this?
It felt incredibly wrong to be wishing a relationship wouldn’t last. Even more wrong to bask in the joy of the knowledge that time and distance would ultimately part them. Right at that moment, with his lips brushing hers and sweet sensation teasing her, she didn’t care. For once in her life she wanted to think of herself.
That resurrected her wiser self. Even in her head the voice she heard was hard, scolding. Your life is not as simple, your problems not as easily solved, as other women’s. You cannot be flip.
Just when she knew he would have deepened the kiss, she pulled away. Sadness bumped into anger and created an emotion so strong, so foreign she couldn’t even name it.
But she did know she was mad at her wiser self.
You are such a sap. Such a scaredy-cat sap. Surely you can kiss a man, be attracted to a man, enjoy a man without thinking forever?
The answer came back quick, sharp. No. You can’t.
She made the mistake of catching his gaze as she stepped back. The confusion in his dark orbs made her swallow hard. But she comforted herself with the knowledge that it was better for both of them if she didn’t explain.
She picked up the tray. “Let’s get this cocoa to Finley before it’s cold.”
TUESDAY MORNING Shannon walked through the employee entrance of Raleigh’s Department Store a nervous wreck. After the kiss debacle, Rory had gone quiet. He’d enjoyed his cocoa and allowed Finley to drink hers, but he hadn’t stayed after. He’d just gone.
Absolutely positive she’d blown her opportunity to spend time with Finley—and that she didn’t need to have any more internal debates about how to handle their attraction because she’d pretty much killed any feelings he might have been having for her—she was more than annoyed with her subconscious. Especially when she’d fallen asleep and had a wonderful dream about them. The three of them. Not just her and Rory married, but her and Rory raising Finley.
She walked through the dark, silent first floor of Raleigh’s. The light coming in from the big front windows reflected off the shiny oversize Christmas ornaments hanging from the ceiling and lit her way to the elevator. Inside, she pressed the button for the third floor and drew in a long, cleansing breath.
Watching herself interact with a child, even in a dream, had intensified her yearning for her own little boy or girl. She’d awakened with a tight chest and a longing so sweet in her tummy that she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she needed to adopt a child. Or maybe two children. Or maybe a whole gaggle of kids. In her gut, she knew she was made to be a mom. Since Mother Nature had stolen her normal child-getting avenue away from her, she would simply go an alternative route.
That solid, irrevocable decision was the good effect of the dream. If she wanted to be a mom, she could be.
But…
Now that she was so sure she would become a mom, shouldn’t she want to spend as much time as she could with children? Especially one-on-one time like the kind she got with Finley? And shouldn’t she also want to spend time with parents, the way she had in South Carolina? Learning the ins and outs of the things they did automatically. Rory might have stumbled a bit dealing with Finley the Diva, but he did so many things automatically, instinctively. Like get her coat. Slide her little arms into sweaters. Make sure she had ketchup.
She’d been watching other people with kids her entire adult life, preparing to become a mom. Now that she had up-close-and-personal time with a daddy and daughter, wasn’t she stupid to throw it away?
She licked her lower lip and remembered every second of both kisses Rory had given her. She remembered the flash of heat that accompanied the sweet, romantic caresses. She remembered the yearning to step into his embrace, the longing to wrap her arms around him, and knew it would be risky to her heart to spend any more time with him.
But just as quickly, she reminded herself that she wasn’t weak. In the past year, she’d lost a part of herself, then lost her husband because she wasn’t whole anymore. She’d come home. Taken over her family’s store. Gotten over her pain.
Surely, she could direct a relationship between herself and Rory away from romantic to a place where they could be friends.
Of course she could. She was strong. Her problems had made her strong. Now that she had sorted all this out in her head and had a solid course of action, she was even stronger. More determined. With her mind set, she could spend a lifetime in his company and not waver.
She walked into her dark, quiet office. Turned on the light. She could do this. She would do this.
Twenty minutes later, Rory and Finley strolled in. Finley raced over to her desk and gave her a hug. “I had fun last night.”
Closing her eyes, she squeezed the little girl affectionately. Without Finley she might have taken years to make her decision to adopt. For as much as Rory thought he owed her with Finley, she knew she owed Finley more.
“I had fun last night, too.”
Shannon rose and helped Finley out of her jacket. “Did you bring your laptop?”
Finley nodded.
“I have a surprise.” She lifted a new video game off her desk. “I bought you a game.”
Finley’s face lit up. “What is it?”
She glanced at the CD. “I’m not sure. Something with frogs and dragons. Wendy said her grandkids love it.”
Finley eagerly took the game Shannon handed her.
Shannon laughed and faced Rory. “So what do you want to do today?”
Obviously avoiding her gaze, he shrugged out of his topcoat. “Chat with the people in advertising and public relations.”
She pressed her intercom button. “Wendy, we’re ready for you to help Finley install her new game. Mr. Wallace and I will be with advertising.”
Wendy said, “Great,” and within seconds was in the doorway to Shannon’s office.
Shannon walked around the desk and headed for the door. “She’s all yours.” She pointed at Rory. “You come with me.”
Rory swung Finley up and gave her a smacking kiss goodbye. “We’ll be back in time for lunch.”
Finley said, “Okay,” then slithered down.
As Rory and Shannon walked out, Finley eagerly raced to Shannon’s chair, where Wendy sat booting up her laptop.
In the hall, Rory glanced over at Shannon. The night before, she’d acted very oddly with him, refusing to let him compliment her, getting nervously quiet after he’d kissed her. He didn’t need to be hit on the head with a rock. She didn’t want him kissing her.
So that morning in the shower, he’d given himself a stern lecture. Kissing her had been wrong. Her reaction to the mistletoe should have clued him in,
