style="font-size:15px;"> ‘I never want to talk of this again.’ Anger boiled over inside him, threatening to spill out everywhere, turn him into a copy of the man who’d terrified him as a child, and she’d done that to him.
Emma looked up at him and he watched her bare shoulders go back as she sat a little taller, her chin lifting in that sexily defiant way of hers. ‘I understand, and we won’t.’
She understood? How could she understand? He wanted to ask her about her childhood, just what it was in her past that qualified her even to say that, but he couldn’t deal with any more emotion. He needed space, time on his own. He strode from the bedroom as the light of dawn filled the apartment, thankful that she hadn’t attempted to follow or ask anything else.
THE GENUINE CONCERN Nikolai had been showing her all week, taking time out from the office and going sightseeing with her, had definitely brought them closer in many ways. After the disastrous way last weekend had ended she felt a glimmer of hope and the uneasy sensation that she was doing the wrong thing marrying him melted into the background.
Today he’d chosen a trip on the Hudson River to see the Statue of Liberty. He’d hired a private boat and it was so romantic it reinstated the flailing hope. It was a perfect spring day but, even so, the motion of the boat was making her queasy. Just as she had done every day this week, she tried to hide it from him but, as if he’d become tuned into her feelings, he guessed she was unwell.
‘This wasn’t such a good idea,’ he said as he stood behind her and pulled her close against him. She closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation of being cared for, being protected. Deep down it was all she’d ever wanted. Love and protection had been so lacking in her childhood it had become the elusive dream. A dream which right at this moment felt tantalisingly close.
‘It’s fine,’ she said as she snuggled closer. The spring wind not yet carrying any warmth didn’t help, but, against the man she was most definitely falling in love with, she really didn’t care about anything. Being here in his arms like this was so right, so natural, she didn’t want anything to spoil it. ‘I just don’t think I can take photos today.’
‘Then don’t.’ He kissed the top of her head and she smiled. Was he falling in love with her too? Could she be on the brink of her happy-ever-after? ‘You should stop working and just enjoy the moment. Photographs can wait.’
‘Can I ask you something?’ She started speaking while watching the buildings of New York become ever taller and more modern as they made their way down the river towards downtown Manhattan. Before he had a chance to reply, she spoke again. ‘Have you ever been in love?’
She needed to ask, needed to know if he’d ever let a woman into his heart before, but the tension in his arms as he held her warned her she’d gone too far.
‘No.’ The sharply spoken word told her more than she needed to know. ‘You know what happened when I was a child. You even told me yourself that you didn’t believe in such nonsense as love.’
‘I didn’t,’ she said softly and swallowed down the disappointment. If his mother had found happiness after such a terrible marriage, then love must exist. Her heart was opening to the idea, but could his?
‘I hope that doesn’t mean you’ve changed your mind.’ The sharpness of his words cut the air around them and she shivered, as if winter had returned.
Her heart went into freefall and she focused hard on the New York skyline, determined not to allow his throwaway comments to hurt her, but the truth was she had changed her mind. She’d changed it because of her deepening feelings for him, feelings that she knew for sure could only be love.
‘Of course I haven’t,’ she said quickly, sensing that to tell him now wouldn’t be sensible. She had to remember why she was here as his fiancée at all. She was carrying his child and he’d made a deal with her, a deal which gave her baby all she’d missed out on as a child, and she wasn’t about to jeopardise that. ‘We are doing this for our child.’
‘And your sister.’ His stern reminder left her in no doubt he considered his offer the deal clincher. It was nothing more than a deal for him, but his next words cut her heart in two, making her feel shallow. ‘Funds for her “dream”, as you called it, were the sealing factor in the deal, were they not?’
He let her go and moved to stand next to her, feigning an interest in the city’s skyline, and she knew she’d got too close to the barriers erected around him, barriers to prevent him from being affected by any kind of sentimental feelings. Deep inside her that newly discovered well of hope dried up. She had thought he might be able to find it in his heart to feel something for her, as she was beginning to for him.
They’d created a child together in a night of passion, a child that would bind them together for evermore, but she wanted more than that. She wanted to be loved and love in return. Every night this week, since they’d returned from their engagement party, the hours of darkness had been filled with passion and her love had grown, but for him it had been nothing more than sex.
She’d let herself down, done the one thing he’d warned her not to do. She wanted more; it hurt to admit it, but she loved him. She tried to distract herself with thoughts of her sister but they made her lonelier than she’d ever been. The last few times she’d called her, Jess hadn’t been able to take the call, and she’d just received brief texts in reply.
‘I’d like to see if Jess can make it to New York for our wedding.’ She tried tentatively to steer the discussion away from the subject of love. Maybe it was a safer thing to talk about. ‘Do we have a date yet?’
He laughed softly and looked at her, almost frazzling her resolve not to feel anything for him. ‘Are you that keen to become my wife or are you just changing the subject?’
‘There’s nothing to be gained by waiting now we have agreed our terms.’ It might be the truth, but her voice had a tart edge to it as she tried to stem the hurt and rejection growing within her.
He looked at her, studying her face for a few seconds, and all she could hear was the sound of the boat engine and the wash of water. The spring sunshine was warm on her face, but not as searing as his gaze. ‘Then you’ll be pleased to know it has all been arranged for this Saturday.’
‘Saturday?’ She whirled round to face him, not caring that she was missing the spectacular views he’d brought her here to see. Saturday was too soon. She’d never be able to organise Jess flying in from Moscow by then. Was he deliberately trying to cut her off from everything she held dear? ‘Jess will never be able to get here by Saturday—and she’s all I have, Nikolai.’
Before he could answer, her phone rang and she snatched at the chance of avoiding his scrutiny. She’d left so many messages for Jess, it had to be her, and she needed to speak to her now more than ever. She looked at the screen, but it wasn’t her sister. It was Richard. Nikolai looked down at the screen while she thought of not answering. She didn’t need to talk to Richard of all people right at this moment, no matter how much he’d helped her get her contract with World in Photographs.
‘You had better answer that.’ His voice was harsh, each word clipped with anger. She looked up at him in confusion but he turned from her and walked away a few paces.
‘Richard,’ she said as she answered the call. ‘How lovely to
