with confusion and guilt.
She pulled off her dress, letting it drop to the floor. She stepped under the shower and thrust her head beneath it, lifting her face into the flow. For long seconds she let the water sluice over her. Then she reached for the soap and began to wash her body. Her breasts tightened as she smoothed the bar of soap across them and she remembered Max’s touch on her skin. She washed the sticky warmth of their mutual desire from between her thighs and she remembered his fingers gliding inside her. She bit her lip, torn between desire and regret.
She shut off the water and wrapped herself in her towel.
The apartment was dark and silent when she exited the bathroom. Max had gone to bed.
Her shoulders relaxed a notch. She made her way to her bed and found Max’s old T-shirt beneath her pillow. She tugged it on, then crawled beneath the covers and closed her eyes.
Her body was as stiff as a board, and her back had begun to sting.
The scent of Max rose from his T-shirt to envelop her, just as it had last night and the night before. She pressed her face into the pillow. Tomorrow she would buy a pair of pajamas and stop surrounding herself with Max.
God, tomorrow.
She tried to imagine what might happen, what Max might say in the cold light of day, what she could say to make everything right between them, but she knew there was no easy solution.
They’d crossed the line. More correctly, she’d crossed the line and dragged Max with her. And tomorrow, she was going to have to pay the piper.
She thought of all the lovers she’d lost over the years.
I don’t want to lose you, too, Max.
But it was possible she already had.
MAX WOKE EARLY. For a second he stared blankly at the wall beside his bed. Then memory returned in a hot, sticky rush.
Maddy against the wall, thrusting her hips toward his. Maddy’s breasts pouting in his hands. Maddy whispering her pleasure in his ear.
Then the aftermath: her injured back; the walk home; the way she’d disappeared into the shower.
He had a flash of the stunned, bewildered look she’d had on her face when they stepped back into the nightclub. At least he’d had ten years of knowing he desired her. What had happened last night seemed to have taken Maddy completely off guard.
And yet…
It had happened. She’d wanted him. She’d invited him to dance with her, and she’d teased him with every move she made. Then she’d kissed him. And led him outside.
She’d wanted him. That much was a reality, even if he’d taken over from there, slamming her against the wall and losing it a little as he pounded himself into her.
He ran his hands over and over the short bristle of his hair, staring at the ceiling. Then he rolled out of bed. He descended the stairs quietly, reluctant to wake Maddy before he was ready to face her.
Given what had happened, there was something he needed to take care of this morning. Something he should have done yesterday, perhaps even the day before.
After a quick shower, he dressed and slipped outside to make a few phone calls without disturbing her. He paused near her bed when he reentered the apartment, his cheeks tingling from the cold outside. Her back was to him, her hair tangled on the pillow.
He could still feel the silk of it sliding through his fingers last night.
He forced himself to keep walking. In the kitchen, he quietly prepared breakfast for one.
He was standing at the table reading the newspaper when he heard her stir. He looked over as she sat up, pushing her hair off her face. She looked flushed and soft. Very sexy and kissable. He quickly returned his attention to the newspaper.
He flicked the page over and concentrated on a story about student protests at the Sorbonne and didn’t allow himself to look up again until he heard the scuff of her footsteps. She stopped a few feet away and eyed him uncertainly.
Her face was pale, tense. They stared at each other for a long, drawn-out beat. Then Maddy made an inarticulate sound and crossed the distance between them. He froze as her arms slid around him and her body pressed against his. She held him tightly, her cheek resting on his chest. After a fraction of a second’s hesitation he returned her embrace.
“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I should never have kissed you like that last night.”
Her words were muffled, she was holding him so tightly.
“I don’t even know why it happened. You mean too much for me to screw up our relationship with sex. We’ve been friends for so long, and I value you so much. You’re one of the few people I can rely on the in the world and I don’t want it to change things between us.”
He could hear the tears in her voice. Her body was trembling with emotion. He hated seeing her so upset.
“It’s okay, Maddy.” He lifted a hand to smooth her hair.
She lifted her face to look at him. Her eyes were shiny with unshed tears.
“I don’t want to lose you, Max.”
“You haven’t. It was one night.”
“I don’t even know why it happened,” she said again.
He squeezed the nape of her neck, then eased out of her embrace.
“You’re freaking out over your career, under pressure. And I’ve got some shit going on, too. We were just letting off steam,” he said.
It was the rational, sensible take on what had happened. A version of events that gave them both a get-out-of-jail-free card.
She studied his face, her brow furrowed. Whatever she saw there seemed to reassure her, because her frown slowly faded.
“Thank you,” she said. The tears were back then, and she blinked rapidly.
“We were both there, Maddy. Last time I looked, it still took two to do what we did,” he said. “Stop blaming yourself.”
“When you’ve ruined as many relationships as I have, it’s hard not to. I mean, I’m kind of the common factor.”
She offered him a self-aware half smile.
He needed something to do with his hands, something to distract him from how vulnerable and sexy and appealing she looked, standing there wearing his T-shirt, apologizing for having had sex with him last night.
“You want a coffee?”
“No, thanks.”
She sat at the table while he remained standing. He poured himself a coffee and added milk. She reached for the sugar bowl and began fiddling with it, twisting it around and around on the table. When she spoke, he saw there was color in her cheeks.
“There’s something
