of him was attractive and that spark fizzed in her once more as she remembered being in his arms last night. She could still feel the heat of his touch as he’d caressed her slumbering body awake. Vanessa’s advice rushed back. This could be your chance, Tilly. Could she abandon her fears for just one night?
What was she thinking?
‘In that case, thank you for lighting the candles.’ What was the matter with her? The tartness of her voice positively prickled with challenge—something you didn’t do with a man such as Xavier Moretti.
The lights flickered then went off and the glow of the fire and the candlelight surrounded him as he turned to her. It was then she was aware she’d given a startled gasp. She looked up into his face as he laughed softly.
‘You were saying, cara?’ He sounded so different when he laughed, as if it was something he wasn’t familiar with.
‘Okay,’ she conceded, and raised her glass to him, desperate to hide the emotions that were being unlocked. ‘You win.’
He picked up the bottle of wine and poured more into her glass, then his, before sitting on the sofa. He touched his glass against hers, the sound strangely loud. ‘To my win.’
No sooner had he said the words than the lights flickered back on. ‘Maybe not.’ The lightness of her voice almost betrayed her relief and he looked at her questioningly. The gurgle of laughter that threatened to rise from her left her in no doubt she shouldn’t drink much more wine, but right now, despite preserving her ideals of professionalism, she was happy to be in Xavier’s company.
‘What would you have been doing this evening, at the party?’ The question, asked in such a deep and accented voice, caught her attention and she looked at him, unaware of just how close he was now sitting to her, until she looked into his eyes.
She tried to break eye contact, tried to prevent him from looking deep into her soul, but she couldn’t. She was compelled by something she’d never known before. ‘I felt so guilty about not being there, but it has been postponed until next week. I promised that, whatever happened, I will be there. I don’t want Vanessa to think I’m hiding behind excuses.’
‘Why would she think you are hiding, Natalie?’ His sexy voice rose questioningly, his dark gaze holding hers.
‘Hiding?’ She hated the way her voice rose, but didn’t miss the slight narrowing of his eyes. ‘I’m not hiding. I wanted this New Year to be different from any other. I guess I was trying to prove to my family and friends that I’d put the past behind me and moved on.’
‘But you haven’t, have you, cara? Not completely.’
What was going on here? It was as if all her past hurt was being dragged out for inspection, forced out by this man and the situation they were in. ‘It’s hard to forget the humiliation of being stood up just hours before your wedding.’
‘But you are still in love with this man?’
She wasn’t in love with Jason, not the way she should have been, she realised with a jolt. She’d been in love with the idea of companionship and their longstanding friendship. She’d thought she’d found her happy-ever-after with a trusted and safe friend. It was only now she realised that all along she’d been afraid to love; she hadn’t wanted to be like her mother, constantly searching for something so elusive it almost destroyed her.
The day her father had died, her relationship with her mother had changed, leaving her emotionally alone. A gap soon filled by Jason’s friendship. He had been patient, never pressuring her to make it physically more, so the fact he’d found that somewhere else only added to her pain.
She shook her head in denial. ‘He is about to get married. After telling me he wanted freedom to live life to the full.’
Indignation at the revelations he’d made to her about wanting more than just friendship came flooding back. She knew then she’d lost a friend as well as a fiancé. Sadness had been in his eyes as he’d told her he wanted more than friendship and he’d fallen into an affair.
‘He’d said we should go out and find life, live it to the full, make the most of every opportunity.’
‘Did you?’ He watched her intently but she looked into the leaping orange flames of the fire.
‘Yes, I made a list of all the things I wanted to do.’ She’d responded with more information than she’d intended, the ability to talk to him like this as unnerving as it was liberating.
‘So...’ He moved fractionally closer. ‘What is on this list?’
‘To make my business successful.’ She felt her cheeks redden as she thought of how she’d contemplated a romantic fling with him. ‘I only started it in the spring.’
‘That I think is being achieved. Anything else?’
‘To go back to Italy and find my father’s family. We lost touch when he died.’
‘Nothing exciting or different? What about something for you? Something you’d like to do that would change you or your life?’ His words were velvety smooth and she couldn’t look at him, knowing how close he was to the truth that he could be on the list.
‘I’d like to go to America and ride a cowboy trail, and do something spontaneous.’ She couldn’t say that something was to have a romantic fling or that she was seriously considering it right now.
He nodded in approval and the pounding of her heart and the wail of the wind seemed louder. She couldn’t help herself but look into the darkness of Xavier’s eyes, the sizzle of something powerful sparking between them. He’d admitted to pushing his girlfriend away after the accident and she knew he’d had a constant string of women in his life since he’d arrived in London. He was worse than Jason, discarding a woman without a second thought.
The question was on the tip of her tongue when the lights went out. No warning flickers this time. Thank goodness for the candles. She didn’t think she could tolerate darkness now, not when her past had been dragged up for inspection.
‘I’ll go and check the fuses,’ he said as he stood up, the candlelight softening the usually hard angle of his face. ‘But I suspect the storm is responsible.’
‘How long will you be?’ The little girl in her surfaced and she fought to keep the tremor from her voice.
‘Not long.’ He picked his phone up from the table, turned on its torch and looked at her, concern in his eyes. Was that for her or the situation? ‘Stay here.’
Tilly had no intention of venturing away from the candlelight and listened to his footsteps as he crossed the wooden floor of the hallway, feeling more alone than she ever had. The old house wasn’t warm and welcoming any more and the pain of last New Year’s Eve lurked in all the dark corners.
She moved from the sofa and sat down on the rug in front of the fire, needing the warmth of the leaping flames, wanting to feel the heat on her face, needing it to stop herself from thinking too much.
* * *
Xavier pushed open the door to find Tilly sitting on the floor, one arm pulling her knees tight against her body as she sat in front of the fire. She looked gorgeous. An innocent vulnerability radiated from her and the urge to protect her,
