so she was lying on him, causing some water to slosh over the side, and the lust factor shot up into the red zone. Her dog lapped at the puddle on the floor.
“Faith,” he said, and his voice was rough, “I can’t believe you’ve thought the wrong thing for so long. Someone should’ve told you it wasn’t your fault.”
“Oh, they did,” she said. “But they...well, I told them I had a seizure. That’s what they meant. It wasn’t my fault because I couldn’t help having a seizure. And I just couldn’t tell them I didn’t.”
“You should’ve told the truth, honey.”
“No,” she said. “I couldn’t break my father’s heart even more. ‘Daddy, I’m sorry Mommy’s dead, but she was going to leave you.’ No. I couldn’t do that.” Her eyes were full again.
“I hate this crying stuff,” he whispered, and for some reason, it made her laugh, even as the tears slid down her cheeks.
“Well, take me to bed and make love to me, and maybe I’ll stop.”
She was unpredictable, he’d give her that. “You sure?” he asked. “I could bake you cookies instead.”
“You can bake me cookies after.”
“All right then. You’re the boss.” He kissed her, that soft, pink mouth, then wrapped her legs around him and stood, keeping his mouth on hers, and lifted her out of the tub, resulting in a great rush of water and suds. The dog barked. “Get out, Blue,” Levi muttered against her mouth.
Her smiling mouth.
If her tears hurt his chest, for some reason, her smile made it ache all the more.
* * *
LATER, WHEN HE’D FOLLOWED her orders and made love to her till she was even pinker and sweeter and her cheek was against his chest, his own heart slowly returning to a normal pace, Levi was aware that something had changed.
When he’d seen that empty, hollow look in her eyes, when she’d looked far older than her years, something had built in him, a sense of urgency and protection and helplessness. For twenty years, she’d been carrying this secret to protect her family, and no one had seen the cost.
He remembered how that little bad-girl streak in her had evaporated after her mother’s death. Remembered how he’d judged her as a little shallow, a little boring, when the truth was, maybe he should’ve looked a little harder, too.
He kissed her hair and held her closer.
“I love you,” she said.
He froze. Not that he was moving to begin with, but it seemed his heart and lungs stopped for a good ten seconds.
Now was the time when he should say something back.
It was just that the words didn’t come. There were a lot of feelings churning around, but actually putting a name to them...that was harder. He raised his head, expecting to see her waiting for his response, but instead her eyes were closed, that same little smile from before playing on her lips.
“One of these days,” she said, her voice drowsy, “you’re going to tell me you gave me that little pink rock.”
Well, holy crap.
“I used to wonder who gave it to me,” she murmured. “Would’ve bet the farm it was anyone but you.” She opened her eyes, looked at him for a second, then closed them again. “But now I see that it couldn’t have been anyone else.”
Another beat passed. Then he kissed her forehead. “Go to sleep, Holland,” he said, then watched as she did just that.
Then, when he was sure she wouldn’t wake up, he got up and baked those cookies.
It wasn’t like he’d be able to sleep after that, anyway.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
A WEEK LATER, FAITH WAS fairly sure that dropping the L-bomb had been a mistake.
She and Levi hadn’t talked much since the night he’d...well, changed her life. That revelation was still so stunning, Faith wasn’t sure what to do with it. But the knot that had been in her heart was loosening. Whether or not she should talk to her dad or say something to her sibs, Faith didn’t know, but that charred spot in her soul, the one that had always told her she didn’t deserve what other people did...it was healing over, pink and new and fragile.
As for Levi and her... Sigh. He’d had to work—a lot, it seemed, even more than before. He visited his sister and fixed something in her car. On the two nights Faith and he had spent together, he’d been called away once and had to take two lengthy phone calls for something or another. She and Levi themselves had talked about very little, just ended up in bed where, admittedly, things felt much clearer. Actions, maybe, if not words.
One night after nooky, she’d told him about walking in on her grandparents the other day, when they were both in the downstairs bedroom; for the life of her, she thought they were getting it on, Goggy saying, “No, it goes in there, not like that! Don’t you remember? You don’t like it there! It’s never been comfortable that way! Push it to the left a little!” But no, turned out they had simply been moving Pops’s bed, thank you, Jesus.
Levi had laughed till there’d been tears in his eyes, and the sound had been so wonderful, Faith had wondered how she could bottle it.
But it hadn’t escaped her notice that Levi had yet to say “I love you” back.
A clear-cut case of man panic.
And sure, it was a lot—it almost made her cringe when she thought of that night, of telling him her secret, of her Olympic bout of weeping thereafter, followed up by her declaration of love and the assertion that he’d been the one to put the pink quartz rock in her locker all those years ago. It would’ve been nice, she thought as she made her way to O’Rourke’s, if she could’ve quit while she was ahead. But it was as if once the cork had been popped, she hadn’t been able to keep anything in.
But Levi kept showing up. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as she thought.
The barn was completely done, the library courtyard had been dedicated, and Faith was finishing up two other jobs. Snow had fallen three times already, and the air was cold and damp. Thanksgiving was coming, and Faith wondered if it would feel different now, now that she knew she hadn’t caused the accident, if that aching, omnipresent regret would gentle to simply missing her mom.
Clearly, she didn’t want to tell her father that his wife’s last words to her had been to hint about leaving him. But maybe if Dad—and Pru, Jack and Honor—knew that it hadn’t been a seizure that had caused the accident...maybe something would shift. What, Faith didn’t know. She would’ve talked to Levi about it...but Levi didn’t seem up for talking these days. He’d told her he’d be working late tonight, so she was meeting Jeremy for dinner. That would be nice.
She had six jobs lined up for spring—four private homes, two vineyards over on Seneca, and she was pitching to redo the park over by the glass museum in Corning. Already, local landscapers were calling, wanting to introduce themselves and show her their work.
She’d
