go. Who would I tell anyway? Surely they could trust me, of all people? It seemed half the town knew, so why not me? It hurt, not knowing.
“Was Dad involved?”
She shook her head. “No, honey, he wasn’t in her life at that point. But in my opinion I think he rescued her from herself, and when he died, well… it started over again.”
I only had blurry recollections of the man, a big, ruddy-faced guy with an amiable smile who’d died when I was a child. I’d have given anything to remember him better, to have five more minutes with him. But I guess you couldn’t wish a person back just because you needed them. Aunt Bessie moved to hug me tight, as if letting me know I could always come to her. At least we had each other and, between us, could help Mom navigate the next part of her life. The part where I was in it.
In a cloud of spicy-scented perfume, Amory entered the kitchen, her hair a tangle of wet curls. “Morning, again,” she threw me a faux-dark look. “Aunt Bessie!” she exclaimed, kissing her on the cheek before her gaze darted to the pile of donuts on the table.
“Perhaps we can trudge up that mountain after all? Do a spot of midnight yoga?” she asked me sweetly.
Aunt Bessie and I caught each other’s eye and laughed. “Just eat the damn donuts.”
Amory let out a sigh of longing. “I’m so used to saying no. No sugar. No carbs. No…”
“No fun stuff.” Aunt Bessie lifted the plate of donuts and held them in front of Amory’s nose. “Don’t let anyone tell you no. These are artisanal donuts and I don’t like to see them go to waste.”
Amory raised a brow. “Well, in that case, I’ll have two. It’s not like I’m a swimsuit model, is it?”
The Manhattanite in Amory was fast disappearing. Before she’d have only taken a great big sniff of the donuts, and eaten air instead. Away from that fast-paced lifestyle it seemed almost criminal the amount of restrictions we had placed on ourselves. Life at Cedarwood Lodge was changing us in ways we’d never dreamed of. For the better.
Once Amory had polished off two donuts, Aunt Bessie said, “So, why don’t you two show me where you’re going to set up for the expo so I can sort out what size table I’ll need and how I wanted to display my donuts.”
“Allow me,” I said, excited by the prospect of working with my aunt and hoping that her table at the expo would generate lots of interest in Puft… who could resist those delicious sugary treats? It brought out the sticky-icing-faced child in us, brought back a rash of memories of eating still-warm cinnamon-covered donuts, or getting covered in chocolate, as they melted too quickly in little hands. Even now, at thirty-three, I delighted in eating a donut the way I did back then, lips coated with sugar, hands tacky with frosting, colorful crumbs dusting my clothes.
“We’re going to set the vendors up in the here.” Anticipation sizzled through me as I took in the ballroom. Christmas lights strung around curtain rails flashed intermittently, brightening up the gray morning. “We’ll do our presentations here. What do you think?” Outside, the mountain ranges stood like watchmen, staring straight ahead, their snow-dusted peaks mesmerizing. The brides would be snug and warm inside, sipping gingerbread coffees or champagne and chatting about love and how to make their big day truly special…
I loved weddings!
“Perfect, my darling,” she said, and I could see the pride in her eyes as she walked around the room mapping out where the tables would go, seeing it all as if through a crystal ball. “With the fire going it’ll be so cozy, they’ll be in awe of this room. With those chandeliers shining down, the grand old ballroom is a sight to behold. Once I’ve done my demonstration for them I’ll help serve tea and coffee, candy-cane milkshakes and whatnot…?”
“That would be great, Aunt Bessie.” An extra pair of hands, especially such skilled ones, would be a godsend. Aunt Bessie could charm the zilla from any Bridezilla.
“No problem. I’ll head back to Puft now and make a start on things. I know you girls have everything under control here and this expo will be a roaring success.”
I glowed at the thought and hoped she was right, “I’m going to visit Mom this afternoon and check in on her, before things get too hectic here.”
She gave me a wide smile and enveloped me in a hug, rocking me from side to side like I was a small child. “She’ll love that. And you tell her I’ll come by after work.”
Parking the car, I killed the engine and headed on foot up Mom’s snow-covered driveway, slipping and sliding like I was on roller-skates. My screeches drew Mom’s attention – she wrenched open the front door, frowning at the noise.
“Clio, golly, can’t you walk without tripping?”
I grabbed hold of the bannister, and dusted my boots against it, clumps of snow falling to the ground. “It’d help if you salted the walkways at least.”
“Come in before you hurt yourself,” she tutted, the way moms do.
Inside was toasty warm, a fire crackling gently in the grate. “How are you, Mom?” Dark shadows played under her eyes, making them seem sunken, like she was ill. Her weight hadn’t improved, she was scarily thin, and it hurt my heart to see it. In the time I’d been home, her health had clearly declined, and I blamed myself. Inadvertently I’d stirred up the past and she was paying for it. Would she just fade away to nothing if I kept going? My chest tightened at the thought. What was I doing to her?
“I’m good,” she said. “I’ve been a bit rundown, before you go pestering me about why I haven’t been out to see you.”
“I’m not here to pester you. I just wanted to visit. Maybe we could have lunch? Make a pot of soup to warm us up?” Something, anything, to make her eat.
I stepped past and went to the kitchen, checking the contents of the fridge. Mom was the type who lived on bare necessities if she didn’t feel like facing the world, and guilt gnawed away at me, making my gut roil. Why did I always presume she’d be OK, when I knew damn well how fragile she was? I played the should have game with myself while I searched for ingredients. Should have come over sooner, should have called more, should have…
The world was a lonely place sometimes, especially for people like Mom, and I grieved for the life she should have had. A happy one, full of friendships, and laughter, and love. But instead she’d lost her husband and that had changed everything. My mom, who had always been a little vague, had become reclusive. I was young, but I remembered it well, because it had been like someone had switched a light off and things had become very murky at home, save for Aunt Bessie’s visits. As I’d got older and understood her grief better, I’d recognized the signs of someone fighting an internal battle every day, just barely holding on. Eating was a struggle for her, cleaning compulsive, her behavior erratic but excused as someone who was trying her hardest to stay here in the present.
Staring into the fridge I wasn’t surprised to find it only held a range of condiments, half a liter of milk, and little else.
“Why don’t I go to the store and buy some fresh fruit and vegetables? We can make a pot of hearty winter soup? We can freeze portions so you
