he bit out.
Whoa. Where had that come from?
“No—” she answered honestly.
“He had a reputation with women before he married you.”
Raoul had never gotten this personal with her before; but since this morning, everything seemed to have changed.
“I know. My teammates warned me about him. He was known as the heartbreaker on the circuit, but I couldn’t help how I felt about him. We both had the same drive and the same daring, I guess. One day when he said, ‘Let’s get married right now,’ I just went with it.”
Shadows marred his features. “Then if it wasn’t another woman, what changed in your marriage?”
Crystal let out a shaky breath. “Was it that visible to everyone?”
“No,” he said quietly. “Only to me because Eric was my brother. It’s something I’ve never discussed with anyone.”
She put down her fondue fork. “You could say the existence of Philippe transformed my life. Until I discovered I was pregnant, I was selfish and didn’t think much about anything beyond Eric’s and my dreams of success. We were two people flying high and enjoying every minute.
“It pains me now to think we just went off and got married in Val d’Isère without telling either of our families. We cheated everyone out of one of the most important times in all our lives, but Eric insisted we didn’t have time for wedding plans and still make all our races.”
“Patience was never his forte, but it made him the world’s greatest skier.”
She nodded. “Still, in hindsight, it was extremely selfish of us. I should have insisted on a traditional wedding. Do you realize we didn’t even have one picture of us on our wedding day? Nothing to show for the biggest event in our lives. We were only in the mairie ten minutes, and then we were off to our next race in Courchevel so the paparazzi didn’t catch on. Sometimes I think about it now and it crushes me.”
“But that’s absurd,” Raoul responded. “No one cared. The family was thrilled you got married. My parents worried Eric might never settle down. I know your parents were happy. We talked at length about the two stars in our families joining together.”
Crystal shook her head. “Two selfish stars. We both agreed to put off having children while we were in our athletic prime, but even with protection, Philippe came along anyway.” She took a fortifying breath. “From the moment I became pregnant, my whole outlook on life changed dramatically.”
His features took on a chiseled look she didn’t understand.
“For once I had to think about someone else besides myself and Eric. The baby’s needs superseded everything else. I had to stop skiing, but I didn’t mind at all because this miracle of motherhood was going to happen to me. Though Eric was happy we were going to have a baby, he didn’t undergo the same transformation.”
Raoul’s eyes narrowed. “No. My brother developed that killer instinct early to be the top skier in the world. It never left him.”
He’d taken the words right out of Crystal’s mouth. “No. And at the height of his fabulous winning streak, my new priority was to be the best mother and wife in the world instead of the best female skier. I was determined to make a real home for us. Any hard times came when I saw Eric disappoint our son because he had to be someplace else.”
Raoul gave her a commiserating look that spoke of deep understanding.
“Eric went on doing what he was born to do, but our marriage began to suffer because we were on two divergent tracks. I loved him and didn’t blame him for who he was any more than he blamed me for my new role of motherhood. But with Philippe’s birth, I found out what I was really born to do.”
Except that her recent conversation with Raoul reminded her she could have a life off and on the ski slopes, too.
“I tried to salvage our marriage and begged him to move to Breckenridge with me. I thought that if he didn’t have your family and friends to depend on all the time, he’d come to rely on me again and we could recapture the love we’d once shared. But he didn’t want to leave home.”
Raoul wiped the corner of his mouth with his napkin. “My brother was too entrenched.”
“Exactly. Eric was too comfortable with the lifestyle he’d known all his life. He couldn’t see that he was leaving Philippe alone too much. That drive in him took over and left us behind. I kept hoping things would change, but they didn’t. The truth is, though I never said the words to him, if he hadn’t been killed, I would have divorced him.”
Something flared in the recesses of his eyes. “That I didn’t know.”
“Does it shock you?”
He frowned, staring at her as if he’d never seen her before. “What are you talking about? I loved my brother, but another woman would have left him long before then.”
She shook her head. “Even so, forgive me if I sounded disloyal just now.”
A strange sound escaped his throat. “I’m the one asking for forgiveness for sounding judgmental of you the other night about Philippe.”
“There’s nothing to forgive, Raoul. I have been punishing my son unwittingly by pretending I could erase the past.” But she’d found out that wasn’t possible, and her concern over Philippe’s future happiness was looming larger than ever.
She lifted her head. “Thank you for this incredible day. I’ll never forget you or your generosity. Now if you wouldn’t mind driving me back to the school, I need to get my car and go home so I’ll be there when Vivige brings him back.”
After dropping Crystal off at her car, Raoul drove home experiencing a new kind of pain. It wasn’t like what he’d suffered after Suzanne had died. Her death had been final. He’d had to accept it and get past it through sheer will and work.
But Crystal and Philippe were both breathtakingly alive and, worse, forbidden to him in the eyes of society and family. Raoul didn’t worry about either, but he knew Crystal did. After experiencing pleasure almost beyond bearing by being with her today, he could see his pain would go on and on with no end in sight unless he did something about it.
Desperate for relief, he reached for his phone and called his best friend. But all he got was his voice mail. Des could be anywhere, doing anything. Raoul left a brief message for him to phone, then hung up.
Desidiero Pastrana, a wealthy Spaniard and mountaineer from the Pyrenees, had arrived in Chamonix ten years ago to do some climbing. Raoul had been his guide and they’d struck up a friendship that had lasted and deepened over the years. They’d often traveled back and forth to do different climbs together, enjoying women until Raoul had met Suzanne.
When she’d been killed, Des had been there for him. They’d done a trip to Nepal that had saved his life. Raoul would always be indebted to him. Now he needed saving again because he was battling excruciating pain that was eating him alive. Des was the only person he could talk to about it.
Though he had a few other good friends, there wasn’t anyone else who had Des’s depth of character
