‘I’m all right,’ she assured him. ‘Just...give me a moment.’
He stared at her in disbelief as she adjusted to the feel of him, her body expanding naturally to accommodate his. The twinges of discomfort receded and she arched upwards to take him more fully into herself. ‘You can move,’ she whispered. ‘Slowly.’
He slid deeper inside and she gasped again, the sensation acute and overwhelming. He froze, and she let out a shaky laugh. ‘This isn’t quite...’
He touched his forehead to hers, his biceps bulging with the effort of holding himself back. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘I don’t know,’ she confessed. ‘I didn’t want to ruin anything. It seemed so...’ She laughed again, softly. ‘I don’t know.’ Maybe part of her had liked the idea of Marco thinking she was experienced, worldly. Maybe part of her had wanted to match him for sophistication and expertise, even though she knew she never could. In some unvoiced corner of her heart she’d wanted to make their positions more equal.
‘Are you okay?’ he whispered, and she nodded. It hurt more than she’d expected, but within the hurt were flickers of pleasure, and her body arced towards those, seeking them out of instinct. Marco moved again, sliding deeper inside and then out again and Sierra tried to relax. He was so big, and he filled her so completely. It was overwhelming, both emotionally and physically, to be completely conquered by another person. She felt him in every nerve, every cell of her body. There was no part of her that he did not possess, and it was a complex and frightening feeling.
‘Okay?’ he asked again and she laughed, a hiss of sound, as she clutched his shoulders.
‘Stop asking me that.’
‘I don’t want to hurt you.’
‘You’re not.’ Except he was, and in a way she hadn’t expected. The physical pain was nothing compared to the emotional onslaught, the sense that Marco Ferranti was battering every defence she had, leaving her completely bare. Exposed and vulnerable and wanting.
And even as these feelings crashed over her, pleasure came, too. Tiny at first, little whispers that promised something greater, and her body responded instinctively, arching up towards his as she wrapped her legs around his waist and drew him completely into herself. She could feel him everywhere, and it made tears start in her eyes.
Marco was moving faster now and Sierra found his rhythm and matched it, awkwardly at first and then with more grace as the sensations whirling inside her coalesced and drove her body onwards. The pain had receded and pleasure took its place, so she clutched him and threw her head back, letting out a ragged cry as she climaxed, the feeling more intense than anything she had ever experienced. Marco shuddered on top of her, his body sagging against hers even as he bore his weight on his arms.
He kissed her temple, his lips lingering against her skin. ‘That was incredible.’
‘Was it?’ she asked, her voice trembling a little with everything she felt.
‘You have to ask?’ He smiled tenderly and smoothed the hair away from her flushed face.
‘Well, I don’t have much experience of this kind of thing. As you know.’ She let out a shaky laugh and averted her face. She was, quite suddenly and inexplicably, near tears and she didn’t want Marco to see.
‘Sierra...’ He trailed his fingers down her cheek, the gesture so tender it brought a lump to her throat. In a few seconds she’d be bawling. ‘You should have told me.’
‘It didn’t feel like the right moment.’
‘I’m not sure when a better moment would have been,’ he said wryly, and then pulled out of her, rolling away to dispose of the condom. Sierra took the reprieve from his scrutiny to tidy her hair and wipe quickly at her eyes, wrapping the duvet around herself.
Marco glanced back at her, eyes narrowed. Was she so obvious? Could he see the torment and confusion in her eyes, her face? ‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ he asked, and she nodded. ‘You don’t...you don’t regret this?’
‘No,’ she whispered, because that much was true. Mostly.
He stretched out next to her, unabashedly naked, and tucked a few stray tendrils of hair behind her ear as he studied her face. ‘Then why do you look like you’re about to cry?’
‘Because it’s so much.’ The words burst from her and a few rogue tears trickled down her cheeks. She batted at them impatiently. ‘I wasn’t expecting to feel so much. And I don’t mean physically,’ she clarified quickly. ‘I’m not talking about the pleasure.’
‘I hope you felt that, too.’
‘You know I did,’ she said, and she sounded almost cross.
Marco frowned, shaking his head. ‘Then what?’
Did he not get it? But then maybe Marco hadn’t felt the emotional tidal wave that had pulled her under. Maybe she was the only one who felt so exposed, so vulnerable and needy. She felt as if Marco had stripped away everything she’d had to protect herself and left her reeling, wondering how to recover. Wondering how she would ever live without him even as terror clutched her at the thought of living with him. At being this vulnerable again, ever.
‘I need to use the bathroom,’ she muttered and wriggled away from him, the duvet snagging about her body.
Marco reached for her arm. ‘Sierra—’
‘Please, Marco.’ She finally freed herself from the bedcovers and hurried towards the en suite bathroom. ‘Please just let me be.’
* * *
Marco watched Sierra barricade herself in the bathroom, a frown deepening on his face. What the hell had happened? He’d had the most incredible sexual experience of his life, and he’d reduced his lover almost to tears. It didn’t make sense. He knew, despite the initial pain, she’d enjoyed herself. He’d felt her climax reverberate through his own body. And he knew she’d been touched emotionally, too, but then so had he. Sex had never felt so important as it did right then.
But Sierra seemed to think that was a bad thing. She’d been tearful, cross, even angry—and why? Because she didn’t want to feel those things? She didn’t want to have that kind of connection with him?
The answer seemed all too obvious. Swearing under his breath, Marco rose from the bed and reached for his boxers. The intimacy they’d wrapped themselves in moments before was already unspooling, loose threads they might never knit back together, which was just as well. This was a fling, nothing more. No matter what he’d felt moments before.
And yet it still stung that Sierra was withdrawing from him. The possibility that she might regret what had happened filled him with a bitter fury he remembered too well. This time he’d be the one to walk away first. He’d make sure of it.
BY THE TIME Sierra emerged from the bathroom twenty minutes later she’d managed to restore her composure. Cloak herself in numbness, just like she used to during her father’s rages. Strange that she
