early when a bullet sealed itself into his hip, defying excision. O’Malley’s was his pride and joy, and he ruled the place like a benevolent king. He decided when someone had had enough. And everyone knew better than to argue with him.
Looking in her direction in response to something Brian said to him, Shawn raised one beefy hand in greeting, smiling his crooked smile at her. For just a second Lila felt as if no time at all had passed. In that second, the years melted away and she was a rookie again, a rookie eager to prove her worth and make the world a better, safer place because she was in it.
Where had the time gone? How could she possibly have gone from her twenties to her forties so damn fast? She didn’t feel any older, she just was.
Shawn filled first one mug, then another, placing them on the bar. White foam topped off each serving, standing at attention even as he picked up one in each hand.
“Hi, stranger,” Shawn called, rounding the bar and heading in her direction. His gait was just a bit lopsided in deference to the wound that had brought him to this place.
Brian walked beside the bartender. Reaching the booth, he slid in, taking the seat opposite her. Shawn placed the two mugs of beer on the table. He flashed her another wide smile as he presented her with her beer. “So where’ve you been keeping yourself all this time?”
She’d always liked talking to Shawn. He was like a cuddly bear. “I’ve been working at the precinct. Desk job,” she added, watching his expression. She knew the man had no use for desk jobs. They’d offered him one after he’d been wounded and he had turned them down flat.
But Shawn merely nodded his shaggy head. “Can’t hold that against you. Come by more often. We’ve missed that smile of yours.” Straightening, he wiped his hands and winked as he nodded toward the mug in front of her. “It’s on the house. Yours,” he emphasized, then turned toward Brian. “Not yours. Your puss I get enough of.”
Brian laughed. “If I’d have known that, I would have played more hard to get,” he said before he took a sip of his beer.
“I’ll leave you two to talk over old times. You get tired of Mr. Authority here—” Shawn jerked a thumb at Brian “—you know where to find me.” The bartender began walking away and then he stopped. “Oh.” He said the word as if a thought had suddenly found him. Or an afterthought. “I was sorry to hear about Ben.”
It was on the tip of her tongue to ask what Shawn was sorry about hearing, that Ben was a suspect in the drug cartel debacle or that he had died much too soon. But that stirred up old wounds and she was in no frame of mind for that tonight. So she merely nodded.
“Thanks.”
To curtail further conversation on that topic, Lila raised the mug to her lips and took a long sip of the bitter brew. The bartender crossed back to the bar and returned to polishing his glasses.
She was tense, Brian thought. He could see it in the corners of her mouth, in the slight furrow of the brow beneath her wispy bangs.
“You don’t come by here anymore?” Brian asked mildly.
“I feel out of place. These are all real cops, out there fighting the good fight.”
He knew there was more to it than that. There were people who thought that Ben had been turned, that he was a dirty cop who paid the ultimate penalty. By not coming here, Lila was avoiding those people. But they were in the minority, she had to know that. And even so, she wasn’t to blame for what her husband had done. And neither were her kids.
Brian thought of pointing that out, then decided that he didn’t want to open any wounds. Not until she indicated that she was ready for that.
“Those also serve who push paper around,” he quipped. “Besides,” he went on, growing serious, “you did more than your part. A little more to the right and you wouldn’t be here right now.”
A cold shiver slithered down her spine the way it always did whenever she thought of that incident. Brian referred to the bullet that had ended her active career. How like him to take himself out of the equation when it came to taking credit.
“If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be here,” she corrected. “You’re the one who saved my life, Brian.” Her eyes shifted to the hands that were wrapped around his beer mug. A fond smile played on her lips. “You and those big hands of yours.”
Brian glanced down at them as if he’d just now noticed that they were a part of him. The incident vividly came back to him. He’d never been so scared before in his life. Without any effort at all, he could almost feel her warm blood pouring out of the hole, the hole he frantically pressed his fingers against. Waiting for the paramedics to arrive had been the longest ten minutes of his life.
“Susan used to say they were too big, too clumsy.”
“Susan never appreciated what she had.” Before the words were out, Lila regretted them. It wasn’t her place to criticize the man’s wife, especially now that she was gone. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Because she killed herself?” There, he thought, he laid it out in the open. Now they could get past it. “We all have our demons.”
“Amen to that,” she said softly.
She kept glancing around, he noticed. As if she expected someone to turn up. Someone she knew. Was she worried that one of her sons or daughters would walk in and see her? What difference would it make?
Very carefully, Brian took the mug of beer from her and placed it off to the side on the table, then took her hands in his. Her expression never changed, but he could feel her tensing.
“There’s nobody here who knows you. Except Shawn, and he always had a soft spot for you. Not Ben,” he allowed truthfully, “but you.”
He didn’t add that the reason for that didn’t have anything to do with the rumors about Ben selling out. It was because both he and Shawn, as well as a few others, were privy to the fact that Ben had stepped out on Lila more than once. Handsome to a fault, Ben McIntyre took advantage of the fact that he attracted women like a rock star attracted adoring fans.
Realizing that he was still holding her hands, Brian released them. Questions kept cropping up in his head, so many questions. He didn’t even know where to start. But he knew he needed to put her at ease if he hoped to get any answers. For the moment, he pushed aside the reason she’d sought him out. There was time enough for that later. Brian already knew what he was going to do about her problem.
Leaning over the table, his eyes on hers, he asked in the friendliest voice he could generate, “So how have you been?”
Lonely. “Busy,” she told him out loud. “I actually do like the work, although not as much as being out in the field,” she qualified honestly. “Wayne Langtree’s wife just had a baby and he took off some time to be with his new family, so we’re pretty swamped.”
Brian smiled to himself as he shook his head in wonder. “Maternity leave for men. Who would have thought it? There’s a whole new world out there now, Lila. It was a hell of a lot different when we first came on the job.” For one thing, he thought, there hadn’t been all that many women in uniform, much less carrying a detective’s shield. Lila had a lot to be proud of. “The world is really changing, Lila.” He thought of all the bureaucracy that had come into
