too close since before our wedding night because I knew you were so near to seeing what’s inside me. I thought it would repel you as it does my mother. I knew when you spoke of love in our apartment what you were trying to tell me, but I refused to listen. I didn’t think I deserved your love. I was scared that to fall in love with you would be to destroy you—and you, Alessandra Mondelli, whom I so wish would be Alessandra Markos, are the most precious person in the world to me. Without you, I am nothing. I accept that I’m not good enough for you…’
‘Will you stop saying that?’ She dug her nails into his skin. ‘You are not a gutter rat. You are…everything. Everything you’ve achieved with your life, everything you’ve done… If anyone’s undeserving, it’s me.’
‘To me, you are a princess. You deserve all the richness this world can bring, agapi mou, and I will do everything in my power to give it to you—if you’ll let me. I love you and I don’t want to live another day without you.’
Alessandra felt a whoosh of air leave her body. He loved her?
He loved her?
He loved her!
He placed her hands to his chest. She could feel his heartbeat thrumming wildly beneath his shirt. ‘I thought I could compartmentalise our marriage in the same way I compartmentalise my relationship with my mother. She lives in a corner of my life, safely hidden away from everyone so she cannot hurt me or anyone else. I told myself I would marry you to become a father and not a husband but I was wrong—I wanted you as much as the baby and was desperate to make you mine. I tried to compartmentalise you, not because I was scared of hurting you, but because deep down I knew you had the power to hurt me.’
‘I have the power to hurt you?’ she whispered, gazing at the man she loved so much.
‘More than you could ever know. Throughout my childhood I wanted nothing more than to make my mother proud and for her to love me. The power she had over me, the power to hurt me… I swore no one else would ever have that power. But then you came into my life and nestled straight into my heart and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I used to fear that falling in love with someone would curse them, make them turn into her. But you could never be like her. She took her heartbreak and bitterness out on me. You would never do that to our child. There hasn’t been anyone else since that first night we had and I know there never will be. Only you.’
He brushed a thumb over her lips. ‘I was desperate for you to sell your apartment, not because I thought it made sense in any way but because I felt excluded from it.’ He allowed himself a crooked smile. ‘I was jealous of an apartment.’
She leaned forward and rubbed the tip of her nose to his, unable to believe this was really happening.
From feeling as if she would never feel the sun on her face again she could feel its beams spread through her.
He loved her!
‘I was also afraid that if you had a bolt hole to escape to you would be more tempted to use it,’ he continued. ‘I should have guessed you would use this place as your bolt hole.’
‘I couldn’t face being in the apartment without you,’ she confessed. ‘So I turned up at Rocco’s door claiming asylum.’
He laughed. ‘He must have been delighted to know we’d fallen apart.’
‘No,’ she said thoughtfully. ‘When he realised I was actually in love with you, the chip he’d been carrying went. He became my brother again.’
His lips were so close to hers. She craned her neck forward, suddenly desperate to feel them upon her, to be cradled in his embrace but he gripped her neck at the side, gently but with enough firmness to stop her moving.
‘So, you do love me?’ For the first time she saw his vulnerability.
‘Yes. I love you. With everything I have.’
She’d hardly finished speaking before his mouth crushed hers, his essence filling her with such sweetness the tears really did fall.
‘Oh, my love,’ he said, wiping her tears away. ‘I never want to see you cry.’
‘They’re happy tears,’ she said with a sniff. ‘You’re not the only one who’s always felt unworthy—I’ve spent my whole life feeling like a poisoned chalice, put on Earth to destroy anyone who gets close to me.’ She stroked his cheek. ‘I wanted you to employ Kerstin because I thought she was the perfect woman for you.’
Incredulity spread over his face. ‘You were trying to engineer me being with her?’
‘I thought she could make you happy. You wouldn’t have to compromise your time or sacrifice…’
Her words were cut off by a hard, possessive kiss.
‘You’re perfect for me,’ he said when he pulled away, cradling her cheeks to gaze into her eyes. ‘Just you. We’ve both made sacrifices. I would make them again a thousand times over.’ He bowed his head and brushed his lips against hers. ‘I love you. You’re my world.’
‘And you’re my everything,’ she answered softly.
For the first time Alessandra felt a tinge of sympathy for her father, who had gone so off the rails when he’d lost the love of his life. After a fortnight without Christian, she had a little insight into what he must have gone through. She would never be able to forgive him, not for the way his actions had so hurt Rocco—and they had hurt her brother more than her because Rocco remembered a time when their father was a loving man who had adored his small family—but a whole chunk of the bitterness she felt towards him fell away.
‘I love you, Christian.’
‘Always.’
‘Always.’
And they did.
‘IT’S A GIRL!’
Alessandra didn’t know who was the most excited at the giving of the news—the obstetrician or her husband, who announced it in unison while the midwife held the baby—her daughter—up for a few brief seconds before the cord was cut and they whisked her away to clean her up
Christian was back at the top of the table, bed or whatever it was she was laid upon, raining kisses all over her face, muttering prayers and thanks in Greek, English, Japanese, Cantonese and any other language he could conjure.
‘You are wonderful,’ he said into her ear in a reverential fashion.
‘You’re pretty wonderful yourself.’ She laughed, stroking his hair.
It felt good to laugh.
It felt even better when they placed her daughter on her, allowing a little skin-on-skin time before whisking her back off for swaddling.
‘Look in my bag,’ she whispered.
‘Why?’
‘Just
