ELEVEN
XAVIER HAD REPLAYED Tilly’s parting words over and over in his head all night, her voice soft and barely above a whisper. Then her eyes had met his, hardness he’d never seen in hers making them resemble ice.
He could still feel the finality inside him, the realisation that what he’d discovered with her was over, that nothing more would ever come of those three nights they’d spent at the manor. He couldn’t tell her he didn’t want to see her again, that he still carried guilt from the accident and didn’t deserve what he saw in her eyes. Instead, he’d used her favoured shield of professionalism, asking for her bill.
The chauffeur-driven car pulled out into London’s afternoon traffic heading for the airport. He sat back and thought of Paulo’s widow and the charity event she was holding tonight in Milan and knew he couldn’t go. He couldn’t leave London, leave Tilly. Last night he’d done nothing but think of her and knew he wanted more than a brief affair. He wanted the forever she secretly craved. But did she want it with him? He had to know.
He had to see Tilly, had to tell her he wanted her in his life. He couldn’t allow guilt to rule him any longer, because if those three nights at the manor had been the start of something special he couldn’t let it pass him by. She’d helped him find peace and had begun to free him from the guilt he’d carried since the accident. But more importantly—he loved her.
He pulled out his phone and dialled. ‘Sofia,’ he said calmly as Paulo’s widow answered, then spoke firmly in Italian. ‘I’m not going to be able to get there this evening. Can you forgive me?’
‘Is it the woman you were snowed in with?’
‘How do you know that?’ Suspicion narrowed his eyes and the urge to confide in her was overwhelming.
‘Your emails were full of her. Go to her, Xavier. You’ve punished yourself long enough. Paulo would want you to be happy and so do I.’ Sofia’s firm words lifted the fog that had clouded his mind and he knew exactly what he had to do.
After wishing her luck for that evening, he ended the call. ‘Change of plan,’ he said to the driver, and instructed him first to go to a jeweller’s in Knightsbridge then to Tilly’s address, the one that was emblazoned on his memory.
Impatience and apprehension filled him as the car turned around and negotiated the heavy traffic. All he could think of was Tilly. But would she see him? He had to make her understand he couldn’t accept her goodbye. He couldn’t walk away.
During those dark hours at the manor, as the blizzard had raged, they’d shared their innermost vulnerabilities and were now inexplicably connected—whether they liked it or not.
A short while later he stood on the street where they’d said goodbye and thought of the vulnerable woman he’d held in his arms as darkness had shrouded them. He let out a deep breath. The evening darkness of January was beginning to descend. It was as if he’d been transported back to that night in front of the fire, the night Tilly had exposed every vulnerable emotion he could possibly feel. Each one was with him now, some urging him on, forcing him to cross the road to her flat and knock on the door. Others held him back. But none of them could be ignored any longer. He wanted Tilly, not just with lust and passion but with something much deeper and more profound.
He didn’t believe she’d only wanted a brief fling. How could what they’d shared have been so intense if that was really true? He cursed the fact he hadn’t challenged her or told her he didn’t want to say goodbye. Just as he hoped she had been doing, he’d hidden behind the fear of rejection—but he couldn’t do that any longer. Paulo’s widow had made him realise that.
* * *
Tilly watched from the window as Xavier stood on the street, his indecision clear, before he crossed the street and made his way to the main door of her flat. Her heart thumped hard and memories of those blissful nights at the manor rushed back from the place she’d locked them. She’d successfully done that, but now his unexpected presence made her wonder what would have happened if she and Xavier had been forced to stay in the manor longer.
He would have tired of her within days and she wouldn’t have been able to hide her love, something he wasn’t capable of. That night in front of the fire she’d tried to heal his pain, tried to love him, but all he’d wanted had been to get away as fast as he could.
What did he want from her now? In an act of self-preservation she’d made it quite clear what had happened between them had meant nothing and would never be repeated.
Judging by the internet pictures she’d seen of him out last night—hours after they’d said goodbye, with a very beautiful woman hanging on his arm and every word—he had moved on. Forgotten her completely. It was what she’d wanted, but it didn’t make it any easier. She loved him, had missed him next to her at night.
The need to know more of Xavier, to see his handsome face again, had made her do the one thing she’d never done before—look up a man on the internet. Not just as a professional check for business purposes but because she’d had to.
Initially she’d been looking for information on the accident, wanting to know why he blamed himself, and had found nothing to suggest anyone had blamed him. Then with one final click she had stumbled across photos of him looking more than comfortable with a new woman at a celebrity party. Pain had slashed through her. Hurt, betrayal and finally resignation. He would never look at her in any other way than for a casual affair.
At least now she could understand his haste to get away from the manor. Not only did he regret their intimacy, he’d moved on, his next conquest waiting in the wings.
Her doorbell rang, distracting her from the painful thoughts, and with a heavy heart she pressed the button to open the main door of her flat. It was time to be brave, move forward and not look back. She couldn’t let Xavier know that being with him had made her realise she’d never loved Jason, or that he’d stirred her childhood memories as well as her heart, and that as soon as she’d returned home she’d set about contacting her father’s family in Tuscany, ticking off another item on her list.
Now they wanted to meet her. She should be ecstatic, but her elation was tinged with sadness. She’d wanted to tell Xavier, thank him for giving her that final push, that final bit of courage. Her bag was packed and she was leaving at the weekend, but first she had a night out with Vanessa.
That thought lifted her spirits a little, even though Vanessa had grilled her constantly about this mysterious Italian with whom she’d spent an entire three days locked away from the world. After a bit of pressure she’d told Vanessa that she’d ticked an item off her list, that she’d moved on from Jason, but she couldn’t admit she’d fallen in love and given him her virginity, something Vanessa had had no idea had still existed. Not when the man in question was even more capable of breaking her heart than Jason had been.
A loud knock on her flat door jolted her from her thoughts and she looked through the viewer to see Xavier, his back to the door, impatience in his stance as he waited for her to open it. There was no mistaking who he was. She’d know that rigid set of Xavier’s shoulders anywhere. They, along with everything else about him, were imprinted on her mind for evermore.
She pushed her hands through her hair and took a deep breath. She had no idea what he wanted, but it wasn’t her. She took in a deep breath, preparing to face the man she loved.
‘Xavier,’ she said as she opened the door, injecting a happy note into her voice, one she was far from feeling. ‘We agreed. Remember?’
