ve helped me, too.’ He hugged her. Bad move. Now he could smell her perfume, the sweet scent of violets. And she fitted perfectly in his arms.
She’s your best friend’s widow, he reminded himself silently. No, no and absolutely no. Don’t even think about it. You do not make a move on this woman. Ever. Hands off.
‘I’ll see you at work tomorrow,’ he said. ‘Call me if you need me.’
‘Thanks, Ellis.’ She reached up and kissed his cheek.
For a moment, Ellis desperately wanted to twist his face to the side so the kiss landed on his mouth. For months now he’d wanted to kiss Ruby. But he held himself back. The feelings he’d developed towards her over the last year were completely inappropriate; plus he risked losing one of his closest friendships if he asked her out. He was pretty sure that Ruby saw him only as a friend, so wanting more was just stupid. Especially as he knew he wasn’t a good bet when it came to relationships.
His normal job, working for a medical aid charity, meant that relationships were tricky. Either he had long-distance affairs where he hardly ever saw his girlfriend and the relationship ended by mutual agreement because his girlfriend just got fed up waiting for him; or they were short, sweet flings that ended when he moved on to another assignment. Except for his marriage to Natalia—he’d thought that would be the exception to the rule, that maybe he could have the best of both worlds after all. How wrong he’d been there. So nowadays he didn’t do more than short, fun flings—where everyone knew the score before they started and nobody ended up disappointed.
When Ruby was finally ready to move on, Ellis knew she’d want more than just a fling or a long-distance relationship. More than he could offer her. Asking for more than friendship would just ruin a relationship that had become really important to him over the last eighteen months. And to have her solely as his friend was way better than not having her in his life at all, wasn’t it? So he’d just have to keep himself in check.
‘I’d better go,’ he mumbled, and left before he did something really reckless and stupid. Like kissing her.
And he brooded all the way home. His current job as an obstetrician at the London Victoria was only temporary, covering another registrar’s maternity leave, and his contract was due to end in a couple of months’ time when Billie was due to return. He’d already agreed to do a month’s assignment for the medical aid charity, helping to set up a new medical centre in Zimbabwe, when his temporary contract at the London Victoria ended. Going to work abroad again would mean he’d be out of temptation’s way and he wouldn’t hurt Ruby.
Then again, Ellis had promised Tom that he’d look after Ruby. Until he knew that she was ready to move on and had found someone else to share her life—someone who was good enough for her and would treat her as she deserved—how could he desert her?
It was a tricky line to walk.
So he’d just have to bury his feelings, the way he normally did, and everything would be just fine.
Ruby watched Ellis drive away, feeling guilty. For a moment she’d been tempted to kiss him on the lips instead of on the cheek.
How could she possibly want to kiss another man? And especially how could she have thoughts like that on the first anniversary of her husband’s death? How mean-spirited and selfish and plain wrong was that?
She closed the door with a grimace of self-disgust.
Plus she knew that Tom had asked Ellis to look out for her. Letting Ellis know that she was starting to see him as more than a friend might make everything go wrong between them. He’d always been such a perfect gentleman towards her. Trying to push their friendship in another direction might mean that she lost him—and she didn’t want that to happen. She liked having Ellis in her life. Liked it a lot.
Though she had a nasty feeling that she was going to lose him anyway. Ellis had always had itchy feet, according to Tom, and she knew that Ellis wanted to go back to the medical aid charity. The place where he’d always felt he’d belonged.
Losing Tom had ripped Ruby’s heart to shreds. Over the last year, she’d gradually put the pieces back together, and it would be very stupid to let herself fall for someone who’d made it very clear that he didn’t do permanent. Someone who didn’t want the same things she wanted. Someone she knew she’d lose to his job. Yes, he would come back to England from time to time to see her—but she’d be lonely in London, waiting for him. Yet, if she went with him, she’d end up feeling horribly homesick and missing her family. Neither option was right for her. Which meant that Ellis really wasn’t the right man for her, much as she was attracted to him, and she needed to think with her head rather than her heart.
Now they’d scattered Tom’s ashes and she was back in London again, Ruby didn’t quite know what to do with herself. She wished
