rubbed his eyes. “I never hated you. I said some harsh things when I found out because I was angry. But I never hated you.”
“Not even a little?”
When he didn’t answer right away, Rachel waited, her breath lodged in her chest. He had something on his mind, an emotion that he needed to distill into words.
“You know my father cheated on my mother.”
“Yes.”
“It nearly destroyed our family. Mom went through a really tough time when Sebastian and I were kids. I had a hard time watching her be unhappy and not being able to do anything about it. I swore I would never involve myself in any sort of extramarital affair. It’s one of the reasons I don’t want to marry. I can never cheat on my wife if I don’t have one.”
Rachel stared at their linked fingers. “I never should have started anything with you.”
“Don’t say that. This isn’t your problem, it’s mine. And I’m not sure if I’d known from the start that you were married if I would have been able to walk away.”
“Of course you could have. You just said that having an affair was something you swore never to do.”
“That’s what eats at me. When tested, my convictions failed.”
“But they didn’t. You didn’t know I was married until the end.”
“And when I did know, that didn’t stop me from wanting you.” Max’s bitter half smile tore at Rachel’s heart.
“So, what are you saying? That if I’d stayed, we could have had a future together.” She couldn’t help the doubt that crept into her tone. “That’s a nice happy ending, Max, but you and I both know that it never would have happened. You would have forever resented me for luring you into something that deep down you didn’t want.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I saw your face at your parents’ anniversary party. You haven’t forgiven your father for what he did to your mother twenty years ago. Those same resentments would have colored our relationship. Every time you look at me you see my infidelity. Just like you see your father’s.”
She saw the truth in his eyes. It sliced deep into her heart. To conceal the wound, she leaned forward and kissed his cheek.
“I don’t want that between us,” he said.
“Neither do I.” Her throat tightened. “It just is.”
The conversation on the plane ride home ate at Max long after he dropped Rachel at her house. The lingering kiss she’d given him had tasted like goodbye. Her sad smile, a sign marking a dead end.
Being told that he was an unforgiving bastard had never bothered him before. Only Rachel could make him question what good he was doing himself or anyone else by holding twenty-year-old mistakes against his father.
Restless and unable to face his empty house, he called his dad and found him at the golf course once again. However, when Max arrived, Brandon had just finished the round and was having a drink at the clubhouse before returning home.
“Max,” Brandon said, getting up to shake his son’s hand. “What brings you here?”
“I wondered if we could talk privately.”
“Sure.” Brandon excused himself from his friends and led the way to the bar. An Astros game filled the television screen behind the bartender. As soon as Max had ordered a whiskey, Brandon asked, “What’s wrong? Problems with your brothers again?”
“Nothing like that.”
Despite the fact that Max had recently decided a cease fire in the office was more conducive to productivity, his resentment toward the relationship between Nathan and their father persisted. Brandon had always favored Nathan. And why not? He’d been born to the woman Brandon adored. Unlike his first two sons.
Max wondered if that’s what had bothered him all these years. His father had never seemed present when Max and Sebastian were kids. And then Nathan came along and suddenly there were family dinners and vacations. Brandon was around more because he preferred Nathan to his older sons and wanted to spend time with him. At least that’s what Max’s young mind had decided. He saw now that jealousy had buried that idea in his subconscious and tainted his relationship with his father.
“Your mom told me you came by and asked about my affair with Marissa.”
Max and his father had always been blunt with each other. Mostly because Max lacked Sebastian’s diplomatic skills or Nathan’s charm.
“Your affair hurt her.”
“I know.” Brandon stared into Max’s eyes without flinching. “It’s something I’ll never be able to make up for, even if I spend the rest of my life trying.”
“But she forgave you.”
“She’s a saint. That’s one of the reasons why I love her.” Brandon’s gaze turned to flint. “And don’t for a second think I don’t. I was wrong to promise her my fidelity and break that trust, but I loved her when we married and I’ve loved her every day since. Some days better than others.”
For the first time ever, Max saw his father’s remorse and the conflict that must have raged in him all those years. He hadn’t had a string of affairs. He’d loved two women. One he’d married. The other he’d been unable to give up despite knowing his affair hurt both the women in his life.
“Why is this coming up now?” Brandon asked.
Because he’d hung on to his anger at his father and let the woman he loved walk away. He thought about what his mother had said about him overreacting to Rachel being married. If he’d gone after Rachel and found out the sort of bad situation she was in, he might have convinced her to return with him to Houston. If he’d supported her instead of turning his back in anger, she could have started fresh with him. How much pain could have been avoided if he hadn’t been so quick to judge her?
“I’m sorry,” he told his father. “I should have followed Mom’s example and let go of my anger years ago.”
For a long moment, Brandon looked too stunned for speech. “You shouldn’t apologize,” he said at last, his deep voice scored with regret. “I’m sorry I put you, your brother and my wife through hell.” Brandon looked older than he had in the year since his surgery. “I’ve been waiting a long time for you to stop hating me.”
“It took falling in love with a very stubborn woman to make me understand that my anger hasn’t done me any good.”
“Rachel.” Brandon’s head bobbed in approval. “I was glad to see you two together at our anniversary party. She brought Missy and Sebastian together, you know. If she hadn’t found Missy to be his assistant, I don’t know what would have happened to your brother. He’s happier than I’ve ever seen him. We have Rachel to thank for helping make that happen.”
