lost and struggling to find a foothold in stormy waters.
‘No, Sarah! God!’ Raoul sprang back from her, literally leapt off the bed and walked tensely towards the window, to stare outside until his body began to damn well do as it was told. ‘Cover yourself up,’ he told her harshly, because the distraction of her nudity was doing his head in.
Sarah squirmed until she was sitting up and drew her knees up, pulling the covers right the way to her chin while he continued to loom over her in the semi-darkness like a vengeful god.
She felt cheap and dirty, and the ramifications of how she had tackled her own wayward emotions slammed into her with the savagery of a clenched fist.
How could she ever have thought that she could separate herself? Peel away her emotions and leave intact the deep craving of her body to be satisfied under cover of darkness? She wasn’t built like that. She was engulfed with a sudden sense of shame.
‘This isn’t working,’ he told her with harsh condemnation.
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘You know damn well what I’m talking about, Sarah!’ He raked his fingers through his hair. He wanted to punch something.
‘No, I don’t! I thought today went really well! I mean, they like you …’
‘Against all odds?’ His mouth curled cynically.
‘I didn’t exactly say all those things I told you,’ Sarah confessed in a small voice. ‘I didn’t really tell them about the state of our relationship. Of course they know how it ended between us five years ago, but I didn’t tell them that we were only together now because of Oliver. I just couldn’t face telling them the truth—at least not just yet …’
‘Why are you only now coming clean on that score?’
‘What difference does it make whether they know or not? It’s true, isn’t it? One chance meeting,’ she said bitterly, ‘and both our lives changed for ever. What’s that they say about the butterfly effect? Half an hour later and I would have finished cleaning that part of the office. Half an hour later and you would have left without even knowing that I was only metres away from you, in another part of the building …’
‘I prefer not to dwell on pointless what if? scenarios.’
Sarah gazed down at her interlinked fingers. Raoul’s reappearance in her life might have turned her world upside down, but for Oliver it had been nothing but the best possible outcome.
Her heart was beating so furiously inside her that she could scarcely breathe.
‘That bracelet …’
Sarah looked up at him quickly, so aggressively dominant in the small bedroom. ‘What about it?’
‘Gold rope? With some kind of inscription on the outside? Your mother was wearing it. Looks like the gardening accident wasn’t quite as terminal for the piece of jewellery as you imagined.’
‘I … I … Maybe I was mistaken …’
‘No,’ Raoul told her coldly, ‘maybe I was mistaken. I stupidly thought that you were willing to give this marriage a try, but you’re not.’
His lack of anger was terrifying.
‘I am giving it a try …’
‘Really? Because you’re sleeping with me?’
Sarah felt the slow boil of anger thread its way through her panic and confusion. Suddenly he was dismissive of the fact that they were sleeping together? What a noble guy! Anyone would have thought that making love was way down on his agenda, when it was the only thing he had placed any value on! The only thing he had ever placed any value on. How dared he stand there, like a headmaster in front of a disappointing and rebellious student, and preach to her that he wasn’t satisfied?
‘Weren’t you the one who made such a great big deal about our mutual attraction? Our sexual chemistry?’ she flung at him. ‘Didn’t you tell me that we had unfinished business and the only way we could possibly sort that out was by jumping into bed together? You have a very convenient memory when it comes to things you don’t want to remember, Raoul!’
‘Am I to be forever punished for being honest when we first reconnected, Sarah?’
‘And am I to be punished for being honest now?’ she returned just as quickly. ‘You made it clear what this marriage was going to be all about, didn’t you?’
She hated the shard of hope inside her that still wanted to give him the chance to say something—to tell her that she was wrong, that it wasn’t just about the fact that they had a child together.
His silence shattered her.
‘I’m playing by your rules, Raoul, and I’m finding that they suit me just fine! In fact, I think you were right all along! Having sex and lots of it is really working wonders at getting you out of my system!’
She sensed his stillness and wanted to snatch the words back. But they were out in the open now, and she didn’t know what to do with his continuing lack of response. She tried to recapture some of her anger but it was disappearing fast, leaving in its wake regret and dismay.
‘So the sex is all that matters to you, I take it?’
‘Yes, of—of course it is …’ she stammered, bewildered by that remark. ‘Just like it is to you. And responsibility too, of course … We’re doing this for Oliver, because it’s always better for a child to have both parents at home. We’re being sensible … practical …’
‘What story are you going to spin your mother when it comes to the heirloom bracelet?’
‘Wha …?’
‘I one hundred percent agree with you. Heirlooms to be handed over are for brides who actually want to be married.’
‘You’re not being fair, Raoul.’
‘I’m being perfectly fair. I had actually thought we had more going for us than just physical attraction, but I was wrong.’ He began walking towards the door.
Sarah watched him, frantically trying to process what he had said.
His voice was flat and composed and as cold as ice. ‘I’ve got your message loud and clear, Sarah. It’s always good to have the rules laid bare …’
SARAH lay frozen for a few minutes. Now that she wanted to recall everything he had said, so that she could sift through his words and get them to make sense, she found that her thoughts were in a jumble. Her heart was beating so furiously that she could scarcely catch her breath, and she had broken out in a film of perspiration. Her nakedness was a cruel reminder of how she had attempted to drown her misery in making love.
She could get herself worked up at the thought of Raoul using
