with, and she’s got to settle in to a new school as well.’
‘Which would be a huge change for anyone,’ he agreed, ‘but it’s harder still when you’re thirteen years old. And I’m clueless, Erin. I don’t know how to deal with this. I’m way out of my depth. I asked Steph what to do, and...’ He stopped abruptly.
Clearly his ex hadn’t been able to help much. Or maybe she hadn’t been willing to offer advice. Erin knew that one first-hand, too. Erin’s mother had washed her hands of her, the day she’d kicked Erin out. And even now, all these years later, their relationship was difficult.
But Erin liked the fact that Nate was clearly trying hard to be fair and shoulder his share of the blame for things going wrong, rather than refusing to accept any responsibility and claiming that it was all his ex’s fault. ‘It sounds to me as if you need a friend—someone’s who’s been there and understands thirteen-year-old girls,’ she said carefully.
He blinked. ‘You’re telling me you have a thirteen-year-old? But you don’t look old enough.’
‘I’m not.’ Though she flinched inwardly. If things had been a little different, she might have had a thirteen-year-old daughter herself right now. But things were as they were. And she still felt a mixture of regret and relief and guilt when she thought about the miscarriage. Regret for a little life that hadn’t really had a chance to start, for the baby she’d never got to know; relief, because when she looked back she knew she hadn’t been mature enough to be a mum at the age of sixteen; and guilt, because she had friends who’d be fantastic parents and were having trouble conceiving, whereas she’d fallen pregnant the very first time she’d had sex. The miscarriage had been her wake-up call, and she’d turned her life round. Studied hard. Passed all her exams, the second time round. Become a doctor. Tried to make a difference and to make up for her mistakes. Not that she would ever be able to make up for the biggest one.
She pushed the thoughts away. Not now. ‘I was a thirteen-year-old girl once. Although I was a couple of years older than your Caitlin when my parents split up, my mum got involved with someone I loathed and it got a bit messy.’ That was the understatement of the year. ‘So I ended up living with my dad.’ Because her mum hadn’t believed her about Creepy Leonard, Erin had gone even further off the rails—and then she’d made the terrible mistake that had ruined her brother’s life.
Maybe, just maybe, this could be her chance for payback. To help Nate’s daughter and stop Caitlin making the same mistakes that Erin herself had made.
‘So you’ve actually been in Caitlin’s shoes?’ Nate asked, looking surprised.
‘From what you’ve just told me, pretty much,’ Erin said.
He sucked in a breath. ‘I know this is a big ask—because you don’t know me, either—but, as you clearly have a much better idea than I do about what she’s going through, would you be able to help me, so I don’t make things even worse than they are for her right now?’
‘I’m not perfect,’ she warned, ‘but yes, I’m happy to try. Maybe we could meet up at the weekend and do something together, so Caitlin can start getting to know me and I can try and get her talking a bit.’
‘Thank you.’ He looked at her. ‘And what can I do for you in return?’
She flapped a dismissive hand. ‘You don’t need to do anything.’
‘If you help me, then I need to help you. It’s only fair.’
She couldn’t resist teasing him. ‘So if I asked you to do a stint in the sensory garden with a bit of weeding or what have you, you’d do it?’
‘If that’s what you want, sure.’ He paused. ‘Why is the garden so important to you?’
It sounded as if he actually wanted to know, rather than criticising her. And he’d shared something with her; maybe he’d feel less awkward about that if she shared something in return. Not the whole story, but enough of the bare bones to stop him asking more questions. ‘Because I know someone who had a really bad car accident and ended up in a wheelchair. He was helped by a sensory garden,’ she said. ‘It was the thing that stopped him going off the edge.’
‘Fair enough,’ he said. ‘Don’t take this the wrong way but, if you’re going to help Caitlin and me, I need to ask you something. Is there a husband or a boyfriend who might have a problem with you doing that?’
‘No.’
‘OK. I just...’ He blew out a breath. ‘Well, I’ve messed up enough of my own relationships. I don’t want to mess up anyone else’s as well.’
She smiled. ‘Not a problem. There’s nothing to mess up.’
‘Good.’ He grimaced. ‘And that sounded bad. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m not coming on to you, Erin. I split up with my last girlfriend nearly a month ago, a few days after Caitlin arrived, and frankly I don’t have room in my life for a relationship. All my time’s taken up learning to be a dad, and right now I’m not making a very good job of it.’
‘I know you’re not coming on to me,’ she said. Besides, even if he was, it wouldn’t work out. Love didn’t last. She’d seen it first-hand—her own parents’ marriage and subsequent relationships splintering, her brother’s girlfriend dumping him when he needed her most, and then none of her own relationships since her teens had lasted for more than a few months. She’d given up on love. ‘I’m focused on my career and I’m not looking for a relationship, either. But I can always use a friend, and it sounds as if you and Caitlin could, too.’
‘Yes. We could.’ He looked at her. ‘I ought to warn you in advance that most of her communications with me right now involve slammed doors or rolled eyes.’
‘You need a bit of time to get used to each other and to get to know each other better,’ Erin said. ‘As you say, seeing someone at weekends and holidays isn’t the same as living with them all the time. She needs to find out where her new boundaries are. Her whole life’s changed and she probably thinks it’s her fault she’s been sent to live with you. Especially if she was close to her mum and now they’re not getting on so well. What’s the problem with her mum’s new man?’
‘He seems a bit of a jerk,’ Nate said. ‘Which isn’t me saying that I’m jealous and I want Steph back—we stopped loving each other years ago, and the best I can hope for is that we can be civil to each other for Caitlin’s sake. But he doesn’t seem to be making a lot of effort with Caitlin.’
‘If you get involved with someone who has a child, you know they come as a package and you have to try to get on with your new partner’s child if you want it to work,’ Erin said. ‘If Steph’s new man doesn’t bother doing that, that makes it tricky for you. You can’t take sides, because whichever one you pick you’ll be in the wrong. If you take Steph’s side, Caitlin will resent you for it; and if you take Caitlin’s side, Steph will resent you for it. So your best bet would be to tell them both that you’re staying neutral, that the bone of contention about Steph’s new man is strictly between them, and absolutely refuse to discuss it with either of them.’
He leaned back and gave her a look of pure admiration. ‘How come you’re so wise? Are you twice as old as you look?’
‘And have a portrait of an ageing person in the attic, like Dorian Grey?’ she asked with a grin. ‘No. I’m twenty-nine.’ But if she’d had a
