it was going to make it happen.
‘I’m sorry.’ There was nothing but dull despair in Hannah’s voice.
‘There’s nothing to be sorry for. You did exactly the right thing for Amy. I wish that some other mothers were as sensible as you.’
Hannah looked up at him. Jon seemed to be making about as much impression on Hannah as Chloe had, but he was trying. And somewhere, on some level, Hannah must be hearing all of this.
‘Why don’t you come and see her, eh?’ Jon picked up Hannah’s hand, tucking it into the crook of his arm. He flashed a smile towards Chloe and she nodded. She’d done her best to convince Hannah that she was a good mother and she’d done nothing wrong, but Hannah had just shrugged. ‘You’re my sister, you would say that.’ Maybe the words would have greater weight if they came from someone else.
She watched as Jon walked Hannah into the ward, getting her to sit down in the chair that he’d been occupying. He gestured towards the drip, obviously explaining everything that was being done for Amy, and waited as Hannah slowly reached out to touch Amy’s hand. Then he turned, walking out of the ward to stand next to Chloe.
‘She seems...fragile.’ Jon was watching Hannah and Amy intently.
‘Yes, she is.’ Chloe looked up at him, but he didn’t return her gaze. ‘She’s doing a good job of beating herself up over what’s happened.’
Jon frowned. ‘What has happened? As far as I can see, Hannah thought that there was something wrong with Amy and did everything she could to get the proper medical treatment for her.’
If only he would look at her. Chloe could really do with just a moment in the warmth of his reassurance. But it seemed that was carefully rationed, and that only Amy and Hannah were entitled to it.
‘When she went to see the doctor, she said that he looked at Amy and said it was most likely just a virus, and to call him immediately if she was worried. Hannah started to cry and he asked a lot of questions about how she was doing. She thinks that the doctor put all of her worries about Amy down to her own mental state.’
The frown deepened. ‘Hannah was crying when I saw her. And she had a sick baby...’
‘Yes. Well, that was a few hours later and maybe Amy’s symptoms were a lot more pronounced.’ Or maybe Jon was just a good doctor, who understood people. ‘Apparently Hannah’s been to her doctor before, about feeling she can’t cope.’
‘You knew this?’
That was the bitterest part of it. Hannah had been in trouble and she hadn’t said anything. ‘No. Neither did James.’
‘What are you going to do?’ He turned suddenly, and the warmth in his face cut through the feeling that Chloe had failed Hannah yet again. This time, it was all going to be different.
‘I’ve given James a call. He’s on holiday in Cornwall, but he’s driving back up tonight and he’ll stay with Hannah at my place. I’ll stay here with Amy, and we can talk in the morning.’
‘Sounds like a plan. If there’s anything I can do...’ He shrugged, as if he couldn’t think of what that anything might be. A moment in his arms perhaps. Having him tell her that everything was going to be fine. But that was something that could only be given, not asked for.
‘You’ve done a great deal already. I’m very grateful.’ If that sounded a lot like a thank you and goodbye, then maybe it was. Relying on other people to help her was only going to lead to disappointment.
‘It’s nothing. Just paying it forward.’ Chloe shot him a querying look. ‘James was very good to me when my marriage broke up, he put me up until I found a place of my own. That was when I got to know Hannah.’
‘I’m sorry, I didn’t realise—’
‘It’s water under the bridge now.’ The downward quirk of his lips told Chloe that even if it was, it was something that still pained him. ‘From what James tells me, you were dealing with your own problems at that time. I’ve only ever come across one case of Guillain-Barré syndrome but I know it’s a tough journey to take.’
It had been tough, suddenly losing any sensation other than pain in both legs and one arm, contending with the real fear that the accompanying paralysis might keep spreading until it reached her chest and the other side of her face.
‘That’s water under the bridge, too.’
Suddenly he was looking at her again, his face suffused with all the warmth that he’d offered to Amy and Hannah. ‘You’re sure about that. Because if you can’t cope...’
‘I can cope.’ The words were defensive on her lips.
‘Sorry.’
‘No...I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap.’ It wasn’t Jon’s fault that few of the promises that had been made around her hospital bed had come to fruition. That both Jake and her best friend had sworn they’d stand by her through this, and they’d ended up standing by each other.
Chloe took a deep breath, trying to puff out the echoes of the lonely despair she’d felt when she’d realised that her partner and her friend were now an item and that neither of them had the guts to come and tell her. This wasn’t the time to be raking over old memories because she had to think about the challenges of the present.
‘Look, I...I couldn’t give Hannah the support she needed when I was ill. I can now.’
He nodded. ‘And that’s important to you.’
‘Yes, it is. Hannah’s not had an easy time, she was so young when our parents died. James and I tried to help her through it, but we were both at university and neither of us were in a position to give her a stable home. My mother’s sister fostered her, and... Aunt Sylvie’s very kind, very loving, but Hannah always wanted to live with me. When she was fifteen I took her.’
‘But you fell ill?’
‘Yes, and Hannah went to live with James. I don’t think she really understood why I wouldn’t keep her. She told me that she’d help look after me, but I didn’t want to make her into my carer. She deserved more than that.’
The frank approval in his eyes meant a lot more than it should. Chloe had wanted his understanding, craved his warmth, and now that she had it, it was too much to bear. She looked away, staring at Hannah and Amy.
‘Hannah was almost sixteen when she ran away. I couldn’t help look for her, I could hardly manage to get out of the house. It was James who found her and brought her back, and he was the one who looked after her when she realised that she was pregnant.’
‘And you think you let Hannah down?’ His tone suggested that Jon thought quite the opposite, but Chloe begged to differ.
‘I think that Hannah and Amy need me right now. And that I’m going to be there for both of them.’ It was too late to save Hannah from the turbulence of her teenage years, but she would find a way to put things right now. Because this time it wasn’t only a matter of saving Hannah, it was a matter of saving Amy, too.
