served to irritate her. Did he think she was stupid? ‘Come on, Alex. I expected better from you of all people. You don’t have to want me, it’s okay, but please respect me enough not to fob me off with the whole “It’s not you, it’s me” line. Do you know how many times I’ve heard it? And I know you trot it out on a regular basis.’
‘But this time I mean it. Dammit, Flora. Do you really think I’m good enough for you? That there’s anything in my soulless, workaholic, shallow life that could make you happy?’
‘I...’ Was that really what he thought? ‘You do make me happy. You’re my best friend.’
‘And you’re mine and, believe me, Flora, I am more grateful for that than you will ever know. But you’ve been saving me since you were eight. Now it’s my turn to save you. From me. Don’t you think I haven’t thought about it? How easy it would be? You’re beautiful and funny and we fit. We fit so well. But you deserve someone whole. And I haven’t been whole for a long, long time.’
How could she answer that? How could she press further when his voice was bleak and the look in his eyes, when the lamp highlighted them, was desolate? She took in a deep breath, the cold air sharpening her focus, the icy breeze freezing the tears that threatened to fall.
‘I break everything I touch, Flora,’ Alex said after a while. ‘I can’t, I won’t break you. I won’t break us. Because if I didn’t have you in my life I wouldn’t have anything. And I’m just too selfish to risk that.’
What about me? she wanted to ask. Don’t I get a say? But she didn’t say anything. Instead she slipped her glove off and reached her hand across until she found his, looping her cold fingers through his, anchoring him tightly. ‘I’m not going anywhere,’ she whispered, her head on his shoulder, breathing him in. ‘I promise, you don’t get rid of me that easily.’
He didn’t answer but she felt the rigid shoulder relax, just a little, and his fingers clasped hers as if he would never let her go. Maybe this would be enough. It would have to be enough because it was all he was offering her.
‘YOU ARE NOT seriously expecting me to get down there?’ Flora pushed up her goggles and glared at the ski instructor.
He shrugged. ‘It’s the only way down.’
‘Yes, but I thought we would stay on the nursery slopes until I could actually ski! This is a proper mountain. With snow on it.’
‘Flora, you were too good for those within an hour and you nailed that blue. You are more than ready for this. Come on, it’s an easy red. End the day on a high note.’
‘Red!’ She stared down the icy slope. Easy? It was practically vertical. Her palms dampened at the thought of launching her body down there. She glared at a small group of schoolkids as they enthusiastically pushed off. They were smaller, more compact. Had a lot less further to fall...
A figure skied easily down the higher slopes towards them and pulled up with a stylish turn, which made Flora yearn to push them right over.
‘Having trouble?’ Alex. Of course. He was annoyingly at home on the slopes. Although, she reflected, he had an unfair disadvantage; after all he’d gone skiing with his school every year since he was eight. After he had left home and put himself through college and then university, his one extravagance was skiing holidays—although a host of rich school friends with their own chalets helped keep the costs down.
‘She won’t go,’ her instructor explained. ‘I tell her it’s more than doable but she refuses.’
‘So how are you planning to get down, Flora? Bottom first?’
She glared at the two of them, hating their identical, idiotic male grins. If only this particular slope had a nice cable car, like the one that had brought them up to the nursery slopes from the hotel. Then she could have just hopped back in and had a return ride. But no, it was a one way trip up in the lift and no way back down apart from on two plastic sticks.
Or she could wait here until spring and walk down in a nice sensible fashion.
The surprising thing was that she had been doing okay, that was very true. Surprisingly okay in fact. But not so okay that she wanted to take on such a big run. Not yet.
‘The only way to improve is to test yourself,’ Alex said, still annoyingly smug. ‘And this looks far worse than it is. Really it’s just a teeny step up from a blue.’
‘Stop throwing colours at me. It’s not helping.’ The truth was she had barely slept again. An early start and an entire day of concentrating on a new sport had pushed her somewhere beyond tiredness to exhaustion. Muscles she hadn’t even known she possessed ached, her feet hurt and all she wanted was a long, hot bath.
But she wouldn’t be able to relax even once back in the room. Because Alex would be there. Their conversation from last night had buzzed around and around and around in her head until she wanted to scream with frustration. It had told her so much—and yet it had told her nothing at all. Why did he think he was broken?
‘Look, I’ll take it from here,’ Alex told her instructor. ‘Why don’t you get going and you can start again tomorrow? I promise to return her in one piece.’
The instructor regarded her inscrutably from behind his dark lenses. He was tall, tanned and had a lithe grace that at any other time she would have had some pleasure in appreciating but it had been absolutely wasted on her today—she had been far too tired to attempt to flirt back.
‘Tomorrow morning,’ he said finally. It didn’t sound like a request. ‘You will be begging to try a black slope by the end of the week.’
‘Never,’ but she muttered it under her breath, just holding up a hand in farewell as he launched himself down, as graceful as a swallow in flight.
‘So, you know another way down?’
Alex shook his head. ‘It’s on your own two skis only. And we need to hurry up. It’s getting late.’
Flora bit her lip. She shouldn’t be such a wuss but staring down that great expanse made her stomach fall away in fear. It was the same reaction she’d had when Alex took her abseiling. She and mountains were not a good mixture. From now on she would stick to flat surfaces only. Like beaches; she was good with beaches.
‘Okay.’ She inhaled but the action didn’t soothe her at all, her stomach still twisting and turning. Did people really do this for fun?
‘I’ll be right next to you,’ he said, his voice low and comforting. ‘I’ll talk you through every turn.’
‘Right.’
She pulled her goggles back down. Alex was right. It was just after four p.m. and the sun was beginning to disappear, the sky a gorgeous deep red. The slopes had been getting quieter so gradually she had barely noticed, but now it was obvious as she looked around that they were almost alone. Ahead of her the last few skiers were taking off, leaving the darkening slopes, ready to enjoy the huge variety of après-ski activities Innsbruck had to offer.
‘It’s a shame I didn’t know you were here earlier.’
