You were the one who took the initiative to start tours. Connor could never have forced you to do it, even if he’d waited outside your house every single day for a year.’
He stopped, trying to gauge whether she was taking it in.
‘I know Connor is important to you, and that the two of you have been through a lot together, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it alone. Besides, you won’t be alone.’
She looked up at him now, and the hope in her eyes knocked him in the gut.
‘I mean, I don’t think Connor won’t be there for you any more just because he’s having a baby.’ He said the words quickly, for reasons he didn’t want to examine. Not when they were so entwined with feelings he couldn’t explain. The hope in her eyes was quickly dimmed, and although he knew he had spoken in response to that hope its extinguishment disappointed him.
‘Yeah, maybe you’re right,’ she said, and was quiet as she waited for him to dish up.
And even though the meal was one of his favourites to make on the rare occasions he was at home, he didn’t taste it. His thoughts were too busy with why he had tried to back out of the support he wanted to offer her.
‘I think I forgot that Connor’s baby will be my family, too.’
Callie spoke softly, and dragged him from his thoughts. Her expression was pensive, but when she met his eyes there was a sparkle there that had been missing the entire day.
‘I’ve been thinking selfishly all day.’
‘Your reaction was completely normal. You weren’t being selfish.’
‘Maybe normal, but definitely selfish.’
She smiled at him, and his lips curved in response. ‘Maybe just a little.’
She laughed lightly, cut another piece from her steak, and then looked at him. ‘You’re the first person who’s ever made me feel like it’s okay to be alone. Or that I might have helped myself get out of my depression. Thank you.’
Her words were so sincere that they ripped at his heart, and immediately he felt like a fraud. He didn’t deserve her gratitude when he couldn’t even tell her that he would be there for her. When her simple comments about family had frozen him up.
‘You’re welcome.’
They ate the rest of their meal in silence, each lost in thought, and when they were done she ran the water for washing the dishes. He sat back, watching her as she pulled plates into the soapy water, rinsed them, and then placed them on the dish rack. Slowly, almost without realising it, he began to picture her there after a long day at work.
He could almost see the rain outside the window above where she was washing up, could hear the fire roaring in the living room. He even saw himself walking to her and offering a hand, drawing her close to him as he touched her stomach, where she was carrying their child...
‘You know, I think before today I hadn’t thought about family outside of my parents and brother. But it’s nice to think that we could expand.’
He was ripped out of his fantasy, felt his heart racing faster than he’d thought possible. ‘Yeah?’
‘Yeah.’ She turned to him and her expression softened. ‘Wasn’t your time with Brent good?’
His heart still pounded as he answered her. ‘Yes, it was.’
‘I thought so.’ She nodded, and started washing again. ‘Connor’s going to be an amazing father. And being an aunt won’t be so bad.’
It was almost as though she was thinking out loud.
‘I’ll get to practise for when I have my own kids one day. Ha! I hadn’t even thought about having my own family until now.’
‘Do you want to have a family?’ he asked, before he could stop himself. He didn’t think he would have been able to stop himself even if he’d had the chance. Not when he still saw that picture of her pregnant in their house—no, his house—vividly in his mind.
She turned around and wiped her hands with a dry cloth. ‘Yeah—yeah, I think I do.’ She tilted her head and said, ‘It’s our legacy, I guess.’ She smiled at him. ‘Building on the foundation of family that our parents gave us.’
The words hit him right in the stomach, and finally he realised what it was that was bothering him. Family. The word that described his biggest disappointments. And now, he thought in panic, his biggest fear.
‘Callie, do you mind if I take you home?’ he asked, and ignored the voice in his head that called him a coward. ‘It’s getting late and I still have a couple of things to do before our next proposal tomorrow.’
‘Um...okay—sure,’ she said, and his heart clenched when he saw her bewildered expression.
He helped her with the dishes in silence as he tried to work through the thoughts in his head. He wanted it. Family. With Callie. Never before had he felt a need more intense. Never before had he seen something this clearly. But he’d lost things before. Things that hadn’t meant nearly as much to him. And those things had nearly broken him.
Like Brent, he thought as they made their way to the car. He’d loved that boy more than he’d thought he could, and his heart was still raw from not being near him. And like his parents, who had both, in their own way, left him. He fought the memories of those heartbreaks every day, still carried the scars of them with him.
More so than he had realised, he thought, remembering his conversation with Callie on the boat when she had pointed it out to him.
If somehow this didn’t work out between them—if, for some reason, Callie left him—he knew he wouldn’t be able to go on as though nothing had happened. No, he would be a broken man. And she would carry the pieces of him with her, so that he would never be able to put himself together again.
And even if she didn’t leave he would risk disappointing her. He knew nothing about family. Nothing about the foundation she spoke of—her legacy. He didn’t have much to contribute to that. His mother had left him and his father was more business partner than parent.
It didn’t matter that he wanted to be a part of her life, he thought sadly, and it didn’t matter that he wanted to have a family with her. What mattered was that he would fail her—just as he had Brent. And he knew that it would kill him if he failed her. And more importantly, he realised, it would devastate him to hurt her like that.
‘Hey, what’s going on?’ she said softly, taking one of his hands.
Blake turned to her and realised that he had pulled up in front of her driveway. He wondered when that had happened.
‘Nothing,’ he answered, feeling his heart hurting from the lie, but knowing it was for the best.
The only way to avoid disappointing, failing or hurting her—and himself—was to put some distance between them. And, though it killed him, that meant not talking to her about the way he felt. Not when he still needed to figure out what to do about it.
‘Really?’ she scoffed. ‘So we’ve been sitting here for ten minutes for you to
