I haven’t come to terms with my mother dying. I just don’t ever want to put a woman through childbirth. If it went wrong, I don’t think I’d ever be able to live with the guilt.’
‘Theo, what happened was tragic. And I’m sorry your family had to go through such pain. But dying in childbirth is rare. Really rare. And just because it happened to your mother, it doesn’t necessarily mean it will happen to your partner.’
‘I’m not prepared to take that risk, Maddie. And you know as well as I do how many complications there can be in pregnancy, during labour and in the few hours after birth.’ Gently, he wriggled free of her arms and shifted away slightly.
Putting distance between them again.
He’d let her close, and now she could tell he was panicking about it. So the only thing Madison could do was to give him what he clearly wanted. Space. ‘Theo, I’m not going to breathe a word of what you just told me. I’ll keep your confidence,’ she assured him. ‘But I can see that you’re feeling crowded. So I’ll go now. Not because I don’t care, but because I think that space is what you need most right now.’ She sucked in a breath. ‘Just…you know where I am if you want to talk some more.’
Part of Theo knew that he shouldn’t let her go. But he also knew that if he asked her to stay, let her that close, he’d end up breaking his unbreakable rule. He’d want to be with Maddie. And, given that they wanted such different things out of life, that wouldn’t be fair. He couldn’t rid himself of the fear enough to give her what she wanted, and he definitely couldn’t be selfish enough to ask her to give up her dreams for him.
‘Thank you. I’ll call you a taxi,’ he said quietly.
‘There’s no point, Theo. You live all of ten minutes from the tube. I’ll have walked there by the time a taxi turns up here.’
‘Then I’ll walk with you to the station.’
She shook her head. ‘I’ll be fine. If you’re going to make that much of a fuss, I’ll text you when I get home so you know I’m back safely.’
‘Thank you. Though I’d be much happier if you let me see you home.’
‘Don’t fuss. I’m a big girl and I can look after myself.’ She stood up. ‘Thanks for this afternoon and a gorgeous meal. I’ll see myself out.’
And even as Theo heard the front door close behind her, he knew he was making a huge mistake.
‘YOU’RE really down in the dumps, aren’t you?’ It was more of a statement than a question. Katrina put a plate of lasagne in front of Madison and gestured to her to help herself to salad and garlic bread.
‘And that’s why you made me comfort food?’ Madison smiled at her. ‘Thanks, Kat. Have I told you lately that you’re wonderful?’
‘And so are you.’ Katrina put her own plate on the table and sat down. ‘Want to talk about it?’
‘There isn’t much to say.’
‘Let me guess. Would it have anything to do with a certain consultant that everyone says is a real Greek god?’
Madison shook her head. ‘We’re just friends.’
Katrina rolled her eyes. ‘Maddie, you’re so picky. From what I hear, he’s a nice guy and a good doctor as well as being the most gorgeous man to work in the hospital for decades. Maybe you should give him a chance, instead of doing what you normally do—a couple of dates and you decide the guy’s too much like Harry and you’re not going to take the risk of getting involved.’
‘I don’t do that.’
‘Yes, you do, hon,’ Katrina corrected gently.
‘Well, that’s not the case with Theo.’
‘Then what’s the problem? You like him and he likes you, so give it a try.’
Madison ate a forkful of lasagne. ‘You’re a wonderful cook, Kat.’
‘Flattery isn’t going to get you off the hook.’
Madison sighed. ‘OK. I’d like us to be more than friends. But he’s only here as a locum. He’ll be gone in a few months.’
Katrina scoffed. ‘There’s bound to be another opening at the hospital or one nearby when his contract ends. Or maybe you could try working outside London for a change.’
‘You’ve got an answer for everything, haven’t you?’ Madison smiled wryly. ‘You’re right. That isn’t the problem.’
‘Then what is the problem?’ Katrina asked softly.
Madison stared at her plate. ‘He doesn’t want kids.’
‘Ah.’ There was a wealth of understanding in that small syllable. Probably, Madison thought, because Katrina had been the one to help her pick up the pieces when her marriage had crashed spectacularly.
‘Maybe he just hasn’t met the woman he wants to have kids with,’ Katrina suggested. ‘When he gets to know you a bit more, he might change his mind.’
‘No, he won’t.’ Madison toyed with her food. ‘I’m not going to break his confidence, Kat, but he told me why he doesn’t want kids—and I know he’s not going to change his mind.’ She grimaced. ‘You’re right in that I don’t want to make another mistake like Harry. Theo isn’t a liar or a cheat—he’s an honourable man and he’d never do to me what Harry did. That’s why he’s not even having a fling with me, because he says it’s not fair to stop me meeting someone who can give me what I want in life.’ She blew out a breath. ‘I want kids, he doesn’t, and with something like that there isn’t a way to compromise. So all I can do is be professional. Work with him. Be friends. And that’s it.’
Katrina reached across the table to squeeze her hand. ‘I’m sorry, hon. I wish I could wave a magic wand.’
‘So do I.’ Madison lifted one shoulder. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll get over it.’
‘You know where I am if you need to talk,’ Katrina said gently.
Madison nodded. ‘Thanks. And you know it’s the same for you.’
Madison was bright and professional with Theo at work, but he was aware of the distance between them—particularly when she seemed to avoid him for the entire week. She was either busy in a committee meeting or seeing friends during her breaks; and on her days off, in the middle of the week, her mobile phone was switched off and she didn’t respond to his texts suggesting dinner or a film. She was on duty at the weekend, so there was no chance of seeing her then.
She’d done exactly as she’d promised and given him space.
He should be relieved.
So why did he hate it so much?
By the following Monday, Theo
