SEAL training instructors had asked him the same thing, and he’d showed them he wanted it more than anything else he’d ever dared to dream of.
“Almost done?”
He jumped at the feminine voice that didn’t belong to Tara. The woman standing at the wooden door that presumably led to the exercise and exam rooms offered neither a smile nor a frown. Her face was simply relaxed. One hand rested on her hip, and she cocked her head, sending her long black hair over one shoulder. The collar of her navy blue polo shirt stuck up below her left ear.
At least she wasn’t wearing a white coat.
Undoubtedly another of Dr. Berg’s assistants.
He held out the completed form, and she took it, nodding down a short hallway. “We’ll go all the way down to the big room at the end.”
As he moved in that direction, her steps eerily silent behind him, he fought the rush of uncertainty that washed across his shoulders. Another set of soundless footfalls had taken everything from him. His palm slipped against the grip, suddenly slick and clammy, and sweat broke out across his upper lip.
This wasn’t the same.
It wasn’t the same.
How many times would he have to remind himself of that before he believed that he was home, that men didn’t walk around with bombs strapped to their chests and women didn’t push strollers of explosives down city streets?
He paused just long enough to swipe his forearm across his mouth.
“Do you wear out more easily than you used to?”
“Not much.” That was a bit of a whopper, but he didn’t feel like explaining that his sudden sweats had less to do with muscle strain and nearly everything to do with a memory he couldn’t erase.
The hallway seemed as if it would never end, with her unseen, unheard steps always behind him. Finally he reached the open entrance she’d indicated. The room was bigger than his old apartment. There was a row of weight machines along the far wall and floor-to-ceiling windows to his left. The panes were covered with fabric shades, which kept the setting sun mostly hidden. To his right sat three consultation tables.
The woman leaned her hip against the first table, fixed her wayward collar and crossed her arms, her gaze assessing and cool. When her stare hit his wrapped knee, she lingered, and the muscles in his back grew tight. Even with his sweatpants tucked into his brace, he felt bare, too exposed.
“When will I meet Dr. Berg?”
Her wide eyes met his gaze, a frown pinching the corners of her mouth. “I didn’t introduce myself, did I?” He shook his head. “I am Dr. Berg. Mandy. Please, call me Mandy.”
His eyebrows shot up before he could stop them. So, this was the good doctor. The young doctor. She looked just about old enough to start college, but she’d helped Matt more than three years ago. She wasn’t exactly a rookie.
Clearing his throat, he tried to find something to say. Nothing came to mind. Not even a generic greeting.
That was odd. He’d never been at a loss for words before the bomb. Before the surgery. Before his future had become so absolutely uncertain.
After what felt like hours of weighted silence, she pasted a smile into place. “So tell me, Petty Officer Dunham—”
“Luke.”
“Excuse me?”
“Please. I prefer— Call me— It’s just Luke.” He bit off the words, unsure how to explain that the medical discharge he’d been offered was one signature, one failed physical away. And after that, he’d never be a petty officer again. Every official document that touted it, every voice that spoke it was just more evidence of how close he was to losing it. All of it.
And a reminder of how much he’d already lost.
“Of course.” She pressed her hand flat to her stomach, her shoulders rising and falling in an exaggerated motion. “How long were you at Walter Reed?”
He hitched his chin toward the manila file lying on the table next to her hip. “Isn’t that in my file?”
“It is. But I’m asking you.”
He narrowed his gaze on her, trying to read between the smooth angles of her face, but whatever she was thinking was hidden beneath a mask of easy professionalism. She maintained eye contact, never flinching, even as he felt the scowl that had become his cover slide into place. “Too long.”
She gave him a half smile, the corresponding jolt in his stomach making him stand up a little straighter. She should be frowning. After all, he’d perfected keeping people at a distance since the surgery. Keeping them at arm’s length was easier than watching their pitying expressions.
“And in calendar terms?” she asked.
The muscles in his jaw screwed up tighter than a tourniquet. “Three weeks before they could move me to San Diego.”
“Other injuries?”
He shrugged. “There were a few.” Dozen. The shrapnel from the blast that had twisted his knee had left marks up and down the left side of his body.
But all of that would be in his file.
She nodded, flipped her hair over her shoulder and motioned to a padded chair. “Would you like to sit down?”
He studied her face, looking for any hint that she knew just how uncomfortable these crutches were. But her mask held. She didn’t give him even a twitch of a smile as she nodded to the seat opposite her.
With a sigh, Luke lowered himself onto the chair, keeping his left foot a safe distance off the ground. His crutches clacked together as he slid them between the legs of the chair.
“If I take you on, you’ll be with me three times a week for at least six weeks. And when you’re not here, you’ll be exercising at home. Most days, you’re going to wish you were back in the hospital. It’ll be awful. But after a while, it won’t be.”
“Wow.” He fought the grin that threatened to find purchase and instead opted for a verbal jab. “Do you start every consultation with that sales pitch?”
“Only the ones that need it.”
“Huh.” Refusing to analyze what she was really saying, he got right to the point of his visit. “Will I be able to get back to my team?”
She squinted until one eye disappeared altogether. “That depends.”
“On?”
“You...mostly.” She patted her belly. “Are you strong enough? Will you listen to me when I say it’s time to wait? And put in the work when I say it’s time to go?”
He couldn’t keep in a bark of laughter.
Something like a challenge flickered in Mandy’s eyes, and she leaned forward. “We’d start out easy the first couple sessions. You’ve been out of the gym for more than a month.”
