in the past few days, she’d still had her share of worrying about Jack. Her panic attacks were getting more regular, at least one or two a day. But she didn’t want to mention them to Kirk. He didn’t need to be concerned about her. Not when he could be shot at any second. Telling herself he was a detective and not a beat cop didn’t help her relax.
“Good. Jack and I went to the park and he met a little boy there. They played well together.” Something that made her happy. She didn’t want to put Jack into day care, but she didn’t have any friends with kids. She knew the importance of socialization for a child his age. She was either going to have to suck it up about day care or get him in a playgroup. But that wasn’t something she would worry about today.
Kirk headed for his study where Jen knew he would lock up his sidearm and badge in the small wall safe they’d had installed when Jack was born.
“I invited Lucas over for dinner,” Kirk called from the other room.
Jen glared in his general direction. No doubt her husband had deliberately waited until he was out of sight to share that nugget.
“Tonight?”
He returned, his smile winning. “Yes, for tonight. Is that okay?”
Okay? No, it wasn’t okay. It was never okay when Lucas came over, but it was so much worse when Kirk sprung it on her. She was a mess—she didn’t have on makeup or nice clothes and she honestly couldn’t remember if she’d showered that morning. She’d planned on a simple, healthy dinner, neither of which her husband’s partner would appreciate.
But Lucas was Kirk’s best hope at coming home alive every day. She drew in a breath and forced a smile. “It’s fine, although I doubt he’s going to want what I have ready for dinner.”
“He said he would bring steaks.”
“From where?”
Kirk looked blank. “The store?”
So just regular beef from an unknown source. Not the grass-fed, organic, certified meat she bought at a specialty store fifteen miles away.
“Wonderful,” she said between gritted teeth.
He moved close. “Honey, you don’t always have to have a family tree to eat a hamburger.”
There were a thousand different responses to that condescending statement. “I want to give Jack the best start possible.”
“I know and I appreciate all the work you do. But maybe it’s okay to lighten up now and then.”
Sure. Because it was always about her having to change, not other people. Kirk would let Lucas do anything he wanted. Jen knew he respected his partner, but there were times when she wanted to scream. Of course the need to scream wasn’t limited to Lucas.
“I need to go get changed,” she said. “Then figure out some sides for the steaks.”
“You look fine. Lucas won’t care.”
She was sure that last part was true. After all, she was far too old to interest him. But that wasn’t the point. “I’ll be right back.”
Fifteen minutes later she’d changed into jeans and a pretty blouse. After applying makeup basics, she’d pulled her hair out of its ponytail and brushed it. She needed highlights and a decent cut, but neither was happening today.
On her way back to the kitchen, she mentally reviewed the food in her refrigerator. She put away the free-range chicken she’d been marinating, then tested a couple of avocados for the salad. There was a bag of French fries in the freezer and organic frozen chicken fingers, because while Jack could eat ground meat, he wasn’t ready for steak.
Kirk had already started the barbecue and wiped down the patio table. She’d just collected plates to take outside when he stuck his head in. “Lucas is here.”
Jen mentally braced herself for the chaos that was to follow. Lucas was a larger-than-life character who dominated every room he entered. Despite her misgivings about him, from all that she’d heard, he had an excellent reputation on the force. He was a decorated veteran officer. He was also a completely selfish, egotistical man who didn’t give a damn about anyone but himself. And he was her husband’s partner, so there was no escaping him.
She walked out into the backyard. The gate was open and Kirk had walked out to greet his buddy. The incongruity of her handsome husband holding his toddler son and the ridiculously expensive two-seater convertible that pulled into their driveway was telling. Jen had no idea how Lucas could afford the Mercedes—it had to cost as much as he made in a year. Maybe more. But she hadn’t asked, mostly because she didn’t want to know.
She moved toward the gate. To do otherwise would signal her feelings and she didn’t want to make things awkward for Kirk.
Lucas was around fifty, slim and tan. His hair was white, his eyes a startling deep green and his smile easy. She’d never seen him in anything but jeans, a long-sleeved shirt and cowboy boots. When he was working he threw on a sport coat. She supposed most people would say he was good-looking. She thought of him as more dissolute. He lived hard, drank often and had a string of incredibly young women in his life. Jen disapproved of him on principle and getting to know him hadn’t changed her opinion at all.
“Hey, Jen,” he called out to her. He nodded at Kirk and winked at Jack who clapped happily. For reasons Jen couldn’t begin to understand, her son adored Lucas.
“I come bearing gifts.” Lucas walked around to the passenger side of his small car and pulled out a grocery bag, an Amazon box and a six-pack of beer. “Something for everyone,” he joked as he walked to the gate and handed her the packages.
She stared at the Amazon box and told herself it couldn’t be nearly as bad as she imagined—then hoped she wasn’t lying. He turned back to Kirk. Jack laughed, then flung himself at Lucas, fearless at the midair transfer.
“How’s my man?” Lucas asked, holding Jack comfortably. “High five.”
He held up his hand. Jack smacked his palm against Lucas’s, then laughed even more.
They went into the backyard. Lucas put Jack down and the toddler ran around, shrieking. Jen did her best not to roll her eyes. This always happened. Lucas overexcited the boy. Later, she would have trouble getting Jack to sleep.
Lucas took the Amazon box and the beer from her, then winked. A gesture of friendship or mockery? With him, she was never sure. He crossed to the built-in outdoor kitchen, opened a drawer and pulled out a bottle opener. After popping the top on two beers, he hesitated, then glanced at her.
“Did you—” he began.
“No. I’m fine.”
Like most pregnant women, Jen had completely given up alcohol, but even after Jack was born, she hadn’t gone back. She was too afraid her son might need her. She had to be alert and vigilant at all times.
Lucas stuck the rest of the six-pack in the minifridge, then drew a pocketknife out of his pocket. He slit the tape on the box and set it on the ground in front of Jack.
Her son squatted down and peered inside. Slowly, his eyes widened and his mouth turned up in delight. He pulled out
