nothing to worry about. I’m fine. I’m working. I have a show in two weeks’ time, in case you’d forgotten.”
He still couldn’t believe his luck. He’d been at the foundry supervising the casting of his second figure when Celeste Renou had seen his work. She owned a gallery in the exclusive Place des Vosges and had offered him a show on the spot.
He smiled grimly as he reflected that only Maddy’s absence from his life had made it possible for him to come even close to making her deadline. He’d worked like a madman since the day Maddy left—morning, noon and night—channeling all his energy and regret and anger and frustration and lust and hurt and resentment into his art.
Three months. She’d been gone three months and he still woke to thoughts of her. He still smelled her perfume in his apartment, on his sheets and towels and shirts. He still found long strands of brown hair on his coat, his scarf.
He still loved her.
He was starting to wonder if that would ever change. Perhaps the best he could hope for was that his feelings would become dormant, as they had before. Lie down and play dead—until the next contact with Maddy, the next time he saw her or heard her voice.
“Max, this isn’t about your show or your art or anything except for you. Have you looked in the mirror lately? You look like shit. You’ve lost weight. The homeless man on the corner has better personal hygiene. Talk to me.”
“I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not. You’re not over Maddy. You’re not even close to being over Maddy, and I’m worried about what it’s doing to you.”
“I’ll survive. The show will be over soon. I promise I’ll shower before then.”
She didn’t smile. She looked as though she was struggling to contain herself.
“Okay, I’m going to say this because I think it needs to be said. You know I loved Maddy. I adored her. But the fact remains that she took off the moment she had a whiff of her career being resuscitated, and she didn’t even bother to say goodbye to any of us. Including you. I’m sure she’s had to learn to be so self-centered to survive in her profession, but it’s not so great for everyone else in her life. Is she worth it, Max? I guess that’s what I’m trying to ask you. Is Maddy worth all this angst and isolation?”
“Leave it, Charlotte.”
“No. I think you need to hear this. While you’re turning into a smelly crazy man, she’s off dancing the light fantastic somewhere. Can’t you see the imbalance? Can’t you see—”
“It wasn’t Maddy’s fault, okay?” he snapped, unable to listen to his sister rail at Maddy when he knew the truth. He’d held his tongue through Charlotte’s shock at Maddy’s abrupt departure and Eloise’s disappointment at losing her dancing teacher. He hadn’t said a word. But for some reason, the closer the date for the opening of his show came, the more it chafed on him that he’d let his sister assume the worst about Maddy.
“Maddy didn’t get a job offer and just take off. I found the opportunity for her through an old friend, set up an interview for her, encouraged her to go. And she wanted to come back to Paris to say goodbye, but I told her not to. So don’t blame her if you’re upset. Blame me.”
Charlotte was openmouthed with shock.
“You sent Maddy away?” she said, her voice rising on a high note of incredulity.
“I found a way for her to dance again.”
“In another country. And then you told her not to come back?” Charlotte’s face was creased with confusion. “Why would you do that to yourself when you love her so much?”
He threw the file onto his workbench.
“You saw what she was like. She was brokenhearted about having to retire. I found her a second chance to do something she loved.”
Charlotte sank into a chair. “My God. I always knew you had a Sir Galahad complex, but this takes the cake.”
“I wanted her to be happy,” he said defensively.
“I got that, you noble idiot. Did you at least tell her how you felt before she left?”
He looked at her but said nothing.
Charlotte swore loud and long. “Max! Are you telling me you packed Maddy off and you never said a word to her about how you feel?”
His continued silence was answer enough. Charlotte shot to her feet, throwing her hands in the air in exasperation.
“All this time I’ve been angry with Maddy for abandoning you, and she was the one I should have felt sorry for. Why didn’t you say something to her before she left, Max?”
“There was no point.”
“Why?”
“Because I know how she feels. I’ve always known how she feels.”
Charlotte closed her eyes and made a sound like a kettle boiling.
“You are such a…man!”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You have no idea how Maddy feels.”
“I’ve known her for ten years. I know exactly how she feels.”
“No, you don’t. You think you know, but you don’t, because you never asked her. You never told her how you feel, and you never asked her how she feels.”
“It wouldn’t have made any difference,” he said stubbornly.
Charlotte stepped close and grabbed his arm, her eyes intense as they bored into him. “You don’t know that.”
He stared at her, and she shook his arm.
“You sent her to Amsterdam without telling her you didn’t want her to go. How do you think she must have felt, Max? First you find her a job thousands of miles away, then you drive her to the airport and tell her not to bother coming back. My God. Even if she didn’t love you she must have felt as though she’d overstayed her welcome.”
For the first time he considered what had happened from Maddy’s point of view. She’d been thrilled about the new role with the Nederlands Dans Theatre. He knew he was right about that. But she’d spoken about him visiting her in Amsterdam. And she’d wanted to come back to Paris to sort things out with him.
What if his sister was right? What if he’d pushed Maddy away when he should have been pulling her close? What if he’d been so busy giving her what he thought she wanted and protecting himself that he’d destroyed his one chance at happiness?
“I’ve spent so long believing it would never happen between us I couldn’t see any other way forward,” he finally admitted.
“Call her.”
He shook his head. There were things he needed to say that couldn’t be said over a phone. He needed to see her in person, to look into her eyes.
