watched it until it receded into a tiny speck and finally disappeared. The birds settled back into the trees, ruffling their feathers. Pookie sighed. Meg lay down and put her nose on her paws. Silence rolled down from the hillsides.
She was gone.
Lotty stood at the window of her apartment, looking out over the lake. It was a pretty scene, with sailing boats making the most of the autumn sunshine, and trees along the lakeside turning red and gold, but her heart still ached for the silver loch and the austere hills of Mhoraigh.
And for the man who belonged there.
Caro came to stand beside her. She touched Lotty’s arm gently. ‘Have you told your grandmother yet?’
‘Not yet, no.’ Lotty mustered a smile. ‘She’s not going to be happy.’
‘It’s more important that you’re happy,’ said Caro. ‘Are you sure this is what you want?’
‘Yes, I’m sure.’ It was the only thing Lotty had been sure of since seeing the double line on the strip. ‘I’m having this baby.’
‘What about Corran?’
It had been such a relief when Philippe had brought Caro back to Montluce. Lotty was fiercely glad for their happiness together, even if it did make her own misery more apparent. Caro’s presence changed the whole atmosphere in the palace. There was laughter in the long corridors and even the Dowager Blanche was seen to smile occasionally.
Reluctant to intrude on Caro’s joy, Lotty kept her grandmother company, and took up her duties once more. Eventually she hoped to be able to pass them on to Caro, but for now Caro was busy planning a wedding at the beginning of December and at least visiting factories and schools and hospitals made Lotty fix on a smile and hold her head up.
So she smiled and shook hands, moving through the days on automatic pilot, but inside she felt as if she was blundering through a smothering fog of despair. She missed Corran desperately. At night she lay awake, aching for him, remembering him. If she thought about him hard enough, would he feel her? Would he pause and look up from whatever he was doing, sensing that she was dreaming of him?
Everyone in Montluce was treating her very gently, as if she had been through some traumatic experience. Nobody asked her what she had been doing, or why she had disappeared.
Only Caro wanted to know about her time at Loch Mhoraigh. Only Caro knew about Corran, and it was to Caro that Lotty went when the consequences of that reckless afternoon in the cottage bathroom, with the sun streaming through the window and the sawdust on the floor, finally caught up with her.
Blurry with unhappiness, it had taken her longer than it should have done to notice the signs of change in her body, and now she put a wondering hand on her stomach. It was an extraordinarily powerful feeling to know that a child was growing inside her.
Except that it wasn’t extraordinary at all, really. Ordinary women around the world were having babies, just like her, and perhaps some of them were feeling the same jumbled mix of joy and terror and breathless awe at the miracle of it.
Caro was watching her in concern. ‘Corran’s going to be a father, Lotty. You have to tell him.’
‘I know, and I will tell him, of course I will, but I can’t yet, Caro.’
‘Why not?’
Lotty hugged her arms together as she turned from the window. ‘His ex-wife tricked him into marriage by pretending that she was pregnant. I’m not going to do the same thing.’
‘You’re not pretending,’ said Caro, exasperated. ‘You are pregnant!’
‘But how will Corran know that?’ asked Lotty. ‘I spent two and a half months pretending to be someone else. Why should he believe me now?’
‘If he loves you, he’ll believe you.’
‘He never said he loved me, Caro.’ Lotty sank into a chair and pushed her hair back from her face. Her bob had nearly grown back in, and it was smooth and dark, just as it had always been. She looked almost like her old self.
She just felt different.
‘Corran was very clear,’ she told Caro. ‘He’s not ready for children yet. A disaster was the word he used. He’s got too much to do getting the estate back on its feet. I’m not going to push him into a relationship he doesn’t want. If I tell him about the baby now, of course he’ll take responsibility. He’ll say we should get married, just like he did to Ella, and saddle himself with the wrong kind of wife all over again.’
‘You love him,’ said Caro. ‘Doesn’t that make you the right kind of wife?’
‘Not in Corran’s book. He’s determined to marry someone sensible and practical next time round, and I understand that. I think that’s what he needs too.’
‘You’re sensible,’ Caro insisted. ‘You’re practical too. Didn’t you tell me you did all that cleaning and painting? How much more practical does he want?’
‘He wants someone who’ll belong,’ said Lotty. ‘Someone who’s used to the isolation. Who can help with lambing if necessary, and who knows about farming and growing vegetables. Not someone like me, who didn’t even know how to peel a potato.’
‘You learnt, didn’t you? Just like I had to learn how to behave in a palace.’
In spite of herself, a smile trembled on Lotty’s lips. ‘I saw you and Philippe laughing at the Ambassador’s reception the other night. I’m sure that’s not how you’re supposed to behave!’
‘That was Philippe’s fault!’ Caro grinned then sobered. ‘The point is that I didn’t belong here either, but I’m learning. It could be the same for you at Loch Mhoraigh. And don’t you think Corran deserves to know he’s going to be a father?’
‘Of course he does, but not yet, Caro.’ The arguments had been going round and round in Lotty’s head until she was dizzy. ‘I don’t want Corran to feel as if he’s being forced into anything. I don’t want to be with him if that’s how he feels.’
She saw that Caro was still looking dubious. ‘When I’ve had the baby and am settled, I’ll tell him then, I promise. I’ve got to tell Grandmère first, and the Crown Prince. They’re going to be so disappointed. Perfect princesses aren’t supposed to get pregnant!’ she said with a twisted smile.
‘Oh, Lotty!’ Caro put her hand over Lotty’s. ‘What are you going to do?’
‘I’m going to have this baby,’ said Lotty. ‘I know my grandmother won’t like me being a single mother, and maybe the people won’t like it either, but I’ve spent my whole life doing what everybody else expects of me.’
Her heart clenched at the thought of Corran, but she had meant what she told Caro. She would rather be by herself than push Corran into another disastrous marriage. Her time at Loch Mhoraigh had taught her that she was capable of doing whatever she set her mind to. She could be as strong as Raoul the Wolf when she needed to be. Wasn’t that what she had wanted to learn when she ran away from Montluce?
‘This is something I’m doing for myself, and for my baby,’
