do you mean?’
‘I mean did you end it or did she?’
Blake thought about it. ‘I’m not actually sure. I suppose it was me—though she was the one who actually walked out.’
Connor stared at him, and then shook his head. ‘Of course she would fall for you. You’re safe.’
‘Excuse me?’
‘You’re safe,’ he repeated. ‘You’re not here permanently and you’re her boss. She wouldn’t have to worry about falling for you because you would never feel the same way about her.’
‘That’s not—’
‘In fact she probably never told you how she really felt. She may not be able to hide her feelings, but verbalising them is completely different. So if you weren’t looking, and she didn’t say anything, you’d never know and she’d be able to tell herself that she tried and then move on.’
‘Stop.’
The single word was said so sharply it might have sliced through metal.
‘You have no idea what you’re talking about. She put everything on the line for me.’ Blake ran a hand through his hair. ‘She told me exactly how she feels, and she was perfect. I’m the problem.’
Finally, after repeating the words had Callie told him the last time they’d spoken, something cleared inside his head. He was the problem. He had pushed her away because he’d thought that was best for them—for her.
He turned to Connor, saw the look on his face, and realised he’d been baited.
‘How did you do it?’ he asked Connor, who was watching him with serious eyes. ‘How did you get over your parents’ deaths? In your relationship?’ He saw the surprise on Connor’s face and realised there was no point in pretending he didn’t know. ‘Callie told me you’re expecting. Congratulations.’
‘Thanks.’ Connor paused, as though trying to gather his thoughts, and then he said, ‘I’m sure you know that losing our parents broke both of us.’ He rubbed at the back of his neck. ‘When I found out Elizabeth was pregnant it scared me. I don’t know how to be a father, and I was terrified of caring about her, about our baby, and then losing them. And then I realised that going through life being scared wasn’t living. I thought about coming home to Elizabeth, to our child, and I realised my parents would have wanted that for me. They wanted me to live, to be happy.’
Blake thought about how he’d imagined the same thing, and how it had thrown him into a panic. ‘And that was it?’
‘Pretty much.’ Connor shoved his hand back into his pocket. ‘I’m still scared of losing them. I still don’t know how I’ll be a father. But the thought of not being with them, of not being a father, scares me more.’
Something shifted for Blake as he realised he felt the same way. The misery he felt now because he had lost her—the irony of that gave him a headache—was testament to that. But he still couldn’t shake off that one thing...
‘You had a father to learn from.’
‘We all do. Even if they aren’t perfect,’ Connor continued when Blake opened his mouth to interrupt. ‘We learn from them. We learn what to do and, sometimes more importantly, we learn what not to do. And we should have a partner to help us through it.’ He smiled slightly. ‘It’s not so scary when you realise you’re not alone. Unless, of course, you choose to be.’
He stopped, and then nodded at Blake.
‘I think I’ll head home now. And by the way...’ Blake looked at Connor. ‘I don’t care if you’re my boss. If you hurt her again I’ll kick your butt.’
Blake smiled wanly in response, and then sat down heavily at his desk. Connor had a point. With Brent, Blake had tried to be there as much as possible, and he’d thought he had succeeded until the divorce. It was still a sore point for him, the fact that he couldn’t be there for Brent now. One he had used when he’d decided he couldn’t give Callie the family she needed.
She would be an amazing mother, he thought. She was caring—passionately so. And she would sacrifice her own happiness before letting anything happen to the people she cared about. He could only imagine what she’d do for her child, for her family. She would never leave them—not for one moment...
She would never leave, Blake realised. If Callie had any choice in the matter she wouldn’t leave the people she loved. But he had left. He’d left her, failed her, disappointed her, lost her. All the things he’d wanted to protect her—and himself—from had happened, because he’d chosen to leave the woman he loved.
The realisation hit him like a bomb, and he leaned forward, bracing his arms on his knees. He loved her. And he had hurt her. So much so that the woman he knew in his heart would never leave the person she loved—him—had left. Because he had left her first. He’d done the very thing she’d been afraid of. He’d shown her that opening up to him had been a mistake.
Convincing her to take him back would mean she’d have to trust that he wouldn’t leave again. And how could he do so when he’d already left?
The weight on his shoulders nearly crushed him.
* * *
Callie’s heart broke over and over again each time she thought about it—which felt like every second of every day.
She had taken the week off work, which no one had questioned, despite the fact that she hadn’t taken any time off since she’d started—because she couldn’t bear to see Blake every day. Not when there was a hole in her chest where her heart was supposed to be.
She knew the pieces lay somewhere, broken in her chest, and would no doubt remind her of their brokenness when she saw him. She would forget, just for a second, about the fact that he had left her and she would run into his arms, feel his warmth, smell the comforting musk of his cologne.
And then she would break when she realised that would never happen again.
She shrugged her shoulders and forced herself to breathe as she walked into the hotel on Friday. Kate had called, telling her that a young honeymooning couple had begged her to arrange a tour for them, and since Kate had no idea what to do she’d called Callie. Her favourite tours were those she organised for honeymooners—they were always so happy to be with one another it was infectious—so she’d reluctantly agreed to come in.
Even though she didn’t want to see the man who’d broken her heart. The man who, according to her brother, was a negotiation tsar.
Of course she was happy that the negotiations were going well. But somehow it just didn’t seem important any more. So she would just focus on what she’d come to do.
Kate had told her the couple wanted to see Table Mountain at sunset. That would be in an hour, giving her enough time to introduce herself and travel there with her guests. And to remember that the last time she had been up there had been with Blake.
She stopped when he materialised in front of her. And blinked just to make sure she wasn’t imagining things. That she wasn’t dreaming of him again.
‘Callie.’
