mentioned. He didn’t love her, whereas she’d loved him almost from the start. A part of her truly believed she’d fallen in love with him the moment she’d seen him in Paris. There was no way she would have agreed to an affair if she hadn’t loved him.
But none of those feelings mattered because all the love, respect, trust and friendship in the world couldn’t erase how she’d felt when she’d thought he’d died. That was a period in her life she couldn’t relive. Somehow, she needed to make him understand that.
“What you said might be true, but there’s a reason I can’t marry you, Coop, and it’s one I can’t get beyond.”
He lifted a brow. “And what reason is that?”
She met his gaze, held it and said, “You might die.”
“You might die...”
Coop stared at her, recalling their conversation last night when she’d said the same thing. Why was she so hung up on the possibility of him dying?
Something else he recalled her saying last night was that three years ago she’d thought he’d died like the others. At the time, he’d wondered what others she was talking about. Now he had an idea who they were. Her mother, father and aunt. All the people she’d ever cared about and loved.
His heart pounded hard in his chest. Did that mean she cared deeply for him, that she loved him?
What if he was right? The thought that she could love him as much as he loved her was more than he could have hoped for. There was only one way to find out.
“I vividly remember having this conversation with you last night. Why are you so obsessed with the possibility of me dying, Bristol? Why are you so convinced I won’t come back to you and Laramie?”
He watched her closely, saw how she went still, saw the stark look of fear come into her eyes. Their gazes locked for a minute longer and then she rubbed her hand down her face before meeting his eyes again. Then he saw the tears she was fighting to hold back.
“Talk to me, Bristol. Tell me,” he said softly.
* * *
Bristol’s mind shifted to that day when Dionne had arrived at her apartment and told her what she’d found out about Coop. How could she make him understand how she’d felt and why there was no way they could have a real marriage?
There was no way she could go through something like that again.
“When I thought you had died,” she said, trying not to choke on the words, “I thought I was going to die, as well. It came as such a shock. I experienced pain like I’d never felt before. It was deeper than when I lost my mom, my dad and Aunt Dolly. And I felt so alone.”
She fought back her tears to continue. “Then I suddenly felt my baby...our baby...move for the first time. It was like he was trying to reassure me that things would be all right. But the thought that I’d lost you was more than I could bear. Even when I told myself that I never had you, that all we’d had was a holiday affair and that I probably would not have seen you again anyway, it didn’t matter. The thought of you dying like the others nearly destroyed me. It was only when I finally came to grips with the fact that I was having a baby...your baby...a baby that would always be a part of you, that I was able to move on with my life.”
Coop stood and walked over to her, extending his hand out to her. She took it and he gently tugged her off the sofa and into his arms. It was only then that she realized she hadn’t been able to hold back all her tears. A few were streaming down her face. How awful it was for him to see her like this, crying over a man who’d meant more to her than she’d meant to him. But when he tightened his arms around her, pulling her deeper into the warmth of his embrace, it didn’t seem to matter.
“Knowing you cared that much means a lot to me, Bristol. Like I told you, you were never far from my thoughts when I was captured. Thoughts of you are what helped me survive.”
“Why?” she asked, wanting to know why he’d thought of her.
“Because during those three days we were together, you made a lasting impression on me.”
Like he’d made on her, she thought. However, he’d gone a step further in making her fall in love with him.
He pulled back and looked at her, forcing her to meet his gaze. “And as you can see, I am very much alive. No matter how much torture they inflicted on me, I refused to let those bastards break me—because of you.”
She lifted a brow. “Because of me?”
“Yes. I convinced myself that I had to survive for you. That once I was rescued I had to get back to you.”
Too bad he hadn’t meant that, she thought.
“By the time I made it to Paris, you had left.”
Bristol went still as she stared at him. “What did you say?” She was convinced she’d heard him wrong.
“After getting rescued I had to comply with military procedures and get both physical and psychiatric evaluations. That took about three months. Then I flew to Paris to see you. Your landlord said you’d moved back to the States and hadn’t left a forwarding address.”
Bristol’s head began spinning. “You went to Paris looking for me?”
“Yes.”
“But why?”
He gently cupped her chin in his hand. “I had to see you again and let you know those three days with you meant everything to me.”
“They did?”
“Yes, and I just didn’t know the depth of what they meant until I saw you again the other night. But it really hit me this morning when I saw you and Laramie in bed, sleeping. Then I knew for certain.”
“What did you know?”
He dropped his hands from her face to wrap them around her waist. “That I had fallen in love with you.”
His words made her head spin even more. “What did you just say?”
He smiled down at her. “I said I fell in love with you, during that time in Paris. I tried to convince myself it was about the sex, and maybe it was at first. But by the time I left your place I felt an attachment to you I’ve never felt to any other woman.” A smile touched his lips. “Who knows? Maybe my body knew I’d left something behind with you that I’ve never left with another woman, my baby.”
“Oh, Coop,” she said, feeling more tears well in her eyes. “I love you, too, but I’m so afraid I might lose you again.”
He pulled her into his arms and tightened his hold on her. “Shh, sweetheart, it’s okay. In life there are no guarantees, we know that. That’s why it’s important to enjoy our time together. If nothing else, being close to death so many times has taught me not to sweat the small stuff and to appreciate life. Living it to the fullest is what I want to do with you and our son.
