brows, sitting down beside her heavily.
‘I couldn’t sleep with anyone for more than a year. It tortured me. Then I heard my uncle having a conversation with my father about his mistresses and laughing about how they often tried to get pregnant, not knowing he’d had a vasectomy.’
‘So you went and got one, too?’ Nicole said quietly.
Rigo shook his head. ‘It wasn’t so simple as that. I truly agonised over it. When Lydia first told me she was pregnant I was terrified, but fear soon paved the way for excitement. I had always wanted to be just like my father, you see.’
‘You still went through with it, though?’
‘Yes. I decided that I would never risk giving myself like that ever again anyway, so children wouldn’t be a possibility. I had the procedure, and only had attachments with women I knew were career driven and independent. Nothing close to a gold-digger.’
‘Until you met me.’ Nicole looked up at him, feeling the emotion of his revelation sitting heavy on her chest. ‘It’s very clear to me now why you reacted to me the way you did that morning. I reminded you of her, didn’t I?’ Nicole said sadly.
‘I was unnerved by my oversight, yes. But I know different now. I know the truth about your past.’
‘And yet still you’re determined never to let anyone in ever again?’
‘Nicole...I told you this to help you understand me...’
‘And now I do. Very clearly.’ She stood up, walking as far as the balustrade before turning to face him. ‘What happened to you was painful and scarring. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to trust a woman again.’ She shook her head. ‘But here we are, married a little over a week now, and I’m only just finding this out.’
‘I should have told you before. But we had agreed to keep our distance, I didn’t think you needed to know.’
‘I thought that you were distant with me because of our past. That you were still learning to trust me. I’ve been hoping that maybe with time... That some day we could have more.’
‘I do trust you, Nicole.’ He stood up, taking her hands.
She shook him off, turning away. ‘You trust me not to steal your money, perhaps. But you’ll never trust me with your heart, will you?’ She turned back, seeing his face twist in confusion.
‘My heart? What does that have to do with trusting one another?’ He raised his voice.
‘Everything!’ she said, emotion pouring out of her with every word. ‘How can you not tell that I’m head over heels in love with you?’ She refused to let the tears fall from her eyes. ‘I’ve been falling for you since the night I opened up and told you about my past. I spoke the truth for the first time and you listened. You’re the only person in this world who truly sees me for who I am. What we have together is real—can’t you see that?’
‘I know it’s real. We have a great thing here, Nicole.’
‘But you don’t love me.’ She let the words fall heavily between them. Creating a gap that she knew now would never be filled no matter how hard she tried.
Rigo ran a hand through his hair, his blue eyes darkening with frustration. ‘It’s not that I don’t—it’s that I can’t. You’re asking for something from me that doesn’t exist.’
Nicole shook her head. ‘Of course it exists. You’re not a robot just because you’ve been burned badly. You’re afraid to give yourself fully to anyone, and I understand that.’
‘Nicole, let’s just take a breather here...’ He took a few steps away from her, his body tense and unyielding.
‘This conversation was always going to happen,’ she went on. ‘And I’m glad it’s happening now. I won’t settle for half a relationship—not when I know now that I deserve more.’
‘So I don’t deserve you? Is that what this is? You’re trying to force me to say things when you don’t even understand what you’re asking of me.’
‘You don’t have to say anything. I won’t push you, or walk away in a storm of tears.’ She cleared her throat. ‘I’m giving you the option to go back to our previous arrangement.’
‘Nicole...’
‘That is all I’m prepared to give, Rigo. If we continue down this road someone will end up getting hurt. And we both know that someone will be me.’
Rigo remained silent, watching her with the coldest look she had ever seen him give. It was as though she could almost literally see shutters coming down in his eyes. Blocking him away from her words.
‘I will still be your wife. But in name only.’ Her voice was stiff and scratchy with the effort of holding off the flood of emotion she knew was imminent.
‘If that’s what will make you happy, then by all means move your things into one of the guest bedrooms.’ He sat down, pouring himself another glass of wine.
Nicole stood there for longer than she should have, staring down at the man she loved, willing him to come to his senses.
As she walked back indoors and moved silently up the stairs she willed him to follow her. Just as she had willed him to follow her on that day she had told him she was pregnant a lifetime ago. But this feeling was so much worse. Before, she hadn’t loved him. She hadn’t even known what love was. Now she felt as though her heart was breaking with every step away from him, even though she knew it was for the best.
She couldn’t give everything to him knowing that he would never feel the same. That he would always be holding back some part of himself from her.
By the time she stood in their bedroom, packing her things into her case before moving them to another room, the tears had begun flowing in earnest. She continued to pack, wiping each tear away, furiously trying to hold it together.
Then she heard a loud engine roar to life outside the window and she looked down to see Rigo’s car speeding down the driveway, its headlights disappearing into the night.
She sat down on the bed and finally admitted to herself what she had refused to believe completely. There was no hope to hold on to anymore.
Loud, whimpering sobs racked her chest as she leaned forward, wrapping her arms around herself.
It was over.
* * *
Rigo stood in the makeshift office at the villa, waiting for the call to tell him that his jet was ready to go. He still had five days left of his honeymoon, but he couldn’t stay here a moment longer. Not now that Nicole was refusing to speak to him.
Her anger he could take easily. But her silence was more than he could bear.
He should have known it would end this way. Things had been going far too well. At least before they had been able to be civil at times. Now here they were, married a mere week and absolutely miserable, just as she had predicted. Divorce wasn’t only a possibility now. It was inevitable.
He thought of
