I see you’ve moved from stilettos to ballet flats.”
“Why fight it?” she said. “I’ve swapped Fifth Avenue for Amazon, why not go all the way?”
“Right? And look how far our dollars will go!”
Later that afternoon, we’d finished all the reordering; charming suppliers was one of Amory’s specialties so I had left that to her while I made progress with the rest of the list.
“Just quickly,” I said, refilling my coffee. “Amidst the NYE party, we’ve also got to make a start on our February wedding. Can you touch base with our bride and get her RSVP list? Once that’s done, we’ll knuckle down on what else we need to do.”
“Already done, darling,” Amory said, holding out her empty mug.
“You’re a superstar.” That’s what I loved about Amory – in business she was always a step ahead. She truly loved her job and thrived on being busy.
“Thank you, darling. It’s sweet of you to state the obvious.”
“Humble too, so utterly humble.”
“I try.”
“Shall we set up a time to Skype our bride?”
“Yes, I’ll email her and lock in time for this week, yeah?”
“Perfect.” We may have been midway through planning a NYE party, but weddings normally needed more than a month’s notice and we needed to ensure our first Cedarwood nuptials went off without a hitch.
After giving me an air kiss, Amory went to her office and I called the grocer. Difficult suppliers that they were, he wouldn’t budge and gave me a stern talking-to about food waste and being flighty. Holding in a scream, I reassured him we’d take what we’d ordered and sort out the new menu soon. Really, we’d have to find someone more accommodating in the future, but for now, he would have to do.
Cruz rapped on the door and came in with a plate of sandwiches. He popped them on my desk and left as quickly as he’d come – I yelled out thanks. While I nibbled, I switched gears and scoured the internet for props for the party, like feather boas and moustaches on sticks that guests could use in the photo booth. Scotty smelled something delicious on offer and scampered in, paws up on my shins, little nose twitching. I snuck him some of the ham from my sandwich, and wondered briefly if we were all sneaking him food. He was irresistible and I now knew the meaning of the term ‘puppy-dog eyes’. Once he’d taken his fill and knew I was fresh out of scraps for him he toddled off, probably next door to Amory to repeat the process.
My cellphone buzzed, and I checked the screen before answering. Mom. I smiled, hoping she was calling about all the gold and glitter desserts we’d ordered.
“Mom, how are you?”
“Clio, what have you done?” Her frosty tone froze me down to my bones. “You promised me you’d leave it alone, and now Isla comes into Puft and tells us all how she’s found a maze, and is going to restore it back to its former glory. You promised me, Clio.”
Damn it. I hadn’t thought to tell Isla to keep it hushed up for now. To be honest, I hadn’t expected her to mention it to anyone, least of all my own mother.
I took a steadying breath. “They don’t know anything about it, Mom. Isla stumbled on it and showed Micah, and they announced it to all of us on Christmas Eve. There was nothing I could do since they found it by pure accident. And I didn’t mention a word about it, I just changed the subject and hoped they’d forget.”
Mom sighed, a world-weary, I-can’t-handle-this-any-more kind of sound. I was at a loss for words and was bone-weary about it all myself. Hiding someone else’s secret was exhausting, especially when I didn’t know what it was exactly.
Mom’s delicate health concerned me, and I worried about what she’d do if she felt cornered, but surely it had to come out. It’s not as though the townsfolk didn’t know… They did, and they were keeping their lips pressed tight when questioned over it. And me, her own daughter, wasn’t trusted enough to confide in. It was mind-bending.
“Mom, look. I know it’s difficult for you and I’m not trying to push you or anything, but don’t you think it’s time you told me? Cedarwood is getting busier by the day. We’ve got guests booked to stay in the lodge soon. We’ve got parties and weddings planned. I can’t keep it a secret for ever. People will stumble over it if they hike, and especially as Isla clears the grounds come spring. Don’t you think it’s better if I know what happened?” She didn’t say anything but her breathing was audibly shallow. With a soothing voice I tried a different tack. “Why don’t you come visit, and we’ll find the maze together?”
“I never want to see it again as long as I live.” Her voice broke but I pushed on. At least she hadn’t hung up on me… not yet anyway. That had to be progress.
“I know you don’t. But avoiding the situation isn’t working, is it? Lots of people have kept your secret, Mom, which says a lot about how people feel about you. It’s time to trust me. I am your daughter, and I do love you unconditionally.”
The line went silent, and eventually she said so softly I could barely hear her, “I haven’t exactly been a mother to you.”
I closed my eyes, wishing so hard that she’d just forgive herself for whatever it was. “I love you, Mom. You’ve done the best job you could. I’m home now and I want to work on our relationship, and that means we have to be honest with each other.”
Once upon a time I couldn’t get out of town quick enough, bereft that my mom didn’t care one iota about me. I’d been ready for a new life and new friends who would eventually become my family. But I’d been young and naïve and hadn’t known that whatever had happened to Mom had shaped her future and made her turn in on herself. Now, I was ready to help her navigate whatever it was, and be there for her, without any recriminations on my part. It was the only way forward. Any grudges I’d held had evaporated a long time ago and all I cared about was that she got better.
The faint sound of crying traveled the length of the line, and my heart just about tore in two. “Think about it, yeah, Mom? We can get through anything, me, you, and Aunt Bessie.”
She cleared her throat, and managed to compose herself enough to say, “I’ll think about it, Clio. Will I see you for Friday night dinner?”
“You sure will, I’m looking forward to it.” The hope in her voice told me to leave it for the time being. That she was happy to have dinner with me was enough. It was a step forward and not something I would ever take for granted.
We hung up, and while it had been an emotional phone call, I felt like we’d finally gotten somewhere. Now I just had to tell Isla to leave the maze be for the time being; as thrilling as it would be to see it restored, we had to bide our time.
While the sun sank behind the mountains, pitching the sky into shades of dense gray, I thought about love and loss, and what shaped our lives. Could my mom find peace? I hoped so. If I didn’t truly believe she could find peace, I wouldn’t have pushed her so. She’d been living as if she was paying a penance, obsessively cleaning, hyper alert, not interacting
