she didn’t want to be known after all.
Ben lifted his head to gaze all too understandingly at her. ‘You’re thinking.’
‘You didn’t want me to turn off my brain.’
‘Turn it down a notch then, Princess. Stop thinking something bad is going to happen.’
‘I’m not—’ She struggled for words, for breath. ‘I’m not used to this.’
‘I know.’
‘Really?’ She couldn’t keep herself from attacking, even now, when they were naked, their bodies pressed so intimately together, Ben looking at her so tenderly. ‘I’ve been with plenty of men before, you know. The tabloids didn’t get it that wrong.’ She was exaggerating on purpose, to push him away. Even now. Especially now.
Ben gazed at her steadily. ‘This is nothing like that.’
Natalia felt as if he’d stolen the breath right from her lungs. ‘That’s why I’m so scared,’ she whispered.
‘And you think I’m not?’ Ben asked, his voice a raw whisper. ‘I’m scared, and as you pointed out, I’m scared of being scared. I’ve got it double. So I beat you in that department, Princess.’
She laughed, a bubble of joy rising inside her, relaxing her, and Ben bent his head to her body, his mouth moving over her breasts, sucking, nipping. She threaded her fingers through his hair, so crisp and soft, as sensation took over. She definitely wasn’t overthinking this now.
Yet Ben never let her slide into oblivion. Any time she did, closing her eyes, throwing her head back, forgetting, he brought her back to the present, to him, nudging her eyes open, making her respond not just with her body, but with her mind. Her heart.
She writhed underneath him, resisting, wanting this to be simple. Easy. Safe.
Yet nothing about being with Ben was any of those things. It was frightening and wonderful and far too intense. His mouth moved down her body, lingering in certain places, his tongue tasting her skin, memorising her. Natalia lay there, accepting and strangely humbled, and yet also fighting the tide of desire that threatened to wash right over her, sweep her out to sea. She was afraid of this. Afraid of losing control, of being laid bare, body and heart and mind, before him.
His hair brushed her tummy as he moved lower, and then his mouth was between her legs, right at the centre of her, and Natalia tensed. His hands rested on her thighs, gently forcing her to stay splayed, utterly exposed and vulnerable, everything open to him, and she couldn’t bear it.
Natalia tried to pull away, resisting, afraid and embarrassed, but Ben wouldn’t let her hide herself. His mouth pressed against her and her body jerked in response, pleasure and sensation spiralling upwards inside her as her voice caught on a jagged cry. His tongue flicked against her folds and she cried again, the pleasure so intense it felt painful.
Still she resisted, her hips twisting as she tried to free herself from his hands. ‘Don’t—’ she gasped, and yet when he stopped she felt as if a jagged hole had been cut through her; she was devastated, empty and aching.
‘Don’t fight it, Natalia. Don’t fight me.’
‘I can’t—’ she gasped, because even now the thought of him seeing her like this made her want to cringe and hide.
‘Why?’ Ben asked quietly. She felt his breath feather her heated skin. ‘Why can’t you?’
‘Because …’
His hands rested on her thighs, steady and warm. ‘Do you want me to stop?’
‘No—’ she gasped, because that thought was intolerable. His mouth found her again and this time Natalia couldn’t resist it. She gave herself up to the feeling, to him, and when she cried out, her voice a broken splinter of sound, he slid inside her, consuming her as tears of both emotional and physical release streamed down her face and pleasure like nothing she’d ever known coursed through her, filled her heart to overflowing so the shell around it cracked and broke right open.
Her body clenched around him and she matched him stroke for stroke, tears still streaking down her face, waves of pleasure washing over her in an endless tide. Then she felt Ben find his own release, his body shuddering against hers before he subsided, their hearts beating a desperate rhythm against each other.
She was completely exposed, her body and heart, and there was nothing she could do about it. No way to hide or pretend now. Gently Ben wiped the tears from her face as her body shuddered in the aftermath of the most intense orgasm she’d ever experienced.
Her heart felt like something fragile and fledgling, exposed to the elements, barely able to survive. Even now she wanted to pull away and protect it. Protect herself.
He kissed the corner of her eye where another tear had started to trickle down. ‘Are these good tears?’ he murmured.
‘I don’t know,’ Natalia confessed in a shaky whisper. ‘I don’t know what they are.’ She’d never felt so much. Revealed so much. She felt both empty and full at the same time.
Ben didn’t answer, but as he rolled off her Natalia felt ridiculously bereft, as if he’d just left her. Rejected her. He slipped from the bed and she watched in surprise and then understanding as he moved through the darkness of the bedroom. He turned on the light in the en suite bathroom and a second later he slid back into bed and pulled her towards him. He fit her snugly against him, his chin resting on her shoulder as his thumb continued to trace the silvery track of tears down her cheek.
‘Better?’ he whispered, and she nodded, felt herself slowly start to relax, the tightly held parts of herself loosen. They had been good tears after all. ‘Happy?’ he asked, and she smiled and reached for his hand, threading his fingers with her own.
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Happy.’ And safe. In Ben’s arms, she felt safe and vulnerable, which was a mind-blowing combination. She felt known.
And it was wonderful.
NATALIA woke slowly to sunlight, her body aching in the most amazing places. She shifted, felt Ben’s arm heavy across her and smiled. Memories of last night drifted through her mind in pleasure-splintered fragments, memories of an intimacy so incredible and life-changing she could hardly believe it was real. It had happened.
She turned so she could see Ben, his face relaxed in slumber, his lashes long and curly on his stubble-roughened cheeks. Still smiling she reached over and with one finger touched his mouth, the mouth that had kissed and loved her all over. Even now, in the safety of his embrace, the memories made her blush. This was all so new, not just Ben, but her. Who she was. Who she was with him.
Ben opened his eyes and blinked sleep from them before giving her a lazy smile. ‘Princess,’ he said, ‘are you checking me out?’
‘No—’ Natalia said instinctively, and his smile deepened.
‘You shouldn’t
