A shivery tide of anticipation and apprehension washed through Lotty. ‘Oh,’ she said again.
Afterwards, Lotty couldn’t really remember walking back to the house. Wrapped in a strange dreamlike state, she had no idea if they had talked or not. All she remembered was the feel of Corran’s strong fingers laced through her own, how warm and firm they had been.
They must have done something with the dogs when they got back, but she didn’t remember that either. There was just Corran letting go of her hand at the door to his room.
‘Are you sure, Lotty?’ he asked. ‘We can take it slow if you want.’
Lotty shook her head. ‘No,’ she said, stepping up to him so that she could slip her arms around his waist and sucking in a breath at the taut solid strength of his body. ‘I don’t want to go slow,’ she said. ‘I’m sure.’
Lotty lay on her side so that she could watch Corran, who was splayed on his front over the bed. She didn’t know how he could sleep. She was exhausted, but too overwhelmed to relax herself. She had known what happened in theory, of course, but she hadn’t known it would be like that.
‘Let go’, Corran had said, and she had. It had been like flying, terrifying and exhilarating. Now every cell in her body was fizzing with satisfaction, but at the same time she felt shaky and uncertain. All her boundaries had shifted, and she couldn’t go back to being the person she had been before.
But that was what she had wanted, wasn’t it? She had wanted to know what everyone else seemed to have, and now she did. Lotty’s lips curved at the memory. It had been a revelation—Corran’s mouth, Corran’s hands, his lean hard body, and how they could make her feel. Lotty burned at the memory.
She could look at him properly now that he was sleeping, and her eyes drifted wonderingly over the curve of his shoulder, the line of his back. His body was solid and male, with warm sleek skin. Who could have imagined that he would be a lover like that, that all that passion could be pent up behind the cool competence?
As if sensing her gaze, Corran stirred and rolled over, opening one eye as he encountered Lotty’s warmth, and then the other. Lotty could see him remembering just what she was doing there.
‘Good morning,’ she said nervously. She hadn’t been sure if she should slip back to her own room once he had fallen asleep. She had spent her whole life absorbing the correct protocol for different situations, but no one had ever told her the etiquette for sleeping with a man for the first time.
‘Good morning,’ said Corran. He shifted into a more comfortable position so that he could study her face. ‘Are you OK?’ he asked.
‘I think so,’ said Lotty. Given what they had done the night before, it was absurd to feel shy now, but her eyes slid away from his all the same. She looked at his shoulder instead. ‘Corran, is it always like that?’
He reached out and tilted her chin up so that she had to look at him again. ‘It’s never going to be your first time again, Lotty, but it’s only going to get better, I promise you that.’
What did that mean? Lotty regarded him doubtfully. ‘Was I b-bad?’ she asked, wincing inwardly at that betraying stutter.
Corran stretched, and Lotty caught her breath at the flex of his muscles and the sheer, unfamiliar maleness of him. ‘Very,’ he said.
Well, she shouldn’t have asked the question if she didn’t want to know the answer, Lotty reminded herself. She bit her lip. ‘I did tell you that I wasn’t experienced.’
‘Lotty,’ he said, exasperated, ‘you were very bad in a very good way!’ Sighing, he reached out and pulled her into the hard curve of his body. ‘How is it someone so beautiful has so little belief in herself?’
What was there to believe in? Lotty wondered. She was a princess, and that was all anybody ever saw. She had never had a chance to be anything else, never had to prove herself. People treated her as special because of who she was, not because of what she was, Lotty had always known that.
Until now. Corran didn’t know she was a princess. If he had known, would he have made love to her last night? Lotty didn’t think so. They had been as intimate as two people could get, but he still didn’t know the most important thing about her. Lotty didn’t like the feeling that she was keeping a secret from him, especially now, but if she told him, he might change, and she couldn’t bear that.
No, she wouldn’t tell him yet.
Putting the flat of her hands on Corran’s chest to hold him away slightly, she said, ‘This won’t change things between us, will it?’
‘I would imagine it would, yes,’ he said dryly.
‘I don’t want it to.’
‘It’s a bit late for that, Lotty.’ Corran had been smoothing his hand possessively over the curves of her body but paused at that and a frown touched his eyes. ‘I thought this was what you wanted.’
‘It was,’ she said. ‘It’s just that I want everything else to stay the same.’
He took his hand off her. ‘Are you trying to say that you don’t want to do this again?’
‘No!’ said Lotty, horrified. ‘No, I do want that. Definitely.’ Corran’s expression was as hard to read as ever, and abruptly Lotty lost her nerve. ‘If you didn’t mind, of course.’
A smile quivered at the corner of his mouth as he pretended to consider the matter. ‘I think I could bear it,’ he said and put his hand back.
‘You’re laughing at me.’ Lotty would have liked to have had the strength to pull away, but it felt too good with his big hand gentling down her spine and over the flare of her hip, and his fingers tightened on her.
‘I am,’ he agreed, the smile deepening. ‘Why on earth would I mind?’
‘I’m not your type,’ said Lotty, but she eased closer anyway until her bare skin was pressed against his.
‘Aren’t you?’ His palm was so warm, so sure against her that Lotty caught her breath.
‘You said yourself that I’m not the kind of woman you’re looking for,’ she managed.
That was true. Corran was oddly jolted by the reminder. He shouldn’t have needed reminding. His mother had been lesson enough and, after his ill-fated marriage to Ella, he had no intention of falling for another woman who wouldn’t fit in with life here in Mhoraigh.
Corran was clear in his own mind. He wanted a practical, sensible woman who wanted to share his plans and work with him to restore the estate to its former glory. A woman who would belong at Mhoraigh and be part of his life for ever.
Lotty wasn’t that woman. No matter how hard she worked, there was an elegance to her that made her look like an exotic orchid planted out in a kitchen garden.
And she wasn’t going to stay. She had been clear about that.
But none of that had mattered last night when she had asked him to kiss her. All the reasons why it would be sensible to keep a distance had evaporated at one look from those beautiful grey eyes. He could have said
