what?
The knowledge that the universe could not be ignored was one he carried with him every second of the day; there were always consequences. Problem was at this instant he couldn’t care less—which was dangerous beyond belief. He mustn’t let her close. For both their sakes. Ruby wanted a family and she deserved to have that—she might believe now that she wanted single parenthood, but he hoped that one day she would find love with a man who could give her everything she deserved. Ethan was not that man—and he would not mess with her head.
With a supreme effort of will he pulled back and for a long second they gazed at each other, puffs of breath mingling in the cold.
‘I...’ Her voice trailed off as she lifted her fingers to her lips again. As if they stung in sheer frustration.
Well he could empathise with that. All of him was tingling with spikes of unfulfilled need.
‘I...um...what now?’
‘I don’t know.’
What could he say? There was no point trying to dismiss what had happened. That kiss had been off the Richter scale and it had changed everything. Which was a problem.
‘But I apologise.’ From somewhere he pulled a smile—this Christmas Day would not be ruined by his stupidity. ‘We need to forget that happened. And whilst we try to do that let’s keep sledging.’
Truth be told, he couldn’t think what else to do. The alternative was to hotfoot it back to the chalet and haul her into the bedroom.
A silence, and then she essayed a small, determined nod. ‘Okay,’ she agreed. ‘This is such an amazing place to be, and I am having a wonderful Christmas Day, so don’t apologise. We can chalk it up to an inevitable moment of foolishness.’
* * *
To his surprise there was no awkwardness in the next few hours—Ruby took to the snow like the proverbial duck to water, and swerved and dipped and dived over the slopes. They raced each other and laughed over the results, argued with mock ferocity over a handicap system, and sledged until dusk hit.
‘Time for the next stop,’ Ethan said. ‘Gaston should be back with the carriage and then it’s time for Christmas drinks and dinner in town.’
The knowledge was a relief, because despite all his efforts the air still hummed with the undercurrent of attraction and they needed time before they returned to the problematic fairy tale chalet, with its solitude and adjoining bedrooms.
‘Great.’ Ruby clapped her hands together to get rid of the last vestige of snow and leant with natural grace to pick up her toboggan.
The carriage journey into town was silent—but not a silence of an awkward or grim calibre. Ethan would have classed it as one infused with an undercurrent he wasn’t sure he grasped. Every so often Ruby would glance at him with a sideways sweep, her eyes wide in thought as one finger curled a tendril of dark hair that escaped from her red bobble hat.
And then the horse came to a halt and they disembarked into the Christmas card scene of the Alpen town. The atmosphere was lively, and the artful array of high-end shops was combined with an olde-worlde charm.
‘It’s gorgeous...’ Ruby breathed.
As was she.
They walked down the snow-dusted street, illuminated by the glow of lights from the multitude of bars and restaurants and the twinkle of lights that decked the air. Next to him Ruby had subsided back into silence. She broke it with a quick look up at him.
‘Where are we having dinner?’
‘A Michelin-starred restaurant owned by the resort. We’re a bit early, but we can have a drink before.’
‘How about in here?’ she suggested, stopping outside a bar that resembled an old coaching inn.
‘Sure.’
They stepped over the threshold into the warmth of the bar. Chatter in a variety of languages mingled with universal laughter and the chink and rattle of glasses and cutlery. The aroma of fondue and beer was mixed with the tang of snow.
‘What would you like?’
‘A small glass of white wine, please.’ Ruby eyed him with something very near speculation as she tugged her bobble hat off.
‘Coming right up.’ He shrugged out of his jacket and dropped it on the back of a chair whilst she seated herself at the round wooden table. As he headed through the throng to the bar he was aware of her eyes as they followed his progress.
Minutes later he returned and placed her wine and his tankard of beer on the table. He sat down and surveyed her thoughtful expression. Something had shifted and he wasn’t sure what it was. The idea that they were on the brink of new territory sent a conflict of anticipation and panic to his synapses.
Ruby lifted her glass. ‘To us. And how far we’ve come.’
Her words seemed imbued with meaning. The crowd and the hum of conversation seemed to fade, to leave only Ruby and himself. Perhaps he should make a stalwart attempt to pull the conversation round to work, but the idea refused to be translated into words.
The moment they had avoided so dextrously refused to be ignored any longer. That kiss—the mammoth in the room—was sitting right next to them, drink in hand. All he could think about was how her lips had felt, the wonder and the beauty and the sheer pleasure of that kiss. A kiss he’d waited a decade for...the desire he’d run from all those years ago. And now...
Ruby leant forward, her sapphire eyes sparkling as she tucked a stray tendril of hair behind her ear. ‘I’ve been thinking, and I want...’ Her cheeks flushed with a tinge of pink. ‘I want... I want—’ She broke off. ‘Maybe it’s better to start with what I don’t want. I don’t want a relationship with you. I don’t want to climb into your boat or to rock it in any way whatsoever. My goal is adoption, and I will not let anything stand in my way.’
A pause whilst she sipped her drink.
‘But I would like to explore this further. You and me. Just whilst we’re here. Like a bubble of time between our pasts and our futures. I’d like to enjoy the now. With you. A two-night holiday fling. That’s what you normally do, isn’t it?’
No! It was an enormous effort to haul the syllable back. But instinct revolted, because Ethan knew that whatever happened between him and Ruby it didn’t class with his usual liaisons.
‘No.’ The word was gentle. ‘No, Ruby. You are different. If we do this I need you to know that.’
If they did this.
Ethan tried to think—when all he wanted to do was punch the air in triumph, sling Ruby over his shoulder caveman-style and get back to the chalet pronto. But he couldn’t do that. Ruby had thought this through and he needed to do that as well.
Hours before he had ended their kiss because he had believed it was a bad idea—succumbing to emotion and impulse would land him in trouble. Worse, it could land Ruby in trouble, and he wouldn’t let that happen. She’d been messed around enough by the men in her life—he wouldn’t add to that.
