tilt. “I knew what I was doing, Logan. Even at nineteen. And even if you were my first.”
“I was never interested in being your first.”
“I know. You wanted to stay friends. Wanted me to grow up. Live and learn.” She released the rail, wrapping her arms around her middle. “Well, I have. I’m not that girl anymore. I’ve learned and I won’t ever be like her again.”
He clenched his eyes shut. She was right. He’d wanted to wait. Had spent so much time waiting. Waiting for her to mature. Waiting to see if her adoration grew into something real. Something he could trust. Her friendship had been too important for him to risk it.
“I really and truly thought back then that all you needed was a little push,” she said. “That if I could show you how I felt, you’d understand and feel the same. That you’d want the same things and I could make you happy.” A humorless laugh burst from her. “It was such a stupid teenage thing to do. So ridiculous. And you called me on it. Do you remember what you said to me?” she asked. “When I told you I was glad I’d gotten pregnant? That it’d been my intention?”
His stomach roiled, a roaring sounding in his ears.
“You told me I was selfish. That I had a selfish obsession.”
“I was angry.” Dragging his tongue from the dry roof of his mouth, he said, “I should’ve been less blunt. You were so young—”
“But it was the truth, wasn’t it?” She kneaded her nape with both hands. “I was selfish and obsessed. I never had a clue how to be a real friend.” She shook her head. “But that was the best lesson I ever learned. I’ve learned how to be a good friend, Logan. I have. And I finally did the right thing and filed. You don’t have to pay for my mistake anymore.”
A mistake. Their daughter a mistake. Their marriage a mista—
“Marrying you was not a mistake,” he rasped. “I chose to make you promises and I intend to keep them.”
“That’s my Logan,” she whispered. Her fingertips rose, bumping gently across the creases on his forehead and following the hard line of his jaw. “Always doing the right thing. The honest, honorable thing. That’s how you got into this mess to begin with.” She leaned in, her breasts brushing his chest. “We both have a chance to get out of this. To get our lives back. All you have to do is sign.”
He caught her wrists and pressed a kiss to her palms. “I vowed to take care of you and love you every day of my life. I don’t break my promises.”
She stilled, her expression lifting. “And do you? Love me?”
He eased his hold on her when the dig of fragile bone hit his flesh. “You were the best friend I’d ever had. I’ve always cared for you.”
“That’s not what I’m asking.” She stepped closer, the heat in her eyes burning into him. “You said you swore to love me. What does that mean to you?”
He clamped his jaw so tight he thought his teeth would shatter. Damn words. Every time he was near her, they jumbled up. They tied together in knots, clogging his throat and never escaping the way he intended. But not this time.
This one time, the bastards were sharp, clean and at the ready. And, he had no clue if they were the ones she wanted to hear.
“Tell me, Logan.” Her voice firmed. “What does loving me mean to you?”
“It means you have my loyalty. My fidelity and protection. And my support.”
Her face fell. The spark in her eyes faded, her long lashes swooping down and masking them. She placed her hand on his chest. Her favorite spot. The place she’d always clung to the hardest whenever he’d moved into her. Over her. The spot she’d nuzzled her cheek against every time he’d held her.
“Those are all very important things,” she said. “Very practical things. But what about your heart?”
His heart. Something so much weaker than his head. Erratic. Just like his mother’s when she’d abandoned her family for some other man. Like his father’s when he’d failed to function for months after she’d left. And like Amy’s all those years ago when she’d tempted him down a path he’d never meant to travel.
There were no sure things or guaranteed happy endings in life. Just chance and disappointment. Loyalty was much more tangible and steadfast.
Logan shook his head. “Hearts are unpredictable. Untrustworthy. The kind of love you’re asking for doesn’t exist, Amy. It’s just some notion thrown into kids’ fairy tales.”
Releasing her wrists, he smoothed his hands around her back, pulling her closer and trying not to plead. “I don’t break my promises. I’m offering you something real. Something you can depend on. Something we’ve both already sworn to each other.”
She straightened. That beautiful back of hers drew up into a proud tilt against his palms, breasts thrusting and stubborn chin jutting.
“That all sounds so nice,” she said. “But I’m not tying either of us to a vow we made as a result of my stupid teenage lie.”
“Amy—”
“You loved me as a friend. A young friend that just happened to grow up on the same ranch as you. I should have recognized that a long time ago.” She stepped back and trailed her hands from him. “I won’t take anything more from you. And I won’t let you sacrifice anything more for me. If I did, I’d be no more of a woman now than I was at nineteen.”
Logan’s gut roiled. So, she’d leave instead. He wouldn’t have her at all and it would amount to nothing more than a mistake. Another regret.
“I’m sorry, Logan,” she whispered. “More sorry than you’ll ever know.”
He clenched his teeth, half-afraid they’d crumble, and studied the tense curve of her jaw. They’d both always been hardheaded and Amy could hold out longer than anyone. But he’d never known her to be able to walk away from a challenge.
“It’s one thing to say it,” he said. “Why don’t you show me, instead?”
She glanced at him, features clouding.
“Stay,” he said. “Do right by your family. Do right by me.”
She shook her head. “It’s too late for that.”
“No. That’s just your excuse.” He shoved away from the porch rail and moved to the door, turning to say, “You haven’t changed. Don’t know a thing about loyalty. You’re no different now than you were back then. The girl that stood right in front of me and lied to get her way is the same woman that’s turning her back on her family now. And I’m your family, too, Amy. You worked hard to snag me. You oughta have the guts to stick it out.”
She flinched, body stiffening and face paling.
He watched. Waited. Then forced himself to turn on his heel and jerk open the door.
“Wait.”
He froze, the sweet sound of her voice sweeping over him. Turning, he watched her pick
