didn’t tell you? So why has the sister written now?’ The hollow feeling in her stomach was getting worse. She wriggled out of his arms.
‘Because she’s worried. Bella’s been trying to persuade Jude to tell me that I have a son ever since Jude told her she was pregnant, but she wouldn’t.’
‘So what’s changed now?’
‘Bella doesn’t think Jude is coping with him. She’s even hinted that Jude’s been taking drugs.’ He raked his hand through his hair. ‘God, Cassie, what kind of mother would do that when she has a small child to take care of?’
Cassie hugged her knees to her chest. She knew only too well what kind of woman. Someone like her own birth mother for a start.
She felt horribly disappointed. Had she misjudged him completely? Had she been too quick to put him on a pedestal? Of course it was ridiculous to think anyone was without flaws—she of all people should know that.
‘I’m pretty sure she wasn’t on any drugs when we met. According to the family her drug taking only started a couple of years ago. And as to why she should feel it necessary not to tell me she was expecting our child, Lord knows, I haven’t all the details yet. Possibly because there was a man in her life, someone she was engaged to, when she and I had our—er—thing, and before you say anything I swear I didn’t know. Anyway, he left her when he found out the baby wasn’t his. Apparently that’s when Jude started behaving erratically.’
Poor Jude. But it was the little boy that Cassie’s heart went out to. Why did people have children if they weren’t capable of looking after them? When she felt all the old anger boil up inside her, she pushed it away before it could take hold.
‘Although he’s only four, Jude’s sister thinks that the boy is being badly affected by his mother’s behaviour.’ Leith rose from their narrow bed and started pacing up and down the small cabin.
‘What are you going to do?’
‘If he’s my child, and I have no doubt he is judging by the photo the sister emailed me, then I’m going to do whatever it takes to get access to him—fight for sole custody even if need be.’
He strode over to his laptop and flipped the lid. He typed something into the browser and turned the monitor so Cassie could see. ‘The sister sent me this picture of him.’
Cassie wrapped herself in a sheet and went to stand next to Leith. Immediately, just by looking at the little boy’s eyes, Cassie knew without doubt he was Leith’s son. The circumference of Leith’s iris was slightly irregular—barely noticeable unless, like Cassie, a person had spent a lot of time looking into his green eyes. This little boy had exactly the same irregularity in the same eye. But it wasn’t just the family resemblance that drew Cassie. In the child’s eyes she recognised the same bewilderment and pain that she’d seen in the rare photos of herself at the same age. She sucked in a breath, conscious of a knot in her stomach. An image rushed back of her as a little girl, having woken from a bad dream, sitting on the top of the stairs, praying that her mum would come and carry her back to bed, kiss her, say or do anything to make the ghosts and demons of the night go away. But when Mum hadn’t answered her calls, she had got cold and had eventually crept back to bed alone and miserable.
‘What’s his name?’ she asked, swallowing hard.
‘Peter.’
‘Where do they live?’
‘In Bristol.’
‘So what next?’
Leith raked a hand through his hair again and stared back at the computer screen, his expression bleak. ‘As soon as I get back to London, I’m going to consult a lawyer. If necessary, I’ll have him removed from his mother’s care.’
‘Perhaps you should meet Peter and his mother first? Talk to her. Maybe there will be no need for lawyers. If you involve them now, it’s possible Peter will be taken into care while access is sorted. Is that what you want? Think of him. Sometimes any sort of mother—if she loves the child—is better than a substitute.’
Leith narrowed his eyes. ‘I want my son. And if Jude isn’t able to look after him, then I want him away from her.’
This steel was a side to the normally easygoing Leith she hadn’t seen before. Chilled, she went back to bed and huddled under the thin duvet.
Leith’s pager buzzed. He cursed as he looked at the message that had come up. ‘There’s an emergency in Theatre and they need my help. Can we talk about this later?’
‘I’m leaving before the ship sails,’ she reminded him.
‘I’ll be back as soon as I can.’ He tugged on his shirt. ‘Damn the timing. I haven’t even got your address or phone number,’ he groaned, tossing his mobile to her. ‘Could you put it in for me?’ He glanced at his watch, hopping on one foot as he pulled his left shoe on. ‘But be sure to come and find me if I get held up.’ Then he gathered her against him and kissed her hungrily.
Despite everything, Cassie melted into him and responded with a passion that, until she’d met Leith, she hadn’t known she was capable of.
He released her reluctantly. ‘God, I would give anything to be back in bed with you, woman, but I have to go. I’ll see you later.’ And with that he was gone.
For a long time after Leith had left Cassie lay on the bed, wrestling with her thoughts.
Leith had a child and that changed everything.
When she’d agreed to keep in touch that had been before … before she’d known he had a child.
She couldn’t be with Leith if he had a child. Particularly one who was bound to be needy. The parallels between her life and Peter’s were uncanny and she couldn’t, just couldn’t, risk becoming even slightly involved in the life of a vulnerable child and riding the emotional roller-coaster along with him and his father.
But, a little voice whispered, it’s not as if he’s asking you to be a mother to his child.
It didn’t matter if he was asking or not. He wasn’t the kind of man who would put his child aside for anyone. If he had been, she couldn’t love him the way she did.
And she did. Love him. With all her heart and soul, and would for the rest of her days.
But be a mother to his child? If it ever came to that?
No.
She didn’t know how.
She wasn’t up to the task. She couldn’t be objective enough, and soon, in all likelihood, she and Leith would end up disagreeing about what was best for Peter and he would be caught in the middle, her own objectivity compromised by a lifetime of hurt. Of course it was impossible.
She couldn’t be with Leith. Her throat closed. All her dreams of a fairy-tale ending had been just that—a dream.
Flinging back the covers, Cassie dragged herself out of bed and started getting dressed. There was still the rest of her packing and a thousand other things to do and she didn’t want to be here when he returned. Better to end it now, quickly and as pain-free as possible. Leith and his
