best man,” Annaleigh says. “I’ve passed on your email address, so you should hear from him soon. All the events have been divided up. You’ve got the Jack and Jill, and the presentation for the rehearsal dinner. I’ve got...”
Oh, boy. I’ve already tuned out the droning list of tasks that lie ahead of me.
I look longingly at my beer, which sits untouched, condensation gathering on the glass, next to three flutes of prosecco. I feel like being the first to reach for the booze will be seen as a sign of weakness, like flinching in a fight. But man, I could use a drink right now.
I picture my sister’s sweet face, with her silvery-blue eyes so similar to mine—sans stripper makeup, of course—and tell myself to get my shit together. Do it for Presley! I’m an adult and I deal with snotty people all the time at work. I’m a flight attendant, after all. I can totally manage this.
When Annaleigh pauses to take a breath, I put on my brightest smile. It doesn’t crack any of the icy facades in front of me. “How do you all know Presley?”
“We work together,” Merrily replies.
“Oh, right.” I nod. Finally, something I know. “At the Wentworth Department Store.”
“Head office,” Sherilee adds. “I’m in the communications team, Annaleigh works with Presley in training and Pauline is in recruitment.”
Pauline. I make a mental note to remember Merrily’s real name this time.
“Sounds fun,” I say benignly. There’s a beat of silence and I shift in my seat.
“Presley told us that you go by your middle name, right?” Annaleigh asks, as though she’s trying to keep the conversation from stalling completely. “We’re having T-shirts printed for the hen’s night. Would you prefer Melanie or Drew?”
“Drew.”
Melanie might be the name on my birth certificate and passport, but I’ve always been Drew to my family and friends. I got my middle name from my Uncle Andrew. It’s a weird quirk of our family. Presley is the same; her real first name is Anne, but no one calls her that.
“Why don’t you use your real name?” Pauline asks.
I shrug. “It’s kind of...basic.”
She frowns. “My sister’s name is Melanie.”
An awkward silence descends over the group, burrowing under my skin. But the moment Sherilee opens her mouth and begins to discuss the best type of napkin origami for rehearsal dinner table settings, I question my stance on silence.
An hour later, things have not improved. I’m learning that weddings are serious business, with Google spreadsheets and accountabilities and brainstorming sessions and rehearsals and dress rehearsals. I wouldn’t be shocked if one of them asked me to set a SMART goal for how I want the wedding to go.
And it’s not even my damn wedding!
Better live vicariously while you can, Little Miss Not-Marriage-Material.
I shake off my snarky inner voice and concentrate on my second beer. Not only did I cave and reach for my drink before any of them even glanced at their prosecco, but I’m currently entering the stage of the evening where my verbal filter clocks out.
And unfiltered Drew is not for the faint of heart.
“So, games for the hen’s night. We’re thinking something fun, like a quiz on how well we know Presley.” Pauline taps a Montblanc pen against her chin. “Maybe some wedding-related trivia.”
“And pass the parcel.” Annaleigh claps her hands together. “We could include fun wedding things, like a garter and a pen for signing the guest book.”
“Or condoms.” The comment slips out before I can check in with my brain. See? Unfiltered. “You know, for the...wedding night.”
Sherilee laughs awkwardly and moves her pen as if she’s writing it down, but I can see that no ink is being wasted on my suggestion.
“I saw this cute take on pin the tail on the donkey,” Pauline says. “But you had to pin the kiss marks on a picture of Ryan Gosling. Fun, right?”
This suggestion is met with a round of appreciative oohs. I went to a hen party once where we had to pin something on a poster of a hot, half-naked guy...and it wasn’t a kiss. But I get the impression that games involving photorealistic male appendages also wouldn’t make the cut for Presley’s capital P Perfect hen’s night.
Stop snarking. Now.
“What about a goodbye singleton treasure hunt?” I suggest. “A friend of mine did that last year and it was really fun.”
“Sounds interesting.” Annaleigh drums her nails against the tabletop. “How does it work?”
“It’s kind of like The Amazing Race but for all the things you would do when you were single. You get a point for each item—get a guy’s phone number, dance on a table, do a shot with a dirty name.”
“Actually, that sounds super fun.” Annaleigh looks at me, surprised.
Phew. Maybe I won’t disappoint Presley after all.
“We could have a scaling point system. The more difficult the item, the higher the point value. And we could have tie-breaker activities in case two people have the same amount of points.” Sherilee’s eyes widen. “I’ll make a spreadsheet.”
I decide it’s a good idea to end on a high note. I’ve provided one useful suggestion—which did get written down, thank you very much—so that means I can now make a graceful-ish exit. Well, as graceful as is possible after a couple of beers while wearing platforms.
“Ladies, as much as I am thoroughly enjoying myself right now, I’ve got an early start tomorrow,” I announce. “Can we wrap this up?”
“Sure.” Annaleigh looks as relieved as I feel. “Sherilee is our resident note taker, so she’ll send the minutes out. If you could review them and respond within twenty-four hours, that would be great.”
I nod, swallowing my growing desire to murder my sister. “Absolutely. I will definitely read every single word. Even the footnotes.”
At this, Sherilee perks up. “Usually nobody reads my footnotes.”
Sarcasm is a foreign language, I see. Lord help me. I down the remainder of my beer and rest the empty pint glass on the bar with a thunk. “Happy to be the first.”
“And the best man will email you tomorrow,” Annaleigh reminds me. “If you don’t hear from him, let me know.”
I climb down from my bar stool and bid them a good night. The bar’s clientele mirrors my sister’s friends—suits and pencil skirts, perfectly highlighted hair. Pearls, diamonds, Louboutins. Presley would fit right in. I decide to text her as I walk.
DREW: I love you more than anyone else on earth.
PRES:
