that she lost all her rights?’
His eyes narrowed. ‘What kind of rights?’
‘There was no pension provision made for her and the salary she got in lieu of notice was soon swallowed up by the cost of settling back in England. She couldn’t find another live-in job, so she became an agency nurse—with no fixed contract. I had to go to a local sixth-form college to take my exams and at first, I hated it. But we were just beginning to pick ourselves up again when…’
Her voice tailed off and his words broke into the silence.
‘What happened?’ he demanded.
She shook her head. ‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘It does.’
Alannah hesitated, not wanting to appear vulnerable—because vulnerability made you weak. But wasn’t anything better than having him look at her with that look of utter condemnation on his face? Shouldn’t Niccolò da Conti learn that it was wise to discover all the facts before you condemned someone outright?
‘She got cancer,’ she said baldly. ‘She’d actually had it for quite a long time but she’d been ignoring the symptoms so she didn’t have to take any unnecessary time off work. By the time she went to see the doctor, the disease was advanced and she was scared,’ she said, swallowing down the sudden lump in her throat. They’d both been scared. ‘There was nobody but me and her. She was only a relatively young woman and she didn’t want…’ The lump seemed to have grown bigger. ‘She didn’t want to die.’
‘Alannah—’
But she shook her head, because she didn’t want his sympathy. She didn’t need his sympathy.
‘Our doctor told us about an experimental drug trial which was being done in the States,’ she said. ‘And early indications were that the treatment was looking hopeful, but it was prohibitively expensive and impossible to get funding for it.’
And suddenly Niccolò understood. Against the snowy tablecloth, he clenched his hands into tight fists. ‘Bedda matri!’ he said raggedly. ‘You did those photos to pay for your mother to go to America?’
‘Bravo,’ she said shakily. ‘Now do you see? It gave me power—the power to help her. The thought of all that money was beyond my wildest dreams and there was no way I could have turned it down.’ No matter how many men had leered in her face afterwards. No matter that people like Niccolò judged her and looked down their noses at her or thought that she’d be up for easy sex because of it. ‘My unique selling point was that I’d left one of the most exclusive Swiss finishing schools under rather ignominious circumstances and I guess I can’t blame them for wanting to capitalise on that. They told me that plenty of men were turned on by girls in school uniform, and they were right. That’s why that issue became their best-seller.’
Alarmed by the sudden whiteness of her face, he pushed the wine glass towards her, but she shook her head.
‘It wasn’t narcissism which motivated me, Niccolò—or a desire to flash my breasts like the exhibitionist you accused me of being. I did it because it’s the only way I could raise the money. I did it even though I sometimes felt sick to the stomach with all those men perving over me. But I hid my feelings because I wanted to bring a miracle to my mother, only the miracle never happened.’ Her voice wavered and it took a moment or two before she could steady it enough to speak. ‘She died the following spring.’
She did pick up her glass then, swilling down a generous mouthful of red wine and choking a little. But when she put the glass back down, she had to lace her fingers together on the table-top, because she couldn’t seem to stop them from trembling.
‘Alannah—’
‘It’s history,’ she said, with a brisk shake of her head. ‘None of it matters now. I’m just telling you what happened. I used the rest of the money to put myself through art school and to put down a deposit on a home. But property is expensive in London. That’s why I live where I do. That’s why I chose to live in one of the “tougher” parts of London.’
Niccolò put his glass down with a hand which was uncharacteristically unsteady as a powerful wave of remorse washed over him. It was as if he was seeing her clearly for the first time—without the distortion of his own bigotry. He had judged her unfairly. He saw how she must have fought against the odds to free herself from a trap from which there had been no escaping. He’d fought against the odds himself, hadn’t he? Though he realised now that his own choices had been far less stark than hers. And although he hated the solution she had chosen, he couldn’t seem to stop himself from wanting to comfort her.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said huskily. ‘For what happened and for the choices you had to make.’
She shrugged. ‘Like I said, it’s history.’
‘Your mother was lucky to have a daughter like you, fighting for her like that,’ he said suddenly. He found himself thinking that anyone would be glad to have her in their corner.
Her head was bent. ‘Don’t say any more,’ she whispered. ‘Please.’
He stared down at the plateful of cooling risotto which lay before him. ‘Alannah?’
‘What?’
Reluctantly, she lifted her head and he could see that her eyes were unnaturally bright. He thought how pale and wan she looked as he picked up his fork and scooped up some rice before guiding it towards her mouth. ‘Open,’ he instructed softly.
She shook her head. ‘I’m not hungry.’
‘Open,’ he said again.
‘Niccolò—’
‘You need to eat something,’ he said fiercely. ‘Trust me. The food will make you feel better. Now eat the risotto.’
And although Alannah was reluctant, she was no match for his determination. She let him feed her that first forkful—all warm and buttery and fragrant with herbs—and then another. She felt some of the tension seep away from her, and then a little more. She ate in silence with his black eyes fixed on her and it felt like a curiously intimate thing for him to do, to feed her like that. Almost tender. Almost protective. And she needed to remember it was neither. It was just Niccolò appeasing his conscience. Maybe he’d finally realised that he’d been unnecessarily harsh towards her. This was probably just as much about repairing his image, as much as trying to brush over his own misjudgement.
And he was right about the food. Of course he was. It did make her feel much better. She could feel warmth creeping through her veins and the comforting flush of colour in her cheeks. She even smiled as he swopped plates and ate some himself while she sat back and watched him.
He dabbed at his lips with a napkin. ‘Feel better now?’
‘Yes.’
‘But probably not in the mood to sit here and make small talk or to decide whether or not your waistline can cope with dessert?’
‘You’ve got it in one,’ she said.
‘Then why don’t I get the check, and we’ll go?’
She’d assumed
