need to be heeding those responsibilities. As it is, I’m barely skating the boundaries of good society. Think of how it would damage the girls’ prospects if I married so far beneath me.”
“Beneath you? You’re being absurd, Chase. I know you, of all people, don’t believe that.”
“Everyone else will. And the Sir Winston Harveys of London will make sure no one forgets that you were once ‘just’ a governess.”
“I’m not ‘just’ a governess. I’m not ‘just’ anything.”
He pushed the banknotes toward her. “As of this moment, you’re not a governess at all.”
A tear formed in the corner of her eye. It clung to her eyelashes, wobbling there. She didn’t do him the mercy of dashing it away. She let it fall, and he watched it trail down her face.
Chase wanted to rip his own heart from his chest and hurl it into the fireplace. For all the good the thing did him, he might as well be rid of it.
She ignored the heap of banknotes. “I don’t believe for a moment that you meant anything you just said. I know you better than that. You’re a good man with a loving nature. But even if I can dismiss your words, that doesn’t mean they don’t hurt.”
“Take the money, Alexandra. The telescope, as well. I’ve no need of it.”
“I don’t want your money. As if it’s some even trade for your heart?”
“To be honest, I think you’re coming out better in the bargain.”
She shook her head. “Tomorrow, or the day after, or maybe next week, you’re going to wake up and realize what an idiot you were, and you’re going to want to make things right with me. I’m telling you now, it will be too late. This will be the last time I raise my hopes, Chase. The last time I dare to dream of a future with you, only to watch those dreams dashed.”
He looked her square in the eye and nodded. “Good.”
As it happened, it didn’t take even an hour for Chase to realize he’d been an idiot. There was no excising these girls from his life.
When the time came to set Daisy’s arm, Chase had to pin her down with his body so the doctor could do his work. She screamed with the pain and struggled to get away. He would have gladly broken his arm and both legs if it meant he could suffer the pain instead. It was the most wrenching thing he’d ever done, but he would not have allowed anyone else to do it in his place.
At last, it was over. Daisy fell asleep, exhausted from the struggle. Chase was equally spent. He showed the doctor to the door, peppering the man with so many questions, he turned and looked to Chase as if to say, Don’t you know anything?
No. When it came to this guardian business, he truly did not. But he was going to have to learn.
What came next? Supper, baths, stories? Some other loving ritual absent from his own youth, and therefore completely foreign to him? He didn’t suppose wine was on the list, unfortunately. Not yet, anyway.
He heard the sound of sniffling coming from the dining hall. He bent to peer under the table. “Rosamund?”
She turned away from him, swiping her nose with her sleeve in an effort to hide her tears.
Chase went down on his hands and knees to join her under the table.
Steady, he told himself. Don’t frighten her.
She needed assurance, and he had to provide it—even though he’d never felt less sure of himself in his life.
“Daisy’s fine,” he said. “She’s fine.”
“She was screaming. I heard it.”
“The physician had to set her arm back in place, but it’s done now. All splinted and bound. Now it only needs time to mend. In a few months she’ll be good as new.” He put a hand on her back. “It wasn’t your fault. Do you hear me? It was an accident. You aren’t to blame.”
“You can’t expect me to believe that. Of course it’s my fault. I told her to climb out the window. She wouldn’t have fallen if not for me.”
“Very well, then. Perhaps it is partly your fault. But it’s partly mine, too. I should have made you feel safer to stay.” Chase made himself as comfortable as possible in the cramped space, bending his legs until his knees touched his chest. “I’m going to tell you a story.”
“One of those improving tales with morals? No, thank you.”
“It’s a sad story, actually. No happy ending.”
In clear, simple terms he told her about Anthony’s death. He left out the more scandalous details, naturally. But the gist of the story remained the same.
“I promised to take care of him,” he finished at length. “And I wasn’t there when he needed me.”
She didn’t reply, and he didn’t want her to feel she ought to. She was ten years old, and he was here to console her, not the reverse.
“When you and Daisy came into my care,” he went on, “I didn’t believe that I could be a good guardian. I’d failed my cousin already. What if I failed you, too? That’s why I planned to send you to school at the first opportunity. We’d all be better off that way, I told myself.”
She rearranged her legs within the cramped space. “Are you sure you weren’t right?”
“I’m not right very often, so the chances are against it.” He exhaled, releasing all the air in his lungs. “To be honest, Rosamund, I was terrified. It wasn’t only that I’d failed Anthony. I missed him, terribly. I was afraid of losing someone else. I didn’t want to care about you.”
She sniffed. “I didn’t want to care about you, either.”
“Much as I tried to avoid it, however, it seems I’ve come to love you and Daisy both. Very much. When you were missing, I was frantic. All I could think about was how empty the house would be with you gone. How empty my life would be.”
“I was thinking about how empty our stomachs were, and that I should have brought more sandwiches.” Her chin met her knee. “Or that we should never have left at all.”
He smiled a bit. “We are quite the pair. What are we going to do with ourselves?”
She shrugged.
“Here’s what I think. There’s no going back to change the past. If we allow our mistakes to consume us, we’re stuck in one place—and it’s not a good place to be. Believe me, I spent years there. I know. The only choice is to move forward. Try to do better. I may not be a perfect guardian. You may not be the perfect wards. But if we love each other and keep trying our best, perhaps we’ll manage.” He added, “Mind you, we’ll all need to make a greater attempt at acceptable behavior—in public, at any rate. But I’ll try if you
