life partners. Her husband had dumped her. She hadn’t really been held by a man in an entire year. She’d gone through the worst situation life had ever handed her and she’d gone through it alone.
She was crying because she was tired. Alone. Afraid to hope. And when she looked at him, she hoped.
Rory drew a sharp breath, her pain was a living, breathing thing in the room, tormenting them both. He wanted to tell her he wasn’t going anywhere. That he didn’t care about having kids. That he liked her enough to explore what was happening between them, then Finley ran into the room.
“Where is everybody?”
Shannon spun away from the door so Finley couldn’t see her crying and Rory’s heart broke for her again. He longed to take her into his arms, to let her cry, but he respected her privacy. If he did something like that, Finley would see and ask questions. But they could—would—talk about this in the morning.
He walked over and swept Finley up off the floor. “Hey, kiddo. Tree’s up. It’s time for us to go home.”
“But I didn’t get cocoa.”
“We’ll stop somewhere along the way.”
“Okay.”
But carrying his daughter to the front hall, strange feelings enveloped him. He remembered the day she was born, remembered walking the floor with her after her two-o’clock feedings. The memories tripped something in his psyche…a love so profound and so deep that it could have only come from the inner sanctum of his soul. Shannon would never know this. But, if he stayed with her, pursued what was happening between them, he would never know it again.
He’d never have a son. His flesh and blood. A little miniature of himself, but with complementing gifts from his mother’s gene pool. He’d never teach his little boy how to play baseball. Never proudly introduce him around on the first tee of the country club golf course.
Selfish, he knew, but when he thought of life without those things, something tore a hole in his lungs. He felt like he couldn’t breathe.
It was a lot to be confronted with out of the blue. This time last week, he didn’t believe he’d ever consider dating again, let alone having more kids. Now, he felt like he was in the raging pit of hell because he finally liked someone but she couldn’t have kids. And he had to make a choice. A huge choice. A life-altering choice.
He found Finley’s jacket on the chair in the living room where she’d tossed it while he’d settled the tree into the stand. He found her mittens on the foyer floor. By the time he had her dressed for outside and had shrugged into his leather jacket, Shannon walked out of the kitchen.
Quiet, but composed, she stooped in front of Finley. “Button up. It gets colder at night.”
Finley nodded.
Shannon hugged her. And Rory’s chest ached. Now he knew why she’d been so happy to spend time with Finley. Now he knew why she hadn’t even hesitated when they’d needed a place to stay.
She loved kids.
And she couldn’t have any.
THAT NIGHT RORY lay awake while Finley snored softly in the cot beside his bed. Staring at the dark ceiling, he struggled with the myriad thoughts that battled in his brain. Was she right? Would he reject her, the way her ex-husband had, because she couldn’t have kids?
He didn’t know. He honestly didn’t know. But he did know that if he followed her lead, pulled back from a relationship, as she had, he’d never be put in the position where he’d have to make a choice. Which might be why she’d been so standoffish. She liked him enough that she didn’t want to put him in the position where he had to choose. Then, as she’d pointed out, neither one of them would be hurt.
He fell asleep around four and woke at seven, tired but agreeing that the thing to do would be to follow her lead. Pull back. Hold back. Don’t give her hope only to snatch it away again later if he just plain wasn’t ready to handle a relationship. Or, God help him, if he couldn’t come to terms with never having any more of his own children.
As he and Finley walked into Shannon’s office, she rose from her desk. Wearing a red dress, with bright gold earrings shaped like Christmas ornaments, she looked festive. But her smile was cautious, wary.
“So, Miss Finley, are you staying with me this morning while your dad spends some time in human resources?”
She bounced up and down. “Yes! Are we going to do something fun?”
“Well, first I have to get my morning paperwork done.” She clicked on her big-screen TV. “You can watch cartoons while I do that. Then I thought we’d just take a walk in the park, get some fresh air.” She stooped down in front of Finley. “There should be carolers there this morning.”
“Carolers?”
“People who sing Christmas songs.”
Not enthusiastic, but at least not pouting or throwing a tantrum, Finley shrugged. “Sounds okay.”
Shannon rose. “Okay? It’s going to be fun.” She smiled tentatively at Rory. “So you’ll be back around noon?”
He swallowed. She might be cool and collected, but he knew her heart had been broken. Irrevocably. Life couldn’t do anything crueler to a woman who wanted children than to deprive her of the privilege of conceiving them.
He tried to smile, but knew the effort was lacking. “Yeah. I’ll be back around noon.”
When he turned to go, she caught his forearm. He faced her again.
“Don’t worry about me.”
“I’m not…”
“You are. But I’m fine. Really. In the past year I’ve adjusted, and in the past week I’ve made some decisions about what I want to do with the rest of my life. You just do your part. Decide if you want to buy Raleigh’s. And I’ll take care of everything else.”
He left her office with a strange feeling of finality swamping him. She’d made the choice. It didn’t sit right, still part of him sighed with relief. He’d just come from a bad, bad, bad marriage. Until he’d met Shannon he’d all but decided never to get close to a woman again. It scared him silly to think he even wanted to try. And the first time he tried it was with a woman who couldn’t be hurt, someone who needed promises up front. Promises he was too shaky to make.
So maybe Shannon was right? Maybe it was best that there be nothing between them?
He headed for human resources, but halfway to the door to housewares, Wendy called to him. “Wait! Wait!”
He stopped. Thinking she had a message from Shannon or Finley, he said, “What’s up?”
“Nothing…” She sighed heavily. “It’s just that Shannon came in sad this morning and I…” She winced. “I just wanted to know if something happened last night.”
His
