into …’ Sara felt her eyes grow wide. She seemed to have missed part of the conversation somewhere along the line because it had almost sounded as if he was saying … as if he was asking … And to her utter shock he slid off the settee onto one knee in front of her, taking both her hands in his as he looked up into her face.
‘Sara, I’ve had to live with the knowledge that I made an utter mess of everything when we were just starting our relationship … when I was falling in love with you. I’ll never be able to forgive myself that I’ve completely wasted the years between when we could have been married, because it was all my own fault. Can you ever forgive me for being so stupid?’
Sara wasn’t certain whether she was laughing or crying … probably both, with her emotions in such turmoil.
‘Oh, Dan, if it means the difference between not having you in my life and being married to you and making a family with you … of course I can forgive you.’
She quickly realised that pulling her into his arms really wasn’t a possibility with such a large bump getting in the way, but she’d loved him for so long that missing out on any more of his kisses wasn’t an option.
‘I want to hold you,’ he murmured when they came up for air a while later, then smiled at her with that same boyish grin that had always set her pulse somersaulting. ‘This settee definitely isn’t big enough for the four of us.’
He helped her to her feet, the process taking far longer than it should have, in spite of the fact she no longer sported a cast, because neither of them could resist another kiss.
She was a little uncertain that this was the right time for them—after all, it hadn’t been very long ago that she’d believed he was going to hunt for someone else to be a mother for his children. But she was wrapped in his arms and she knew that if she led him through to her bedroom she could trust him to be gentle with her because he loved her.
Then, almost at the foot of her bed, he hesitated, as though having serious second thoughts.
‘Um, Sara … would you think me very strange if I said I’d rather we didn’t make love yet?’
Disappointment had her heart plummeting to her feet. She’d honestly believed that he was just as aroused as she was, but, then, he was a handsome, fit man while she … she was a vast bulky blimp who would soon need a marquee to cover her enormous belly full of babies—definitely not anyone’s idea of an ideal sex partner.
‘It’s not that I don’t want to,’ he said hurriedly, and squeezed her hand, apparently only realising that there must be something wrong when she hadn’t managed to find the words to tell him she didn’t mind the delay. ‘You only have to look south to know that’s not true.’
Her eyes followed his directions and she couldn’t help blushing when she saw the evidence that he definitely found her desirable, despite her advanced pregnancy.
So why was she feeling a strange sense of relief that he wanted to take the decision out of her hands, that he wanted to wait for another time to become intimate with her? But she still had questions.
‘So why don’t you want to go to bed with me?’ she asked, needing to hear him spell out his reasons so that she knew what she was going to have to deal with. If his time married to Zara had given him unreasonable expectations about how slim and elegant his wife was going to be …
‘It just doesn’t feel right to be together yet,’ he explained quietly, and gave a self-deprecating shrug. ‘I know it’s not really logical and there isn’t long to wait before I can apply for the decree absolute and I’ve been wanting to make love to you for so long that even my hair aches with it, but …’
Suddenly she realised exactly what he was saying and that she felt the same way, too.
‘You mean, you don’t want to make love with me until you’re completely free of Zara, so that there’s a … a separation between those two parts of your life and a real new start,’ she suggested, and felt like the brightest pupil in the class when he smiled at her.
‘Exactly,’ he said with patent relief. ‘Do you mind?’
‘How can I when I’ve just realised that I feel the same way?’ she admitted. ‘But I would feel more than disappointed if you were also putting an embargo on kisses and cuddles.’
‘There’s no embargo on those,’ he reassured her as he finally guided her across to the bed and laid her down on it, quickly joining her there. ‘You can have as many kisses and cuddles as you want.’
In spite of the fact that the hospital was very busy, due to a combination of increasing numbers of patients with seasonal ailments and the resulting staff shortages, the next weeks simply flew by.
Sara had shared a wry joke with Dan that almost as soon as she’d be signed off as fit to return to full-time work she would be eligible to start her maternity leave.
‘And not a minute too soon,’ Dan growled, when he saw how exhausted she was at the end of a full shift.
In a move that had become a daily ritual since she’d accepted his proposal, he pushed her gently in the direction of the bathroom and flipped the taps on full before he turned to help her out of her clothes. ‘You’ve got to make allowances for the fact that you’re carrying twins,’ he scolded gently, his eyes already scanning her from head to foot as he searched for any external signs of problems such as pre-eclampsia.
‘Nothing untoward?’ she prompted when he’d finished checking, but she could already tell from his face that he’d found nothing new to worry about.
‘Grab hold of me,’ he directed as he offered her a hand to steady her while she climbed into the bath, but she opted to throw her arms around him and share a heartfelt kiss with him first.
Next in the ritual was a leisurely soak while he made preparations for their evening meal, then an equally leisurely foot massage that, more often than not, resulted in Sara falling asleep.
It was such a relaxing routine and so devoid of anything stressful that at times she wondered if she was the only one who was aware of the gradually building level of tension. It was worse when they slept together, curled up on the bed on a day off duty when he managed to persuade her to take a nap, or latterly even in the bed when cramp and backache made her nights misery and it was easier to have her own personal physician close at hand to administer the relevant massage techniques.
Finally came the day that he arrived with an even bigger bunch of freesias and a mysterious parcel that he presented to her with a smile from ear to ear.
‘WHAT’S this?’ Sara asked as she took in the fact that the parcel looked rather hastily wrapped … most unlike the meticulous way he’d wrapped the present they’d given to her parents when they’d visited them to announce their intended marriage. ‘It’s a bit early for a Christmas present. That’s nearly a month away.’ Although it didn’t look very much like it because the paper wasn’t in the least bit Christmassy.
‘No, it’s not for Christmas, but I’m hoping that what’s in it will make this the best Christmas ever,’ he said, managing to look
